may 02, 2000
as the rain falls outside, I'm in another world
I've had trouble remembering my dreams lately, but I know it has to do with being preoccupied with the layout mess and the guest being here and worrying about staying normal. I was feeling off and messed up the past week. sleep deprivation and icky stomach problems. yesterday was the worst pain I've ever had. of course, I woke up off and on from 9am-1pm.
I had many strange dreams inbetween the pain. one, that my ear was falling apart from the drainage and I actually got scared and thought it really was falling apart. I had to make sure later on. this reminds me of pamie's forum on dreams and how everyone was having the teeth dream. I've had that one often and got used to it, but ears now!!! that's just odd.
I also had another dream once I went back to sleep that I went back to math class and only that class and I didn't know what we were doing. everyone was wearing graduation gowns and were also visiting. I sat in a desk in awe of everything and wondering if I'd pass math. weird.
now, I had the most vivid dream this morning/afternoon. I will write word for word what I scribbled in my notebook once I woke up for the second time [I woke up from the pounding rain at 10:30am and realised the tv was still on from the night before and rikki lake was on; I put it on mute and went back to sleep]. okay, here's the dream:
movie theatre dream
we went to the movie theatre for some field trip. the first movie we went and saw had me falling asleep. it was a rather comfortable theatre. it had stairs and we were at the top. we each had a mini 9" tv underneath the chair in front of us, so we could watch without straining our eyes. during a bathroom break [I was wondering if it was okay to get up and how far I'd have to run to reach the bathroom at the time] I see some people walking down the steps near my aisle seat. one of them is angela and she drops a three page letter in my lap [only the first is actually written on. other two are just scribbles]. I read it and it's about teri and moving on. it has an exaggerated sketch of her on it wearing wire rim glasses. she doesn't wear glasses. those next to me want to read it, so I smile and pass it on. it had everyone crying. even the fat black security guard lady. I just smiled since people were curious and liked it. the guy sitting next to me nudged my arm and smiled. soon I'm walking through the dark semi-lighted halls of the theatre with two people. one thin girl with shoulder length brown hair and glasses wearing a cotton short sleeved turtleneck and jeans and a fat guy wearing shorts and a t-shirt. we were searching for a horror flick since they were trying to scare each other on the way there. I was making sure I didn't lose sight of them so I wouldn't be left behind. while in line, I lost my ticket and put a mound of old halls defense wrappers in the ushers hand instead and said, "wait, I lost my ticket..." searching my pockets as the guy rolled his eyes, hand open and outstretched. the fat guy comes up and lays my ticket in his hand. we run in and I decide I should just sit next to those I came with, but they're chatting amongst friends so, sad with head down, I find an empty seat and sit. I see angela and evita and them up ahead, but I don't get up. I just sit there pretending not to notice. as I leave this movie, I realise I don't remember what it was about at all. I think of the movie before that and only picture a cat, frustrated what a waste I think. I end up with the group and the teacher mentions we should do this again on monday [it was supposedly friday] since we need to see the nanny [hmmm]. I seemed upset since I hate going out and that'll be torture, but I kept it to myself. we ended up in the gift shop where I almost bought a pack of orange tic tacs. instead I lay down looking at a sailor moon display. I realise I'm not at home and begin to panic [oh great...can't even enjoy my dreams]. I'm then misplaced and searching for the movie the group would see...I lost those I was following. I hopped around the maze of dark hallways. I came at an intersection and read the movie signs. I started to become confused since I didn't recognise one title [I don't remember any of the titles I read besides working on it]!
I ended up in a large crowd as I walked up the steps [there were many stairs; this theatre was huuuge and very luxurious]. I found someone from our group and I looked off at this movie sign off to the side in the far distance. the girl yelled to someone nearby, "look! some guy just changed the name of that movie!! wow!!" I looked again and the black letters changed before my eyes. it read "DO TAI" in caps and I grinned; waking up to rain at 12:45pm in my bed. aaah.
I somehow think the "do tai" thing had to do with taebo and I should exercise. it just might be telling my brain that I'm a lazy ass. or maybe not. I did seem to think that the movie got changed because the guy had won a contest to name the movie. I didn't quite figure this out till later after I wrote the dream down though. quite interesting. I know why I dreamt of movies and movie theatres. it's because I read someone's review of a movie late last night and it must have stuck in my head all night. the teri thing was news to me. I was very sad when reading the letter in the dream though I remember nothing of what angela wrote in it. maybe it has to do with choosing teri over all the great friends I had freshmen year of high school which made me distant from everyone. all these thoughts come up in dreams. I know I'll never let it go, will I? it sure puts a damper on things when I see angela and evita or heather or anyone I knew in dreams. makes me realise that they are gone, doing better things and I just let them pass. aah...I'm just screwed.
I guess I should be glad I didn't have another dream with michael jackson in it as ethan would probably mention!
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All Writing/Images Copyright © 2000-01 Amber.
I must be repressing tons of stuff by the looks of my dreams when I have them
wanting to know about my roots now that I read pamie's forum today. I realise I don't know much. I don't know about other's past since I don't ask and I don't know about my family's culture since I don't ask..gee.
107.5 the buzz [there's a commercial on now]. letters by stroke 9 just played though. I like that song; it's catchy.
my dreams in comparison with my life..how it's going. and some things I'd rather not discuss.
may issue of jane magazine