Saturday, September 29, 2001

I painted my toenails violet last night. check me out:

yes, it took forever to even out the polish; like three coats of it and breathing it in all at the same time. actually it smells sweet like candy almost. I didn't mind it one bit though it's probably killing brain cells...hah! well, the door was open, so no getting high. after erasing, painting, erasing, painting a few times (I had the polish remover and some cotton to get around the edges when I'd screw up), I tiptoed downstairs to capture a photo. it wasn't working. apparently there wasn't enough light by the doorway. I turned on all the lights, but aiming downward is, I guess, a bad move. I did get a lovely blurred shot of the fireplace and the kitchen floor plus my pants and what seemed to be fog. how niiice. I finally did come to my senses when I realised I had a webcam. I could just turn it on, prop my foot up and that's what I got. better than going downstairs and making all that racket with the cam and turning on and off of the lights. no wonder mom woke up later! more

Wednesday, September 26, 2001

Ever just not have a word to say? life hasn't changed since monday...sad ain't it? I make it seem like life is some object! hee! that's funny isn't it? yes, life hasn't moved...life...!! life is on cardiac arrest! life needs to breathe in the air and take a nice walk....life needs to get up off it's ass. life is boring. heh heh. I'm so hilarious in my times of non-thinking brain syndrome. yes, it's my new term for when I absolutely have no idea what to say. more

Monday, September 24, 2001

Yaugh! the 'tab' key isn't working at all today and I kept pressing it by reflex, so the solitaire window pops up. don't ask cause even I have yet to understand what that means. the 'tab' key likes to upset me immensely on a daily basis. sometimes work. sometimes no work. makes me saaad. in other news, I talked on the phone from 1:30-4am last night. is that even possible? is that a record? I'm beyond shocked at how long I could possibly talk. more

Saturday, September 22, 2001

I've been a mess lately. I feel like I'm eating all the time and I gained another pound. this is supposedly a good thing of course (I want to gain another seven pounds in the next month!), but I don't like feeling like a giant hog. I got out the frozen fudge cookies earlier, ready to eat another whole row per usual and they stuck together! I tried wacking the pile against the side and got chocolate all over my fingernails and hands...crumbs; slivers of chocolate - all over the desk!! horrible! I'm really not a messy person, but this was insane!! who knew those things could get that frozen? melting cookies taste nasty though so I continue to freeze them. now I'm having a blueberry and vanilla lollipop (life saver pops represent!) and I can tell my tongue is already blue and my lips feel sticky. I hate that sensation. going to shower soon. more

Wednesday, September 19, 2001

Monday evening and tuesday till nighttime when things became all better were bad bad bad. first allergy/sinus attack (I sneeze eight times in a row or something), I make my ear bleed by scratching it with a straggly nail (hah!), had a rather dour conversation which made me abit misty eyed, was lonely, then if that wasn't enough, cable goes out all night! damn, one thing you never evah evah evah leave me alone with is my thoughts. dangerous combination. *raised eyebrow of a solemn degree* more

Monday, September 17, 2001

I felt like yesterday was familiar. ever get days and days that go by that seem truely unreal (not counting the terrorist attack on the 11th since well, I can vouch for that)? I felt completely rested and like I belonged in that day. maybe it was cause the lights were set just so outside and inside, dad had stopped by and I showed off my art I worked on for half the day, lindsey and I actually spoke and I had visions of Ohio in the winter though I probably won't see it soon. maybe...maybe....it doesn't matter. more

Saturday, September 15, 2001

Jumbled thoughts never help the process, do they? I'm wondering if I can even be normal in this time; I mean, when I laugh and smile cause I am feeling okay again, does it make me a bad person? does it make me look spiteful since others are still mourning yet I seem to be grinning at the sky cause the sun might be shining too bright? more

Wednesday, September 12, 2001

What else is there to talk about? can anyone escape this? this thing that shouldn't have happened in the first place. I don't feel anger. no. I don't feel like getting revenge. I don't want a third world war to occur. I just feel sad. for all those that were hurt, those that had loss, the complete psychological horror of seeing that. imagine ....imagine being there in person. seeing it play out like a movie. it's enough seeing it fall a billion times on tv. at least there is space unlike if you were there and couldn't escape it. more

Monday, September 10, 2001

The violins intoxicate me into wanting to shut my eyes. what is it about the violin? it's sweeter than even the flute or a sax or a great piano break. just hearing the violins start makes me fill up with something...an emotion ...a great emotion! it makes me want to raise my hands in the air, close my eyes and grin. maybe twirl if I feel like it. there's just something about a great violin mix with drums silently beating behind it. creates atmospheric elation. more

Saturday, September 8, 2001

You'd think I'd get over sickness, but noooo. I've felt like ass all day. well, I should rephrase that, only physically. emotionally I've been rather smitten. and I'll tell you why in a second. I woke up to my stomach turning in knots and my head refusing to let up. it feels heavy and when I move too much, I get dizzy. damn, maybe I am coming down with something. surely. plus, I had a dream I hid in the closet! more

Wednesday, September 5, 2001

I've been so sleepy today. I think I might be catching something since my ears and throat burn and it's hard to swallow. I keep having the urge to sneeze, too. A..A..A.AT..CHOOO!!! I must look at the sun or a source of light somewhere to irritate it or I'll keep half sneezing all day. it's annoying. I do believe it could be dust or the weather. ah well. it happens. more

Monday, September 3, 2001

Oooh I kept playing with my tooth today. it's odd. okay, it's lost almost all feeling, but it feeeels weird. I mean, in terms of rigidness. near the gumline, it feels rough and like it's not all the way there. maybe it's decaying and the nerve diiiied! I'm not sure what was worse! a hurting numbed down cavity or a tooth that is actually changing shape with potential to maybe fall out!!! now, granted, it's in the back and no one sees it there, but, I don't want it to fall out nonetheless. dentist this week. dentist this week. I should make that my mantra. more

Saturday, September 1, 2001

So, I played the old whining game again. almost like the 'killing' games...um. don't ask. I have no idea what I'm talking about. It just reminds me so much of, "don't you loooove me? where are you? dude, I mean, come ON! whaah whaaah...you don't loooove me anymore, do you? you're just sitting there laughing, laughing at me!" I'm funny. no, really. I found it amusing later that I even thought like that. maybe it's Richard's fault, but no, no, I blame me. more

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