The violins intoxicate me into wanting to shut my eyes. what is it about the violin? it's sweeter than even the flute or a sax or a great piano break. just hearing the violins start makes me fill up with emotion ...a great emotion! it makes me want to raise my hands in the air, close my eyes and grin. maybe twirl if I feel like it. there's just something about a great violin mix with drums silently beating behind it. creates atmospheric elation.

bring down the drums alittle bit!
11:59 PM CST

What all this comes down to is that I downloaded some of carissa's weird. ever heard of this group? I got Lazy Eyes and Sitting in The Smoking Lounge in an Airport with a Broken Heart (long ass title). it just is greaaat. I cannot even describe it. I think there are lyrics, but if so, I only hear mumbling. that makes it even better! the mumbling! I have no need to sing, so I just take it in, like breathing. it's a great feeling and good that these songs are damn loooong, so I can sit a very long time without budging.

I have more DDR music too which, I admit, is pretty good (especially Healing Vision!!). I still dunno if I'd ever want to play the game though; I'm not big on distinctive dancing. I mean, I dance, but it's erratically. no steps involved. just tap your foot abit, jump around, cross over sideways for a whole room's length of space and then twiiiirl, toss hands in the air and laugh. that's my dance lessons (tm) ...sometimes sashay (move hips as you walk) but not unless it's a sexy song. Dancing Lessons for the Unambitious will be the name of my first self help book.

So, last night was pretty intense. I mean, I don't usually get on the phone at about a quarter to 1am! I told Will that I thought he was in my dream that other night (the one I mentioned) and he asked if he could call. we jumped around that for awhile when finally I said just as long as he didn't leave a message so as not to wake up mom. he asked if I'd pick up and I said "well, why would I tell you to if I wasn't!" I go down there (like skipping; hopping) as the phone rings since I sort've figured we were through beating around the bush about this.

It was like a breathless giggling fit I done had! I found a nice spot on the steps since mom mentioned I shouldn't be kneeling on the dirty kitchen floor anymore, plus my legs hurt the next day from doing that that time I spoke to shaun while kneeling all weirdly that one time. anyway, so I wrapped the cord around the bannister and laid there all stretched out and we spoke about various things. I listened and then I'd laugh and yell and HAH hee hee miiiih ...*hic* heh heh. a party with no drink basically. alot of stories; definitely alot of detailed stories. mostly about past times and there were alot of discussion about cars. like things me and teri did like leave poor carlos (latin boy in drag) behind and keep teasing him before we'd let him in the back seat. he told me about his getting run over by car stories. I was laughing ...I'd never been run over but dad almost ran over a little boy once and the mom called in the SWAT team (helicopter). sooo there was alot of talking of stripping, but not on my end. oooh no. I say nada to that.

By the way, tip to know for the future, it's pronounced Rah-Men ...not Ray-Mon ....*hangs head in shame* no, really, mom was shocked. I told her and she laughed saying Rah-Men sounded like a stupid way to pronounce it. well, hell, if half the world says it that way it cain't be wrong, yo! just caiiiint.

I also said something in japanese for him for the hell of it. I said "ohayou Sakura-chan" (Good Morning Sakura) really fast, like I was barking it out ..hah hah. I think it had to do with them saying it alot in the subbed episodes I have of it and I kept repeating them mockingly, so that's my new thing. I can pretend I can speak the language...HAH! well, I can greet people at least....if it's morning :\

Anyway, after awhile of me describing my surroundings (when I mispronounced the ramen noodles, I was describing what was in the pantry; hell, don't ask) and then I described what it looked like outside the doorway since I turned the spotlight on (the one outside that illuminates the whole area), I realised we had been on the phone for a looong time. my first reaction was 'uh oh...I left the computer signed on!!' ...I then asked Will if he was near his computer, if he could possibly look him (shaun) up. I had to spell out his SN about three times. first, when he located him and said, "oooh he's been online for an hour!!" like I was in trouuuble. then I asked if he could possibly message him and tell him where I was since I was beyond 'aaaacked' out. I spelled out the name again. then I dunno why I spelled it out again but whatever; maybe I mumbled the first time. so the next few minutes was him telling me what shaun said...hah. so I would respond and Will would type something out. eventually Will told him I'd be upstairs in a few and I laughed abit and we finally hung up. I felt like I had just gotten back in from a party. phonecalls aren't usually like that for me. heh heh.

When I got back upstairs, I saw that shaun messaged me about five times. I felt baaad cause he wrote "::cries::" ...don't like crying. I did enough of that at one point. it isn't fun. and there I go making him worry. at least things were okay once I spoke up. lots of loving words and happy happy downloads! hee! (damn I sound sort've too cheerful)

Today, he bought me a cd cause of our one month day. I didn't know he was going to do that. I mean, I got abit skeptical once he said he was looking at this one website and wanted me to decide on a cd for him to get. I was wondering why he needed my opinion. that's when it came to me that he probably wanted to buy it for me! I kept quiet and pretended to still not know what he was talking about and told him which I liked and then ended up picking one with my favourite ayumi hamasaki song on it. uh huh, so anyway, he said to check my mail on friday !! I was beyond shocked. I mean, I don't usually get real gifts for not doing anything unless it's from strangers who buy off my wishlist (okay, that doesn't happen everyday..haha). it's just extremely niiice. all I was going to do was make him a mix cd. now, I'll write a letter and put more thought into it. I just figured, one month, shouldn't buy gifts each month we are together. it might get expensive ;)

He also wants to buy me a digicam so we can catalogue our time together when he comes here. I find this a rather cool idea since I'm all about excersions (the photolog, anyone?). I like having photos to remember things by or I don't think they happened. like the dino visit; still dream-like to me since there's no proof he was here. that wasn't meant to be though; still, I would've liked photos anyway since people wanted to know what he looked like. well, he was asian; I pictured him the way he looked first off even before seeing him. he even sounded how I figured he'd sound. now, now, I know what you're sayin' I didn't talk to him on the phone at all...that was rather odd, ya know? just asking someone to come over without knowing much! I wasn't surprised nonetheless...maybe abit by his quietness though. anyway, why am I talking about Dino?? I mean, we're friends and all now, but that happened about a year and a half ago. no reason dragging it up now.

I think it's rather sweet of shaun to want to buy me a digicam, but I still feel guilty even if it would make the visits alot better. I'll just think about it as not mine...maybe that would make it justifiable. it can be a "shared" item. maybe I give some money when I have some. my silly conscious tells me I can't just taketaketake. I really grinned when he said we could videotape our dances together :)
okay enough sappiness, riiiight now!

My throat is scratchy today cause of the phonecall of last night. it's like the hangover that never happened. too much laughing I presume. it's hard to sing and I sort've wanted to earlier. I sounded like I had something lodged back there though and kept cracking every other word, so I gave up. I still spoke to shaun on the phone (*note to self* no more sappiness damn you! damn you to hell! *thwack*) since he called. I talked in a low tone/whisper almost. I had to make sure I didn't get too giddy or my throat would get worse. I still had a smile on my face in the silence.


I need to go relax some. I'm going to lift my hands to the violins again.

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