I've been a mess lately. I feel like I'm eating all the time and I gained another pound. this is supposedly a good thing of course (I want to gain another seven pounds in the next month!), but I don't like feeling like a giant hog. I got out the frozen fudge cookies earlier, ready to eat another whole row per usual and they stuck together! I tried wacking the pile against the side and got chocolate all over my fingernails and hands...crumbs; slivers of chocolate - all over the desk!! horrible! I'm really not a messy person, but this was insane!! who knew those things could get that frozen? melting cookies taste nasty though so I continue to freeze them. now I'm having a blueberry and vanilla lollipop (life saver pops represent!) and I can tell my tongue is already blue and my lips feel sticky. I hate that sensation. going to shower soon.

The Swirls Blend Together Like Abstract Art
11:53 PM CST

So, yes, *ahem* besides eating, I haven't been doing much besides thinking about doing stuff. I need to get the items up on eBay by tomorrow. I know I said friday, but my mind went out the window once it started to rain. I got all nice and comfortable after my shows and read that book (chapter 16!! when will it ever end? I think discussion is not going to begin anyway...I'm just reading to clear it from my conscience..hah!). around 4am, I realised I should go check things on the web before bed. eh, nothing! though I caught up with megatokyo and saw that shaun had written something in his journal. it makes me incredibly happy to read his words (I even ignore the grammatical errors and I'm such a stickler about that usually) though I do feel guilty about him buying me things still; I just think I should give too then! I tried to think of what and I don't know; I usually buy people what I think I might like or they tell me exactly word for word what it is they want. it's so hard to be equal in relationships; at least for me..mostly I give a little and others give alot except well, with lindsey (I give more damnit!! haha; including those bootlegs I didn't give; yes I'm still holding a grudge [tm]). so, anyway, after reading what he wrote with a smile on my face the whole time cause I still can't believe he's talking about me, I felt that this was a good time to end the day. I went to sleep. I was practically on the keyboard anyway.


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I went in a chatroom earlier. this hasn't occured since the twilight zone, lemme tell ya! I wanted to know if anyone knew the group carissa's weird. I'm determined to find that album since I did some "research" on the group yesterday while on google. only one spoke up in the 'indie rock' chatroom. they had only heard of them and asked if they were based in Seattle. I said yeah, but figured if they only semi-knew, they wouldn't know about the album. I stuck to the room for abit longer to see if anyone else would respond, but nothing happened. just talk of jobs and hot girls, so I left. chatrooms don't change much over the years.


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Today I felt like doing something, but I didn't know what. I just sit here saying I will do something in a second, and I don't. the only things I seem to do when I think about them are get food or listen to music or read websites. seriously, I need a boost of some kind!! I might take the ebay photos later if I can move my ass. stupid food makes me lazy. I barely budge after I eat. just ain't right. I can feel myself becoming slothful. I had the thought in my mind to go outside and take a walk. how do these ideas pop into my head? especially since I know that would be some miracle-like thing to do. I never just up and take a walk. I had the idea though so I guess eventually I can do it without thinking I'll die before coming back. I either think someone will kill me on the way back or I'll have a panic attack. either way, I should find time to walk. it would be good for my ass at least. hee!

I also had thoughts in my mind of inviting Will over but then I remembered my face looks like hell lately and changed my mind. he was supposed to call tonight, but after his mom got in that car accident, I dunno if I should wait up or not. at least she's okay...I was abit worried after he told me he was taking her to the hospital. hrm. it's always nice to talk to him on the phone though...I need to start on his mix. I just figure, once I'm done with the mix, I must invite him over, soooo hah! I gotta be prepared for that too. I at least need to get myself in order. I'd like to meet him. then I can move on from the "Dino mishap".


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Well, I finally got in touch with Gia (my semi-cousin). it turns out she was indeed not there to recieve my last message. it's good catching up with her. she's now just starting high school. it seems cool to recall my own high school days. how I banged my head on the ceiling of the bus (my hair was in a high ponytail) and fell over in front of everyone. good times. she seems to be doing well from what I hear; I never even went to one of my school's football games. we'd rather have been driving around town than at a football game after school that's for sure. heh.


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Oh yes, I've got money now. $100 to do with as I like. maybe that's why eBay isn't as predominate as it once was. I still want more money (selfish person that I am), so I'm still going to list those items when I can gather up the energy (yes, it takes energy to display items out and take pictures; there's also the description; coding of the listing; blechblech). I do usually feel triumphant once I see the bids rolling in, so that should be my incentive.


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Now, as my ears ring and I feel sleepier, I stop thinking so damn much.

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