Ever just not have a word to say? life hasn't changed since monday...sad ain't it? I make it seem like life is some object! hee! that's funny isn't it? yes, life hasn't moved...life...!! life is on cardiac arrest! life needs to breathe in the air and take a nice walk....life needs to get up off it's ass. life is boring. heh heh. I'm so hilarious in my times of non-thinking brain syndrome. yes, it's my new term for when I absolutely have no idea what to say.

Blank Stares
08:25 PM CST

I did have a dream that involved shaun. I always say things are doomed once the dreams start, but he said yesterday he wouldn't let that happen. I mean, no doomed results. we'll see...I still get antsy. I mean, sometimes I go back to thinking I have no one to talk to and it's the days when I'd just sit and read my bookmarks absentmindedly and then go to bed. I did have ethan and FB for awhile who I talked to on icq in the evenings but only till around 1 or 2am and then I'd go to bed. plus, that wasn't an everyday thing and I wasn't connected to them at all. I thought there was something between me and FB, but that was just wishful thinking and I've accepted that now. anyway, it's just weird sometimes to think of how sociable I've become in just the last month. first there was Will which I was surprised over as well (I mean, I almost deleted his first email on august 1st thinking it was porn!! I guess something told me to open it...) and then shaun just appeared. I mean, no building up, no anticipating or intense liking first. it was just like he appeared with an "I'm lonely" and there it became. I just find it all completely shocking....that I didn't go through all that worrying over rejection. I didn't even notice I was falling for him till he started in with me. I didn't think there was a relationship at the beginning and then all of the sudden I made up my mind.

I veered off course here...yes, I know. in the dream shaun was climbing to the second story of my house. I saw the top of his head there as he struggled grabbing onto the outside windowsill and I freaked out. I then thought 'why wouldn't he just use the door, eh?' I didn't know he was coming, but as soon as I opened the window and he crawled in, it all made sense. he wrapped his arms around me from behind cause for some reason I was disoriented and facing the other way. he kissed the back of my neck saying 'it's reality now' or something and I shuddered and gave this look like 'I can't believe this is happening!!'

Soon enough we were downstairs and mom was sitting in the corner shaking her head alot. the guest was there too trying to convince her to go to dinner with him. me and shaun were over at this cafeteria-like table that was supposedly in the kitchen (um suuure). mom glared at us evily. she kept shaking her head like she didn't want to go to dinner. I felt guilty as all hell and looked at the ground and at my shoes alot. shaun just held me and didn't say one word the whole time. weird. then I woke up.

I'm not sure what to make of this dream. I think he appeared in a dream the other day, too. he was on this video phone like the ones on The Jetsons!! he was dressed weirdly; maybe prince attire (like you'd see in fairy tales I guess). hmm! I didn't know what he was saying in that dream cause the "volume" was down on the phone and I kept trying to read lips. wasn't working, so I turned away in frustration. I hope that dream doesn't exemplify something bad like we can't communicate well. ummm...uh oh!


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Other than weird dreams (I said I wanted sexy dreams damnit! not claaaazy cllaaazy ones!), I've just been eating alot, listening to my Ayumi disk (yes!! it came in the mail yesterday and I've been listening to it off and on since...it came in a pretty orange plastic wrapped container. me likes - me likes alot! thank you shaun, I love love love you!) and working on that forum day and night since last time. it's been my main project. it's now up as the announcement says on the front page. I'm so haaaapppy that I pulled through! and that lindsey joined...all my friends really, so, yes, I guess instead of trying to think of something to say, I'll be going over there to be all powerful and shit.

I want to buy some stuff and get eBay items up, too. yeah, I plan on being busier than usual. aren't I miss determination?

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