I felt like yesterday was familiar. ever get days and days that go by that seem truely unreal (not counting the terrorist attack on the 11th since well, I can vouch for that)? I felt completely rested and like I belonged in that day. maybe it was cause the lights were set just so outside and inside, dad had stopped by and I showed off my art I worked on for half the day, lindsey and I actually spoke and I had visions of Ohio in the winter though I probably won't see it soon. maybe...maybe....it doesn't matter.

Heartbreaking, yet Familiar
07:27 PM CST

Music and more music. this past weekend I got inspired to make the mix for shaun since I wanted something to take my mind off the news. I was supposed to do one for will first, but I had visions of the setlist for shaun's first. I can't help which one I wanted to begin on. I got a new box of disks today though so I can start on his today or whenever. I'm sure he won't care since apparently he's keeping mine "hostage" until I invite him over. awwww. he knows I will sometime, but I'm not all the way looking correct and ya know how I'm the perfectionist. I never do things on a whim.

So, I spent all saturday night gathering up songs and all sunday working on the coverart. eating and eating all at the same time. yeah, I sure as hell didn't have a problem grabbing at food like it was going to disappear in the next day or so and never come back. yesterday I even ate two apple dumplings and my sinuses didn't even kick in; I grabbed for the chips and ate like half a bag in the next half hour, then I had dinner and half a bag of cookies. what the hell? ah well, I am starting to gain weight, so this might be a good thing!

The cd coverart still amazes me. I'll have to save it and put it on my music section on the other domain soon enough (probably after I know shaun got it). I just like how it all came together. even lindsey said I should drop everything and become a designer! I always had an eye for colour and how things fit together. never haphazardly do I do anything. plus, I did a cool trick making the city look like it was floating on water. believe me, it is the coolest thing I've ever done since the skysraper looking like it was going through the office building one that I titled manic surrealism coincidently.

I wrote a letter to go with the mix at around 1am last night/morning before my shower; it turned into a three page long synopsis about the mix itself which made my hand cramp up since I was leaning on my shoulder on the bed and bending my elbow weirdly. I didn't know I'd go on for so long. I hope he likes it anyway even if I'm too technical for my own good sometimes and I'm turning into André (where are you, yo??) with the praises of myself. I mean, I called myself a genius at one point and said it was brilliant. I don't know if I said so in the letter, but I know I said it the past couple days to various people. I really need to get ahold of myself. I used to be modest when it comes to my talent. being modest is good.

Today I got the package ready; bubblewrap, packaging, decorating with stickers and such. missed the post office. the clock on the computer was wrong. go figure. tomorrow I guess will be the day it gets sent.


Last night (I had a dream about you; no not really) I found my old girl/boy list. I decided since now I have a boyfriend if what I listed matched up. not that I'd all of the sudden say, "no, nevermind. you don't match the list I made back in march. sorry." it was just a compare/contrast sort've thing since at that time I bet I wrote the list with FB in mind; blech to him. I can never write something with a completely openmind. anyway, FB didn't match up with half of those points it turned out, so it doesn't matter anyway.

As it turns out, shaun matches up pretty well with my list. I mean, the dancing, the anime, the net "shenanigans" (um why in the hell did I use that word??). so, really, he is about what I want and really he's more than that since he's other things that aren't on the list that I didn't even think about. really, I still can't believe I'm not alone. like that line in the Bran Van 3000 (shutup!) song Exactly Like Me: "I know that you are liquid for I am the governess of alone" it tis true! I am the damn Ruler of the aloneness universe! now, I'm probably the pauper, but that's a good thing in this case.


Do you ever pick up strange little habits from others? I notice that alot between me and others. I start liking certain things or thinking certain things I didn't think before if I hang out with someone enough online or offline. I noticed I do more emoticons. can that be possible?? I do! I never used to type with exclamations or any of that either. I was zombie monotone voiced clone. heh heh. no, really, I can turn myself off whenever I want. make myself seem dead to the world, but as soon as I let go and someone is there, well, I get out of control with emotions. it's like keeping them blocked inside too long means that when I allow them to come out, it causes havoc. I seem to have alienated a few people over it. such as, erm, that "Dragon" person on icq. he used to like me, okay? now that I'm no longer alone, I talk to him ...hah. I seem silly in doing so though since he doesn't seem very into talking to me now that he knows there's no chance - like there was one before either. I don't know why I like to brag to those who are already low enough. must be a thing I picked up from ethan or teri or whoever else. whenever I'm at a lowpoint and then someone throws in my face how happy they are or what job they got or how their friends are better, well, it sucks. then I strike back and do the same upon others. I sort've wished I didn't pick up those habits actually.

I sort've like when I pick up keywords or phrases though. that's always fun.

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