november 11, 2000
it's frikkin cold maaan
and misc gab of ye olde times of yore [don't ask; these titles are hard to make!]


this week the weather has turned back to cold, but no, no it wasn't a gradual change. it was a what the hell happened change. from 80's one week to 40's the next. what's going on? I don't know! I just know I'm not used to it. I'm wearing socks right now and I'm still frozen through. it's either hot as a sauna from the faulty heater or so cold ya turn into a popsicle depending on what room you're in. downstairs usually stays cool no matter if the heat is on or not. upstairs is where the heat submerges to spread doom. the kind of situation where you can just see it sneaking through the vents all snarky-like ready to kill you like some unexpected gas. you don't even realise it but BOOM! must escape room or will die of heat suffocation. so therefore, I can't turn the heat on anymore. therefore, it's lady bug socks all zee way, with kleenex and hands in sleeves [of course, not while typing this; see what I sacrifice for you??]

the weather reminds me of xmas and the holidays. even while sitting watching the Gundam Wing movie Endless Waltz I thought of xmas. the pretty lights and trees in the background of the movie; I smiled as I stared. I don't know what it is about xmas. I have mixed views on the subject. sometimes I just don't want it to show up at all since I don't have the energy to deal with presents or people [if we go up north] or any of it!! I just want to hide underneath my pillow and want it all to go away and for people to stop singing jingle bells and silent night wherever I turn...

*ahem* anyway, at the moment, I smile at the idea because there is more than a month till it's time and therefore it's not a threat yet. I can contemplate gifts I want and look at pretty lights and decorations and smile. oh, by the way, don't really ask me about the plot of the GW movie. I didn't watch it all the way through. it was an in and out type deal. I wanted to sit and watch it, but I was preoccupied and crampy. I couldn't sit still. ugh. I did watch all of sailor moon without budging though. I don't ever miss this unless I think it's going to be a rerun..and even was nice today. I like the whole pegasus plot...makes me smile.

dad came over last night. I haven't seen him since that time at the end of september when he brought that friend over. it was pleasant at the beginning; I do have that reaction when he enters the room where I just freeze. I don't move my muscles at all; no expression on face. totally freeze when I can feel him coming up the stairs to greet me. I know nothing horrible will happen, but I get this reaction everytime. I turn my chair away from him when he greets me and mumble a 'hi'. anyway, this is what I call civil.

we talked about my friends and josh [yes, I sorta mentioned the situation there; see, I actually opened up to him! this should count for something!!] and I mentioned other such things that have went on. nothing of excitement. mom brought him coffee or tea [I didn't check] and these little sara lee cakes [cheesecake and carrot cake bites]. dad continued to sluuuurp the 'drink' and munchmunchmunch gobblegobblegobble the cakes. I asked if he could please refrain from chomping. he found this rude and said I had zero tolerance and he was just eating and no, he couldn't help it. he's chewed quieter than THAT before. I know he has. and the slurping; he's never slurped that loud. it got louder as I asked him to quiet it down. he did this to tick me off. I hate how he does this. he knows I hate it. I'm not marrying someone like this. I surely won't, so if you like to be snarky, you're off the list, I've decided! haha!

it only really got messy after politics was brought up. he said that said friend [suj if you want me to drop names] had told him that I would've voted Gore if I had voted. I nodded and said this was true and he asked me about the quiz link suj had given me. I said I had taken it and was said to be a centerist [something like that; basically means I'm liberal; I'm openminded]. dad seemed to not get me in a funk until he mentioned he voted for Bush. I was mentally thinking why?!? and we got in a debate over the issues and I'm not even political!! I just brought up the good points I've heard elsewhere which struck a cord with me. especially roe v. wade and gay rights. dad started to yell and yell and say how much he was against abortions and gay marriages and it really pissed me the fuck off. I never get this riled up over an issue that doesn't pertain to me [I know...I know...this is awful, but true], but I did and it felt pretty good to speak out for once. dad seemed to like that I was speaking out but he still said that he wouldn't stray from his opinions and that he agreed with about 67% of what Bush had to offer and not so much for Gore. I guess the only good thing is that he didn't scoff me for having my own views on the issues. feh.

oh yeah, after this, I was still atad upset and wanted to change the channel from CNN [since nothing new had happened] and watch Friends which had just started. anyway, mom and dad were talking about something or other and dad was yelling. I seemed to have zero tolerance that night, so I kept covering my ears or 'shhhh' ing them [a la dr evil! hee!] and telling them to quiet it down [shoulda said 'simmmmahhh doooown noooow!' ala SNL; I know, I know, too pop culture tonight]. anyway, they continued to talk, so I banged the remote about [it got stuck underneath the desk, so I didn't do this intentionally, but they might've thought I did]. I turned the volume up to unheard of decibals till they gave me this look from hell like I was the evil bitch when well, they were talking during my show and I had asked them politely to whisper or whatever. keep it down! they left the room and it made me feel bad. I got a few tears in my eyes and swept them away. I always end up feeling bad even if I'm right. sure, it was uncalled for to cause mayhem by turning up the tv and stomping towards the tv and all this drama, but now I know why that occured. I was PMSing.

I finally talked to josh on voting day [the 7th]. it was so nice to hear from him. I know he's been taking a break from the net recently, so I try not to sound too needy or whatnot. I apologised from the mad amount of offline messages, yo! it was abit much. he joked that at least I didn't send one everyday. he had a point! anyway, he said he missed me which I just glowed like a silly schoolgirl at [okay, okay I asked him and maybe he was just being polite but when he said 'yes, I have' I just damn near lost it in a good way]. awwww...I like this. I like this alot.

he had to go off to vote and I haven't heard from him since, but he did get my virtual postcard I sent him [his birthday was nov.8 in case ya don't check the weblog]. I got an email saying he picked it up. this is good. very good.

mom told me later today [I mean, waaaay later] that she thinks josh might've tried calling me. I told her he might sometime, so to tell me if I'm asleep or whatever. anyway, she said someone called and left a message at around 1pm [I slept in till 1:08; it really figures right?]. sooo, I listened to the message. it was a young man's voice. the message said, "hello, helloooo.....hello? ::pause:: *hang up*" it was a very nice voice, whoever it was. I sometimes could fall in love with someone's voice. it was a friendly voice. I wonder if it's still on the machine *sigh*

I left him an offline message asking if he tried to call this afternoon around 1..I surely hope it was him. I can only hope.

getting all giddy again to make cookies. mmm....*gettin the cookies* [haHAH!]

now, as my fingers dinintegrate from the cold and the nausea subsides, I end this to make another mix cd. it's saturday finally.

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