december 31, 2000
the new years entry
and sucky sinuses

11:15pm

okay, I promised a live entry this year too like last year where I ramble on and on till midnight and upload bits separately. I'm simply not in the mood. my sinuses have reached unmeasurable heights and I can't take it. it just figures, right? I hardly ate anything, so it can't be that. my palms are sweaty and cold. it's just tough being me.

anyway, I guess I'll still do it, but it'll suck. not how I figured it would be. today it rained. I woke up at about 3pm and it rained. have I mentioned my stomach hates me? I couldn't hardly sleep last night since it was so bloated I couldn't breathe. sometimes there'd be a piercing pain in my side and I'd have to stand up and pace back and forth and go back. I couldn't have the covers completely on me since it just made my stomach even stuffier. I didn't know what was wrong, but I just thought I was going to drop down dead. this is what I think everytime something unexplainable happens. I mean, I know where the bloating came from, I know why it's like that and I did it to myself really and I won't discuss what it is cause it's stupid. it's just never been like this in all the times I have caused it to be bloated. it's usually just the usual slight grumble and I take care of it. this bloating refuses to be taken care of; it wants to slowly kill me. I know it does. it feels like I'm in some alternate universe and this pain isn't real with me. that I've been taken somewhere else where time has stopped or doesn't exist. that soon I'll appear back where I was before with none of these so-called problems.

okay uploading this.... it's the halfway mark! the halfway mark! 11:30!! hah!


alright, so, anyway, I got sooo bored that I printed out every entry I've ever written over here in this journal since I started hazycolour. it ate up all the ink and I wasn't able to even print out the last three entries. it started sputtering out unreadable crap. I used up a whole stack of paper. I mean, I kept having to feed it more. now, this stack of documents of my ramblings from this page could make a whole book and they are sitting in my five star [tm] notebook. I bet they will never see the light of day again. just small things I do that make no sense. I just figured that with the new year coming, and in case I lose all files on this website, I wanted them in tangent form. some would say just to put it on a disk and that would've been simpler and saved alot of time, but I just have floppies and they suck. you can't fit much of anything on them. I used to just write entries in a paper journal and type them up here in the past so there wasn't this problem. without my paper journal since may, I haven't written out an entry since then.

did ya know, the clock I'm using to time this entry to the new year is wrong?? it is! by like three minutes. it was like ten minutes off last week and it continues to do that phantom thing where it seems to lose more time. I'm afraid this entry will be on inaccurate terms!! eek!

oh yeah, they came back home awhile ago, so I'm not alone anymore. they're making too much fucking noise though. I mean, the slamming of doors and such and eww the food smells. I hate my sinuses. they make me alot more alert and make everything much more intolerable. I think one is in the bathroom. you know how I feel about not having a bathroom available right??? fuck! not that I'd get up right now, but think about it. I need the option. I've went over this in a past entry. I hate myself. whinewhinewhine.

did I mention this entry sucks yet? I'm uploading what I got so far now. I don't care. fuck this.


hmm so anyway, I just had some sort of fit [I was going to use a big word, but my brain hurts so I forgot how to spell. I hate spelling errors] when mom walked in to see the times square new years celebration on abc. I kept smelling some strong citrus scent mixed with food and I grabbed at my head and growled. then mom said, "well, happy new year to you then!" and I went off on some rant about how much I've hated every new year. how every one of them has sucked especially the one before last. I don't know what I was talking about, but of course, the one before last was pretty bad. I don't even want to think about it. I'm dying. I don't want to continue with this entry.

I'm on page 109 of shopgirl. I think I'll finish in at least two days the way things are looking and will be able to discuss with the book club group. I could've been done by now, but I've been only reading about ten pages a night, so it slows things down. I did read abit earlier on tonight when my stomach started to bother me again. I'm not sure what is worse. heart attack symptoms or virus symptoms or sinus mixed with sicky symptoms is worse. I sound like I'm drunk. that's how I get when I start rambling and can't make a coherant sentence. ah well. you asked for it!!! I'm not even spell checking or reading over this. I bet anything it sounds like a freak on crack.

time to upload.


okay, according to my room clock which is correct, it is now new years. happy new year to us in the central time zone. I know eastern already had theirs and they're what count. this clock says 11:52 though, but I'm done. the fireworks have started outside. and I feel worse than ever. goodnight.


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