may 07, 2000
in my head
stupid klutz!! shutup with the 'ooops'!!

10:43pm

argument between me and my brain about music:

ME:
hmmm...I should definitely listen to wild mood swings. I haven't heard that in awhile.

MY BRAIN:
what??? that's not the best album ya know. go for the first one with boys don't cry. I've been wanting to hear fire in cairo for awhile now ya know?

ME:
just shutup and let me think!! ::walks over to cd organizer and pauses with finger in air roaming the cds...finally picks up boys don't cry:::

MY BRAIN:
aha!!! I knew you wouldn't doubt my better judgement!

[aside: that was quite a good cd. I forgot about it. I guess my brain is usually right when it makes firsthand decisions]

me after being rejected:

ME:
ooh noo I don't want to hear anymore...I feel the tears about to come

MY BRAIN:
that's right, nobody loves you. boohoo! think about the kids with no beef in samalia.

ME:
but I don't know those kids and they might just be happy because they have somebody who loves them..whaaah.

MY BRAIN:
you're being childish. do you want people to think of you as a weakling who only cares about guys and what they think of you.

ME:
::deep breath:: okay, I'll try not to cry till later.

me after I bang into something:

ME [outloud]:
::under breath:: aww fucker!! fuckfuckfuckfuck owww! ::louder:: ooops!

MY BRAIN:
you sound sooo stupid when you say "oops!" every damn time you bang into something or make a noise. you should tone it down abit dontchathink?

ME:
ooh great. I'm a loser. I'm the worst loser in the world. I do stupid things. I should just jump out the window.

MY BRAIN:
you know you won't do it so just shutup about it. the window is there ya know?

ME:
yeah...you're right. I think I'll just type more on my weblog.

MY BRAIN:
that's a good girl...yay!! let's find more websites!! let's make graphics!!

well, you basically get the idea. I'm a nutcase when it comes to certain things. I just keep thinking about it and my brain is always arguing with me or over my firsthand thoughts or words.

I would have a screenplay of my daydreams if I could, but erm, they're abit personal. always having to do with regular situations where nothing bad ever happens or if it does it's always resolved and I always end up feeling complete joy with those I'm with. not a usual thing in reality. I seem to like to have daydreams about me driving on roadtrips or at the airport. this could be a sign of some sort that I'd like to do these things. I dunno. it sounds better with the context, cast and the fact that I'm at home choosing the way I will react in the situation when I know in reality I will probably screw it up and cry and have a panic attack. I realise dreams are better than reality; at least I know that.

anyway, I got offcourse here. this was supposed to be humorous.

MY BRAIN:
such a stupid arse!! you aren't even funny!! you're not I tell ya!

ME:
yeah, you're right. I never said I was.


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All Writing/Images Copyright 2000-01 Amber.
sardonic-hee enterprises

learned:
my brain is usually right. I'm wrong.

issue:
aah...figuring out my stupid weblog. it still won't do archives right.

on tv:
nothing. today was boring tv day.

anticipation:
the belle & sebastian album I'm getting so I can make more music clips.

countdown to birthday:
about 8 days. look at my wish list: here

contemplated:
why I have to overthink everything.

crave:
another halls defense drop? you betcha!