december 25, 2000
and I remember..
plus, what I got this year


today was very quiet. no loud boistorous relatives for me. oh no. I'm sure it was better than some since I at least had mom and dad both here for yesterday and most of today. dad tried building my tv stand, but was unable to get it to work; saying it was missing a part. mom thinks he just put it together backwards and that's why it doesn't fit. maybe he's trying to put the bottom piece on top ..hee! it does look like a puzzle where the pieces have been squeezed like bloody murder to fit into a spot that it wasn't supposed to fit into. that's the only way I can explain the catastrophe mangled about the living room floor.

I did get abit nostalgic for christmas' past for most of last night and part of today. when lindsey came online at aunt marian's I could actually picture them there since I remember sitting in their family room watching tv many years trying to stay away from the kids. or I'd be in the kitchen area where the adults were while they drank tea. that's exactly where I first tried hot tea but it wasn't hot anymore. it was luke warm and nashty. I remember wearing those itchy dresses. specifically the green one with the plasticy frill underneath which made it poof out; I hated that dress like hell. I wore these dress shoes too which made me slip in the snow.

I told the story of the lost shoe in the snow on forums yesterday, but here it goes; I was trying to get in the car with aunt jo jo, mom, lindsey [maybe?] and there was a big snowmound right next to the car. when I moved my foot to step in, trying to be careful, my other foot slipped, shoe came off and I had my whole stocking-ed foot buried in the snow. I let out a yelp and I began to cry silently while mom wrapped it with a towel and held it in her lap the whole way to aunt jo jo's house. when there, I figured things couldn't get worse and I'd get to open presents so me and lindsey both picked out presents from beneath the tree and shook them for suspense while they snapped some pictures blinding us with the flash. my present seemed way too small and had an odd tinny sound to it. I ripped the paper off same as lindsey just ignoring it and not even guessing at what it could be. when I opened the box I thought it was going to be some sort of jewelry and it was EARRINGS!! I don't have my ears pierced so I knew I had made a mistake. I was told by one of the adults when I showed them what I got, that I had opened the wrong gift and that it was alright. I could open another one and things would be fine. instead, I crawled onto the couch on their indoor porch and began to cry into the pillow. what a merry xmas that was! the worst in history for me.

there were other bad years like the 422 disaster, but that didn't involve me entirely so I just ignored it and ate my grilled cheese and wrote in my notebook like nothing was going on. it sure was a riot though. I giggled abit to offset the mood.

I miss the Red Lobster meals on xmas eve where I'd refuse to share my cheese sticks and doodle all over the kids menu and when we'd go home and open gifts at either aunt jo jo's or grandma's house in front of the tree which had all the gifts neatly organised by person; me and lindsey's piles were always in competition for the biggest. I miss those things the most. also, christmas morning; waking up in the morning to look at what I got in my stocking and seeing all the nice gifts under the tree. they looked shinier; brighter; like they really did come from santa even though I knew they didn't. I was aware of there being no santa from an early age. as long as I can remember. I did wait up one year till very late at night in my pjs in the hallway at grandma's right in the entranceway to the living room waiting. there is no chimney in there so I figured he'd magically appear in the doorway or something. silly. I don't even think I really thought that would happen. I was just bored.

after the present opening, there would be food galore. always start it off with the wedding soup once everyone has claimed their table and seat [never have I sat at the kid table ever!!] and talked amongst themselves for at least an hour or so. I'd always have wet hair and a new outfit on since I always got a new outfit to wear for xmas every year and I'd procrastinate on the shower but be done in time for the guests everytime. barely, but I'd be ready. I never really got fully dressed though. no shoes or hairpieces or makeup. lindsey always seemed to dressup and that always made me feel underdressed in my spectacle even if I was clean and had new clothing on. *shrugs*

once I got older, I'd lock myself in the bedroom or go to the basement after dinner. I was very antisocial. it was funny when the little kids would lose each other and go searching the house. they'd always peek in, I'd say a small "helloo" and they'd run off. kids..gotta love em!! we'd play new games every year too and sometimes even on a new system! I stopped getting new systems after two xmas' ..I have an N64 and a Playstation. I made it look like I get a billion systems! nooo it was mostly games after that. we'd try to teach the little kids how to play, but they were bad at everything except hopper [their own game].

after that, it was usually trivial pursuit time for the adults on the indoor porch. I never was able to really join in officially since I sucked at that game. I'd volunteer an answer every decade or so. hah! we also would play song burst some years for fun's sake. the trivial pursuit was for the hardcore adults; the men mostly. song burst was hard for me too though. ugh. I'm not a game person I guess. I loved monopoly though and well, Quija was fun too for the spookiness sake. okay, I'm getting offcourse here. anyway, we'd play games and eat dessert mostly. this would turn into an allnighter deal until they got restless and would say their goodbyes around midnight. some would leave early but there were always the straglers. siigh. I shouldn't go on since it's really hard to discuss when I wasn't there the past two years.

this year was, as I said, pretty quiet. even moreso than last year. there was no tree. there were no twinkling lights. there were no pictures. dad came over though of course. he tried to get me some cookies today so it would be more cheerful since I finished off all the cut and bake, but nothing was open except Denny's and a japanese restaurant/take out place. it figures. so no cookie for you!! [in ben brown 'no chatlove' voice]

I'm going to list what I got for xmas now because I have to find some way to end this that doesn't suck:

-Shopgirl by Steve Martin [yayyy!! I get to join in with the bookclub at the Squishy forum now!]
-the picture frame I coveted from that says friends. awww. I put the picture of me and lindsey in it ;)
-a cd labeling kit [for my mix cds so they can have cd art too! not just the cover will have art now! I think they're stickers that go over the disk. cool!
-a new paper journal [I've been wanting one since may!! woohoo!! now I can get really deep; or not. it'll probably just be like this one..pbbt!]

stuff that still has yet to come
-9 Sailor Moon Mixx Comics
-a new SM calendar
-a new SM youth t-shirt to sleep in. it's black and cute! I love black!
-Sailor Moon R DVD [thanks to Loucifer of the forum! I'm still overjoyed over that!]

stuff I got last week which I listed on the weblog but what the hell
-Being John Malkovich DVD
-Tenchi The Movie 2- Daughter of Darkness DVD
-Tenchi Forever DVD
-Eva vol 1 and 2 DVDs
-Sailor Moon Super S DVD
-Up a Tree by Looper
-Stories From The City, Stories From The Sea by PJ Harvey
-3 books [I'm too tired to list em, but one was the Frog Pajamas one by Tom Robbins; I wish I had the book in here so I can write the title correctly]
-FF8 Soundtrack
-Slayers Royal 2 Playstation Import game [still need the adapter to play this]
-Eva II soundtrack

I guess that's a good bunch. I enjoy all of it; yes yes!! I still have to watch alll my DVDs. I just watched one so far.

and so now that I am done with that, I shall leave and watch the twinkling lights outside my window since I'm sure they'll be gone or won't hold any meaning after tonight. have a good one and if you're celebrating Kwanzaa or Hannakuuh, happy holidays since yours last longer! wheee!

oh yeah, I forgot to add in that lindsey was teaching grandpa what a computer was about last night when we were chatting. I thought that was sooo cute! he called it the phone. he said, "show me how you can talk to Amber on the phone here" ..aww. now he knows that it's not some foreign object. he has seen the light! anyway, at least this ended with a cute thought. :P

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