You'd think I'd get over sickness, but noooo. I've felt like ass all day. well, I should rephrase that, only physically. emotionally I've been rather smitten. and I'll tell you why in a second. I woke up to my stomach turning in knots and my head refusing to let up. it feels heavy and when I move too much, I get dizzy. damn, maybe I am coming down with something. surely. plus, I had a dream I hid in the closet!

You Make My Mind Spiiiin
09:10 PM CST

Yes, I was hiding in a closet trying to find something to wear since I supposedly had a "surprise" visitor. I didn't know who it was. I freaked out since mom had let them in and I wanted to quickly get out of my drab pjs and fix my hair before whoever it was appeared in my space. my room looked nothing like my room let me tell ya. it was bigger and the closet was farther away from the door. the door was on the other side - parallel almost. I saw a shadowed figure standing there, arms crossed and tapping foot. I panicked and said, "wait! I've got to find something to wear!" then I heard the voice, as the door opened, (it creaked) and said, "oh hell.." like they were completely impatient. they had something in their hand, but I don't know what.

Then the shadowed figure came closer and pulled me to him. I just collapsed and started to cry. the figure grasped me and kissed me on the top of my head. I didn't know who this person could be though they gave me some sort of comfort I am unsure of and why I began to cry. maybe cause I looked bad? cause I could never prepare or be ready for things? it was weird. I was thinking it could've been Will though this guy didn't look like him ...I mean, since he sort've alluded to wanting to give me the mix cd in person and yesterday I was all thinkin' "hey! what if he just decides to surprise drop it off oooor he hides in a bush and stalks me!" haha....I'm crazy at times. Will would say I'm quirky. yeaaah. kung fu fighting! hiii yaaaa! anyway, I hope that isn't what'll happen in real life evah evah. no crying, no being in bad clothes...that ain't foo.

Today is me and Shaun's one month anniversary of when we began talking like "that" .... *grins*
I was happy that we got to talk alot and even had our own private room for awhile. I hardly go in private rooms though I used to go in one called "Hell" where they'd hack IM you and sign you off. anyway, back to what I was sayin' ...we had abit of fuuun cause he kept requesting I download certain songs. eight in all I downloaded today. EIGHT! hehe. they were all DDR songs of some sort, but some were pretty cool. some were just okay. I was just happy we were sharing. I gave him two songs to download, but not sure if he will or not. he wasn't on the right computer I guess.


I find myself slipping abit elsewhere though. like my sleep habits and on bookmarks/responsibilities, webdesign, selling items on ebay. I got new batteries, so there's no excuse anymore. the earrings still remain silent. I haven't been paying as much attention to them lately; I would've been devastated if this was any other point in time. *doomed* to not sell anything! I'm determined though since I want more things ...I'm not tooo selfish since I didn't buy at all in August.

I need to work on some of these slacker issues definitely. I can't even finish the book club novel that was set to discuss mid-August cause I keep falling asleep in it! the past two nights I didn't read at all since it was sooo late. I feel horribly bad since it seems everyone else quit discussion too. I mean, I remember the Squishy bookclub back in November and how I kept up with it for like two months.... people would discuss the first day and that would be the end. it would either be, "I hated it and this is why..." or "I'm not done..." or "well, it was okay..NEXT!" I don't think
CB wanted the book club to be like that ...maybe discussion should be moved to mid-September! I might be done by then possibly maybe. then I want to buy another Murakami novel. been dying for a book to make me ache through it's pages again.

The eBay slackin' is the most unacceptable though. I can find time to take photos and put them up there! I could be getting at least $100 from what I have and I can't even go and list them. I need to go whip me upside the head right now! since no one else will punish my slothfulness. I mean, sheesh, eBay is the only thing I call an occupation that I do as of late. it makes me enough pocket change than anything else I do besides getting those checks from grandpa since we all knoooow I get those whether I sit here and space out or do something. I'd say my real joy would be webdesign as a job, buuuut my one experience left me high and dry. it makes me afraid to try again for new clients. I'm afraid of responsibility and that the others would be alot tougher on what they want ...I cry too often for tough people. I try to stay strong but I cry if my designs aren't liked. I'd cry silently, I'd think of them sniffing and looking away with a flick of their finger all snootily. who wants my thoughts? take them! *hands them over*


I know one thing that hasn't failed me yet though - this relationship that I still can't believe I have. just thinking about him makes me smile with joy and sometimes even a tear or so will appear and I never get that from sappiness. Happy one month, yo! the word love sometimes isn't enough...

Previous . Next


Oh, come off it. Your site looks awesome. So much so, it makes me look bad.


Good luck with your netboy, by the way. It can happen. I'm living proof.

- 09.09.2001 04:47 AM - j.


hee! thank you for the compliments :)
I know I did good here but some just don't seem to like my technique in the business world.

by the way, your site looks nice. I just took a look at it. like the little stortroopers too; hee! I have one at wellyeah!

and thanks for the luck. I'll need it since usually my relationships never leave the telephone and the net....this seems more realistic though so I cross my fingers myself..heh

- 09.09.2001 08:44 PM - Amber


How is it that when I'd posted by myself I was a sinner and now that there's two posts it says followers? Whaaaaaaat?

Thanks for the site love, by the way. I won't bore anyone with details, but... i barely know html. Shh. I'll tell the resident technogeek you like it, though : )

Any idea what's up with squishettes? Is it just me, or has it been comatose for a few days? Weird....

- 09.09.2001 10:42 PM - j.


hee! oooh the sinner/follower thing I explained in the last entry to André! basically on greymatter where it says 'comment' and 'comments' for what you want it to say depending on if there's one or more people, I wrote 'sinner' and 'followers' instead to make it interesting.

and yes, I got two emails from people at squishettes asking what's going on. my popmail is down though (won't let me send mail) so I was unable to reply. basically I have no idea what happened to it. it was having problems on friday and then completely went blank the next day...I contacted KC about it but no response as of yet.

- 09.09.2001 11:15 PM - Amber


Sinners becoming followers? Sounds vaguely religious.

- 09.10.2001 01:23 AM - j.


Your POP mail isn't working? You mean the Lord of Rock summonded the extra Rockitude™ necessary to type out a reply and you won't be able to answer!?! This in UNACCEPTABLE! I demand that you find the person or persons responsible and throw down on their asses!

Just kidding Amerita. Besides, who knows when I'll be over this flu. *rock-CHOO!* I must be worse off than I thought. I haven't twisted your dream into something bizaar yet captivating. Oh, the pain. The pain of it all!

- 09.10.2001 01:33 AM - André, Man of Destiny


oh, j I did't think of it as religious :\

my bad! I was just goofing's more of a joke with the whole sinnin' of this site...the sardonic-hee dunno. my bad.


André - the popmail is fixed and yo! erm, I don't use popmail to respond to your emails. you email me on my aol name!! I'll reply tomorrow....get better. flus never good.

- 09.10.2001 02:24 AM - Amber


I didn't mean it like a BAD thing, no no no.

"One by one, the sinners slowly came to believe in the power of.." uh. Thingy.


- 09.10.2001 06:21 PM - j.


oooh...rock then!

heh heh. I sometimes am afraid I offend people since I'm not very religious; don't notice when I accidently diminish someone's faith et al...hee! it's alll good.


André if you're still "lurking" - I'm going to reply in a! you!

- 09.10.2001 07:17 PM - Amber


I'm not very religious either. I'm fond of theological debate, though. AOL religion chats will do that to ya. Beliefs are interesting things to play with.

Besides, I read Warp 9 To Hell. There's no way I could be all fundamentalist AND enjoy that at the same time.

- 09.10.2001 08:34 PM - j.


aaah. I've only had semi-debates on religion with those who 'are' religious. it sometimes is okay and sometimes they try to subtley say I'm going to hell.

I asked shaun about religion earlier today (cause I realised I nevah evah evah thought to find out!!) and he said he believed in the power of each other or something. at least we're on the same page in religion...NEXT! hah.

no really my fam is non-practicing catholics (well, most of em; the immediate family. some who are related go to church..bleh). I don't believe in church much. it didn't make me feel anything and I don't really believe in God in general; just a higher being maybe, buuuut it's not a person. maybe something combined with science and theory. possibly?

- 09.11.2001 12:25 AM - Amber


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