It has been pouring the past couple of days. no drop of sunlight in sight. just grey clouds circling the house like a menace. yeah, I wanted to crawl back in bed since I was clammy and abit off in demeanor. well, I think with my tooth feeling better, sinuses had to take over again cause no way, no how will I ever be free of symptoms. that would be sacrilegious!

The Next Few Days I'm Free...
10:32 PM CST

There are good things though to make up for yesterday's sadness. I heard alot from Shaun today; he does make me feel good when I'm down. truely. I don't say that about too many people (sidenote: oh yeah, André, your emails bring much giggling also! don't you think you don't rock, cause ya do! r0x0rz!!).

Now I'm going to design a journal for him. I mean, I haven't done one since may/june and I've been aching for something to do! hell yeah! I plan on searching for some photos to manipulate later. if I can't find a good enough one, I'll sketch, but hopefully it won't come to that. scanning in and manipulating sketches is harder than art already online. well, the one ya see on the main page? it took two weeks...whatcha think about that, yo?

So, err, to do the journal, he gave out his passwords...uhh yesss. now, don't get me wrong, but that's just playin' with firrraaaah! I mean, I wouldn't pry, but ya know, when ya have the power to pry, it's sorta an arousing thing to want to do. ya just think about reading revealing info all day when it could be, there isn't any. I know as well as any I don't get exciting email....(not counting you André!!). I just don't give my password out cause for one thing, if ya have one of my passwords, you have em all. it's not a good idea to give it out. I usually stick to the same one since it's easier to remember that way. I do have a rather complex one for my websites but only cause they insisted on numbers. no way, no how you'll guess it! RAWR! even if you did guess the numbers, ya still wouldn't get it, so stop trying. I sometimes see people try to access the password protected stats. ain't no way, no how. hee! I figure it's cause I click on referrals from there...that might be it. let's hope people aren't trying to hack. I always worry about such things.

Anyway, so, he gave me his passwords. now, I can design the thing for him. hopefully after all that, he'll write in it. it takes effort to do this sort've thing. oh yeah, I guess since he gave his passwords out, it makes him look like he trusts me more :P aaah well, I would give mine out if they all weren't the same.

He called me once he got was such a surprise phonecall I almost didn't listen to the message! I mean, mom was coming upstairs with her tea since she expects the guest to call around this time, but nope. it really did make my day to hear from him again; I mean, yesterday I was dying to speak to him though I could barely speak...worse than I am today. I just like surprises sometimes...unless I'm sick. good thing I could speak - that's all I'm sayin' :)

I liked hearing his voice; seriously. I wanted to sing, but I had no music in that room. darn, ya know? he'd probably find that atad freaky though. I mean, I sorta belted out two paraphrased bits from a song I had sung earlier, but nothing all top notch. I have problems singing in front of others, but I feel I must sometime. if I sang a depressing song, it might give off the wrong message though considering I'm pretty darn content.

Oh yeah, Richard has been messaging me again lately. he keeps saying I hate him and then goes back and forth wanting to hang out with me and such....yeah. that I find abit weird. I mean, there's no way, no how I go back in time and decide I like someone again. I mean, I'd hang out with him, but it just seems peculiar; his motives...I'd say! friendship is cool, I have no qualms with that. it's nice he's being friendly, but considering it's not always like that, I'm not all talking to him that seriously...heh. I mostly mention shaun or the forum. well, today was quite an odd one. I mean, "mowing lawn"?


I didn't mention this last time, but I've had two dreams this month since the last one about tim! I don't get that at all, yo! well, I mentioned these dreams to shaun (no, no, I don't hide things; as silly as they are) and André and the forum, so I've mentioned them. just not here.

The one after that last one involved me in an internet café typing at this little laptop. I was looking around the place and at the front door all alarmingly and then I typed out, "I want you" and then he said, "it's nice to be wanted." that's when I got these visions in my head; all these jumbled up words like a vortex. like on SE: lain or something. some enlightened burst of electronical blue light! anyway, I saw words from his journal...weird, yo! and then he said, "come on over." I searched around the place somemore figuring he was somewhere in there. I then got all in a frenzy and with hand to forehead, I slumped in the booth realising I have a boyfriend. I cannot budge.

The one that happened yesterday was just as weird. we were in a club. flashy lights! wooo! there was this circular booth there. he was sitting there across from me. we seemed to be discussing something serious. then he asks if he can have a cigarette. I then without any hesitation move in closer and whisper, "the smell of cigarette smoke turns me on" and then I just jumped him. woke up and wondered what the hell? I don't get this....

I told André, as I've said and he figures that tim represents someone I'd like to avert my feelings to or it is tim (uhh...?) I'd want to avert my feelings to since shaun has trapped me where I can't pursue others. now, now, I don't see this as a problem...I don't feel trapped at all. I can see other guys if I want, just not touch them and that's practically my life anyway. it's what ya do when ya care about someone. anyway, dreams are weird. his other suggestion was that, the dream was just trying to wake me up so I could go to the bathroom. yeah, haha.

I find them quite enticing anyway. I'll keep that to myself and uhh whoever else reads this. *snort*


Someone take me away..... I need the tasty goodness of something sweet. the tooth numbs me and I need to be sedated. I'm free.

Previous . Next


I like that you've mentioned my rocking in this entry. You're a good example to others.

I wonder, oh how I wonder, just who Anime Tim represents. I'm no expert, but I'll throw out a few guesses.

It could be possible that you are , in fact, attracted to negative ear picking wee canuckle poofs. Possibly because it would provide an excuse to excersize a latent desire to abuse and mistreat men. No one would blame you. After all, it's Ethan, and it would be funny. No offense to Ethan. Odds:30-1

There is more chance you would end up in the same place as him, and although there is nothing developing beyond the friendship level, he does have nice qualities that would be possitive in a potential mate. Odds:10-1

The dream may symbolize that even though you had feelings for him, those feelings are now gone and Shaun is the recepient of your affections. Not only have you stopped wanting a romantic relationship, you are actively moving away from the possibility. Even though those feeling were never returned in kind, they were real, and now are permanently part of the past. Odds: 15-1

This theory only works if in the dream Anime Tim responds and asks you to join him after you've already left the cafe. Odds:100-1

You wish to have a relationship with the real Shaun. Why? Because deep down you know the real Shaun is locked in a trunk in Georgia being kept alive by hillbillies feeding him through a tube, and the new, shall we say, EVIL Shaun has assumed his identity in a twisted plot to avoid capture by Interpol for the crime of breaking wind in the general direction of the Queen Mum. Odds:2-1

There you have it! The winner, in my opinion is Real Shaun. Ain't nothin' like the real thang BAYBEE!

No no. No need to thank me. Solving mysteries is what I do. My work is done here, and now I must move on. André, Man of Destiny, signing off...

- 08.29.2001 11:42 PM - André


wow, I like your theorising skillz, yo!

..and of course I want the real, though this shaun ain't evil! he gave me a surprise phone call and called me amber chan :(

... :P

oh yeah, and for those wondering, the journal for shaun is here now:

he best write in it when he comes online...hehe.

- 08.29.2001 11:54 PM - Amber


So you do admit there are two of them. Bwahahahah... Now it's official! And no take backs you!

BTW: Did you notice how HUGE my post was? Told ya. André, Man of Destiny is many things, but brief he is not!

- 08.30.2001 02:11 AM - André


um, haha. I liked the post though. I like when people participate *ahem*
I have enough space here...and comments go away after they leave the front page; I sometimes close some early if I don't feel like comments there..heh.

and erm, by the way, I did NOT mean to admit there are two, damn ya turn my words around :P

- 08.30.2001 03:39 AM - Amber


wow.. 100:1 odds. lovely

- 08.30.2001 08:16 PM - poop muffin


hi richard >_<


- 08.31.2001 12:43 AM - Amber


Well Poop, it coulda been worse. After all, having 100-1 odds is a LOT better than having the Ethan theory write up. 8Ţ

- 08.31.2001 01:13 AM - André


I derno.. at least ethan got more mention. Richard got was 100:1 odds, you suck, go to hell. DIE!. That was lovely. W00t w00t... BWAHAHAHA.. poop.. teehee.. muffin

- 08.31.2001 01:35 AM - poop muffin


Don't blame me. Ethan worked hard for his write up. He puts 110% into being a poof! His pinky muscles are four times their normal size do to constant ear picking! He EARNED that write up!

Well, OK, he may not actually pick his ears, but my Poof supposition still stands!

Besides, those theories are rock solid in their reasoning. I admit, having 100-1 odds is tough, but you can't argue with sound scientific methodology.

Speaking of science, here's a fun fact: I rock! I'm too shy and humble to have mentioned that before, but I simply can not deprive the world of such joyous news. Feel free to break into uncontrolable Huzzahs.

Until next time,
I remain,
André, Man of Destiny!

- 08.31.2001 03:07 AM - André


Well, hrmphhhh...Poop Muffin....hon, it's better to have that 100 to 1 chance than no chance at all, hon!!! Means you are still in da runnin' I think!!!!

Hee! Hee! This whole thing has me laughing me socks off!!! I needed that!!!!

:::Bows to Andre::: He's da man, yo!!!!


- 08.31.2001 11:59 AM - Starcat


André - I just have to say, speaking of science, your science is tight!

heh heh. had to use an old school squishism there.

and hey starcat! yeaah this is quite hilarious...hah. even shaun laughed when I showed him it.

- 08.31.2001 03:04 PM - Amber


Why thank you Ms. Lovely Starcat Type Person! A whole bow, all for me? No need to do that. A curtsy is perfectly acceptable. 8)

Ah, Amber... How nice that you've created a place where people can gather because they have that special common bond. They all know I rock! ~LOL~

I'm sure even Poop, deep down in his gut (just down and to the left of his pancreas), knows I'm cool like that 'cause I rock like that. Doesn't that just warm the cockles of your heart?

- 08.31.2001 04:02 PM - André


I think I would've rather seen odds: snowball's chance in hell. That would've been nicer. w00t. Not that I particularly care. just a better odd ratio would've been nice. like .. hrm I dunno. Anyway I'm gonna get ready to head out somewhere where my odds are better than 100:1 Adios

- 08.31.2001 04:43 PM - poop muffin


richard - hee! well, ya supposedly have a date now :P

- 08.31.2001 07:52 PM - Amber


yes I do.. and oh my. heeeeeeee! I hope I don't have to come home tonight :).

Sin of self-love posseseth all mine eye
and all my soul, and all my every part.
And for this sin there is no remedy,
It is so grounded inward in my heart.

You could say that's a small description of how I feel right now :)

- 08.31.2001 09:23 PM - poop muffin


OooOOooohhh, Andre, you're science is tight, eh?!?!?! kind of man!!!

:::More whole, entire bows::: for you!!!!

- 08.31.2001 09:27 PM - Starcat


You go, Poopie, baby!!!!

Hope ya get yerself some, hon!!!!


Amber, I'm lmao again!!! Hee!!

- 08.31.2001 09:29 PM - Starcat


Supposedly? Delicious in it's cruelty... Kudos on your turn to the dark side Amber! ~LOL~

- 08.31.2001 09:30 PM - André


Can anyone else feel the love in this page? Everyone is happy! Well, Poop isn't, but perhaps he will be soon! Then we'll all dance a happy dance!

- 08.31.2001 09:39 PM - André


Yes, indeedy, feel the looooooovvvvvveeeeeeee!!!! And happy dances are good things. I like doing Snoopy's happy dance the most!!!

I'm more than amused everyone is posting tonight at the same time!!! Hee!!!!! What fun!! ;-)

- 08.31.2001 09:43 PM - Starcat


why is everyone saying I'm unhappy. Trust me if you really knew me. I'm always happy :) alwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays

- 08.31.2001 09:53 PM - poop muffin


That is cool. I wonder if Poop is still here. Poop... Oh Pooo-oooooop! (Man, would that sound funky if I said it out loud...)

- 08.31.2001 09:57 PM - André


He's here! Now it's a party!

- 08.31.2001 09:58 PM - André


Where is Miss Amber?!?!?!?

She's prolly gonna shit when she sees all these messages tonight!!!! LOL!!!

Andre', you are a HOOT!!!!!

- 08.31.2001 10:02 PM - Starcat


Maybe she's on the phone with Shaun Bon Jovi? I wonder...

And thank you Starcat! Wow, I feel popular! I knew rocking would come in handy!

- 08.31.2001 10:06 PM - André


You're quite welcome, Andre'!!

As long as she isn't on the phone with Shaun Cassidy will be ok!!!! ::hic::

- 08.31.2001 10:13 PM - Starcat


will= we'll


Yeah, I'm gonna hate to see their phone bills!!!!!!

- 08.31.2001 10:14 PM - Starcat


Hate to rock and run, but the Man of Destiny needs to go take a shower. But fear not Starcat! You still have Poop! I think.

C'mon Poop! Do that poopy thing you do so well!

- 08.31.2001 10:20 PM - André


Need someone to scrub your back, Andre'?!?!?! Hee!!!!!
My Liege!!! :::bows humbly:::

- 08.31.2001 10:26 PM - Starcat


wow, um wtf??

I practically fucked myself over when I saw how many messages were here! I mean, I just came and checked around 9pm and um wow!

no, I wasn't on the phone with shaun. we've been on the phone the past two nights; he said he was going out I think. well, in the journal it alluded to it. it's all good.

I'm talking to a sexist egyptian on icq. it's scary. he's saying all men are good and all women are liars. I told him 'what the fuck ever' ..I'm good at debating..heh

- 08.31.2001 11:06 PM - Amber


Yes, we've been quite busy here Amber. Heheheh... I see Poop didn't do that poopy thing as only Poop can do. Tis a shame it tis.

Starcat: Ooooo! Naughty naughty Starcat! ~LOL~ Well I think I got my back taken care of.

- 09.01.2001 12:00 AM - André


some naughty naughty porn going down in here...erm, I won't ask.

anyway, I had to ban my first person from the site just now; some weird ebonics person...yeah, I can ban certain ips. ph33r m3!!

- 09.01.2001 12:03 AM - Amber


Wow! Your first Troll! You've arrived Amber! Doesn't it feel good to PayLess? Wait, that's not right. Oh, I mean, Huzzah!


- 09.01.2001 12:06 AM - André


indeed. payless....though makes ya feet hurt. I buy from only the best, yo! I got italian slides.

um, and yes, a troll. they were rapping or talking ebonics. I was afraid. they said 'squid in da eye' or some weird thing...humourous but noooo.!

- 09.01.2001 12:09 AM - Amber


I caught them just before you pulled it. When I posted and it was gone I knew you were online.

BTW: When you get a chance, make Poop do that poopy thing. Heheheheh!

- 09.01.2001 12:12 AM - André


aahh yeaah. I debated over not pulling it but it just seemed 'wrong' ...completely wrong.

and well, richard? I'm not sure if he's online or not. I mean, his name is always on the buddy list but ya know...I thought he was going out unless he's back?

- 09.01.2001 12:15 AM - Amber


Well, if he's offline then maybe he'll post on your next entry. Let's lift a glass in his honor, shall we?

This is for you Poop! Where ever you are! *chug chug*

And I can't say I blame you about the Troll. I must admit, it made me laugh. All those witty, sarcastic, and loving posts and then BAM! Ebonic Man slaps us all upside the head. Heheheheh...

- 09.01.2001 12:27 AM - André


guess what? oooh I've been HAD!!

the ebonics guy - siiigh. it was Will!!! I feel all silly for banning him now :\

- 09.01.2001 12:36 AM - Amber


Awww... Not Willy!!!! ~LOL~ Heheheh, you can unban him right? Right? CAN'T YOU!?! *panic*

Maybe Will can make Poop do that poopy thing. Hmmmm...

- 09.01.2001 12:45 AM - André


"urban" him? heh. he said that was his ghetto personality and he'd have to show me what he means on the phone next time. hahaha. yeah, we had about a 50min conversation last night. it was fuuuun!

oh yeah, I unbanned him. after he said he was all attracted to me...who can resist?

oooh and tim knows about this little area now. he was gonna post but he had to go to bed. ooh well.

it seems I create flirtation...maybe it's my charm ^_~

- 09.01.2001 01:02 AM - Amber


I have to. You know I do. Amber=Playa! ~LOL~ Look at all these guys chasing you. Evil Shaun (although you could say he 'caught' you), Will, even Richard seemed, shall we say, peeved at his odds. Hmmmm. HMMMMMMMMM!!! ~LOL~ Well, he shouldn't be too upset. He's got his hot hot date tonight. Yep. Yes he does.

- 09.01.2001 01:09 AM - André


oooh I'd never pursue :)

I'm a good girl as tim suggested and I AM! I'm not swayed by temptation.

anyway, yeaah. I'm completely immersed in shaun. others are just small detours.

and yeah, Richard did seem to come onto me at certain points but I think he's fiiiine now with his date! though he all came onto my mom I heard! how funny! now mom has no qualms with shaun...she actually suggested I get him a present on his bday or I'm not devoted enough. hah!

- 09.01.2001 01:15 AM - Amber


How about a collar that says: Propery of Amber. KILL KILL KILL! People would think he was in a cult! And he'd have all sorts of chances to explain it and talk about you. Now isn't that special?

And yes, you are a good girl. Yep, I don't doubt it one bit. No, never. Thought is so far from my mind I'd need the Hubble Telescope to find it. I believe it THAT MUCH!

- 09.01.2001 01:22 AM - André


Correction: That is to say I believe YOU that much. 8)

- 09.01.2001 01:24 AM - André


hee! that collar deal sounds abit S&M? I'm not that devious, yo!

now, handcuffs...yeah, that's more my thing!

yes, I'm a good girl. I care about cuddling and dancing; no naughty naughty! for real...naughty can come later.

- 09.01.2001 01:28 AM - Amber


There is a joke in that last sentence, but I will type it not. Heheheheh... Speaking of typing, where's my email you!?!?!

Just kidding! Takes your times, 'cause I knows ya likes to put some thought inta it! 8Ţ

- 09.01.2001 01:35 AM - André


actually, I was going to write back earlier today and then I saw THIS and got all put in shock. words have vanished!

don't worry, I'll write back tomorrow :P

- 09.01.2001 01:43 AM - Amber


Looking forward to your missive as always. Tomorrow I might get paid the rest o' me money! ROCK! Cross dem fingers for me.

- 09.01.2001 01:50 AM - André


ooooh money is a good thing ;)
rock on with the rockin' on!

shaun told me if he moves down here he'll get a job at adv and make a few thousand a month - then spoil me. lovely...haha.

- 09.01.2001 01:52 AM - Amber


Ahhh... He means he;ll get a job with ADV and THEN move here right? RIGHT? *raised eyebrow*

Well, I'm sure your Mom would let him crash in your living room if things don't work out. He should suggest that to her.

JKILYSIK! You remember my handy lil' acronym right?

- 09.01.2001 02:02 AM - André


hee! I know ya teaaaase!

- 09.01.2001 02:03 AM - Amber


Tease? Me? Heaven for fend! Heheheheh...

- 09.01.2001 02:10 AM - André


heh. I know, certainly not you...haha

shaun is online now. and richard actually. he seems to want to stay away from here though...hehe. I dunno.

- 09.01.2001 02:13 AM - Amber


oh my.. so drunk.. dizziness go away... come back some others day.. oh my.. whoooooooooooooooo!

- 09.01.2001 02:13 AM - poop muffin


nevermind...he's here.

- 09.01.2001 02:15 AM - Amber


Heheheheh... He absuses alchohol! That damages the liver! It's funny! LIVERS ROCK!

Say hi to Mr. Bon Jovi for me Amber.

- 09.01.2001 02:17 AM - André


he doesn't like to be preached about his drinking, yo! heh

oh and will do.

- 09.01.2001 02:20 AM - Amber


What, you don't find liver damage funny? I dare you, DARE YOU, to look at a damaged liver and not laugh. It can't be done. I keep one in a jar for this specific reason! The kids love it! "Want to play PlayStation kids?" I say. "Screw dat! Get out the liver! LI-VAH!!!!" they scream. It's heart warming.

- 09.01.2001 02:25 AM - André


whatever.. w00t w00t

- 09.01.2001 02:25 AM - poopmuffin


hah! you're insane, yo!

and this entry is insanely long. I can't believe it! heh heh.

- 09.01.2001 02:27 AM - Amber


Yep yep! 61 comments and running! And we stayed on topic the whole time! *snicker* Well, maybe not, but we stayed pretty close to it!

- 09.01.2001 02:30 AM - André


indeed. it *has* stayed semi-on topic. plus, I said friends could talk. I just didn't want SPAMers..which I thought Will was. I felt really embarassed about that.

- 09.01.2001 02:34 AM - Amber


Poor poor Will. Has the horrific banned episode forever marred his posting life!?! How, oh how, shall he recover? *SOB* He was our last hope at getting Poop to do that poopy thing he does so well! Heheheh...

- 09.01.2001 02:39 AM - André


hahahaha. aw, he said he might post again sometime. he was cool with it. heeey I told him I was going to ban this insane post and he said, "okay, yeah, that's weird" or something.

then he said I was tooo serious when telling me the truth once he was already banned! haha.

- 09.01.2001 02:41 AM - Amber


Too strict eh? Must be that latent man abusing dominatrix persona buried deep inside you, which I alluded to in my theories. See how this discussion quickly gets back on topic! 8)

- 09.01.2001 02:44 AM - André


I don't abuse men. I'm a leader of men...erm...damn. I paused to riot.

there's a joke somewhere in there...alluding to a song and some entry I wrote at one point.

- 09.01.2001 02:47 AM - Amber


You? Abusive? Oh peeshaw! Never! No Piqueńa Ambersita! I'm sure that handcuffs, hot wax, and nipple clamps are for some innocent purpose. Really.

OK, I made the hot wax and nipple clamps up. I'd hate to think some uninformed person could stumble in here and sart requesting your disciplinary services.

- 09.01.2001 02:54 AM - André


yeah, okay, this entry alone will get me weird searches forever I bet.

like I don't get enough!

- 09.01.2001 02:57 AM - Amber


This scene popped into my head, so it must be foo. Pardon the asterisk laden French:

Amber: Grab my belt b*tch! *whip whip whip!*

Gimp: Oww! Thank you ma'am may I have another!

And so ends another installment of Master Beast Theatre. *clap clap clap*

- 09.01.2001 03:04 AM - André


oh. my. GOD.!

tell me it tisn't so sir! tell meeeee!! anyway, the word bitch is okay - hey they no longer censor it on regular tv!

- 09.01.2001 03:08 AM - Amber


Yeah, but you know me you do. I TRY to refrain. Except when I say ass. Ass is a funny word.

Hmmm... This page contains the words ass, bitch, gimp, wax, handcuffs, liver, and poop. Wonder what kinda surfer will be drawn by THAT search string! Heheheheh...

- 09.01.2001 03:15 AM - André


who knows. sometimes I get normal ones like "stapleless staplers" that for the second day in a row.

and I understand the refraining...hell. I said "what the fuck ever" today. actually, okay I said the word 'fuck' alot here too. damn, I'm a bad girl >:)

- 09.01.2001 03:20 AM - Amber


Ah HA! You admit you're bad! (It's in the title bar of your top page!) Now it's offical! I'm two for two! WOO HOO! ~LOL~


- 09.01.2001 03:23 AM - André


yeah, it's all part of my image. I'm not realllly bad. I mean, I only say 'fuck' outloud if I seriously hurt myself or I'm repeating a conversation outloud. yeah, don't go by image. it's all about quenchin' your thirst.

hee! now I'm turning into you with those comments that turn into commercials.

- 09.01.2001 03:26 AM - Amber


actually - *ahem* it's "thirst is everything; image is nothing! quench your thirst!"

yeah, okay...

- 09.01.2001 03:27 AM - Amber again..


You must be catching my Rockitude™ from all the prolonged exposure. Ain't it grand?

There's another joke in the phrase, "Quench your thirst..." but again, I shall type it not. 8)

Heheheh... Hahahah... BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

- 09.01.2001 03:30 AM - André



indeed. don't say it.
but it's scary I think I know what you're talkin' about. or I'll pretend I do or I'll pretend I don't. I'll shutup.

- 09.01.2001 03:33 AM - Amber


Heheheh... Well, hate to rock and run yet again, but I think it's high time I stumbled on into bed. Catch ya laters Amberita!

André, Man of Destiny, signing off...

- 09.01.2001 03:37 AM - André


incase anyone is interested. I found the key to sober up quickly. Long hot showers with your cat. Well my cat wasn't in the shower with me.. but she went in the bathroom with me because she was worried. Such asweetie

- 09.01.2001 03:39 AM - poopmuffin


well, it's all good. it is quite late and don't want this thing to break :P


- 09.01.2001 03:39 AM - Amber


holy batshit, batman!!!!

I knew I should have come back last night!!!
Now I have quite a bit of reading to do.........

- 09.01.2001 07:18 PM - Starcat


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