may 07, 2000
in my head
stupid klutz!! shutup with the 'ooops'!!


argument between me and my brain about music:

hmmm...I should definitely listen to wild mood swings. I haven't heard that in awhile.

what??? that's not the best album ya know. go for the first one with boys don't cry. I've been wanting to hear fire in cairo for awhile now ya know?

just shutup and let me think!! ::walks over to cd organizer and pauses with finger in air roaming the cds...finally picks up boys don't cry:::

aha!!! I knew you wouldn't doubt my better judgement!

[aside: that was quite a good cd. I forgot about it. I guess my brain is usually right when it makes firsthand decisions]

me after being rejected:

ooh noo I don't want to hear anymore...I feel the tears about to come

that's right, nobody loves you. boohoo! think about the kids with no beef in samalia.

but I don't know those kids and they might just be happy because they have somebody who loves them..whaaah.

you're being childish. do you want people to think of you as a weakling who only cares about guys and what they think of you.

::deep breath:: okay, I'll try not to cry till later.

me after I bang into something:

ME [outloud]:
::under breath:: aww fucker!! fuckfuckfuckfuck owww! ::louder:: ooops!

you sound sooo stupid when you say "oops!" every damn time you bang into something or make a noise. you should tone it down abit dontchathink?

ooh great. I'm a loser. I'm the worst loser in the world. I do stupid things. I should just jump out the window.

you know you won't do it so just shutup about it. the window is there ya know?

ME:'re right. I think I'll just type more on my weblog.

that's a good girl...yay!! let's find more websites!! let's make graphics!!

well, you basically get the idea. I'm a nutcase when it comes to certain things. I just keep thinking about it and my brain is always arguing with me or over my firsthand thoughts or words.

I would have a screenplay of my daydreams if I could, but erm, they're abit personal. always having to do with regular situations where nothing bad ever happens or if it does it's always resolved and I always end up feeling complete joy with those I'm with. not a usual thing in reality. I seem to like to have daydreams about me driving on roadtrips or at the airport. this could be a sign of some sort that I'd like to do these things. I dunno. it sounds better with the context, cast and the fact that I'm at home choosing the way I will react in the situation when I know in reality I will probably screw it up and cry and have a panic attack. I realise dreams are better than reality; at least I know that.

anyway, I got offcourse here. this was supposed to be humorous.

such a stupid arse!! you aren't even funny!! you're not I tell ya!

yeah, you're right. I never said I was.

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All Writing/Images Copyright 2000-01 Amber.
sardonic-hee enterprises

my brain is usually right. I'm wrong.

aah...figuring out my stupid weblog. it still won't do archives right.

on tv:
nothing. today was boring tv day.

the belle & sebastian album I'm getting so I can make more music clips.

countdown to birthday:
about 8 days. look at my wish list: here

why I have to overthink everything.

another halls defense drop? you betcha!