october 29, 2000
crazy dreams
and the ultimate cd-r burner computer!! [basically another new system]

6:17pm [thanks to daylight savings time!]

I've been having weird dreams all weekend [well, okay, thursday included]. I sleep till I feel dead; like I've been sleeping for days and while in that sedated state, I have storylines whirring about. thursday night josh appeared in the dream. we were supposedly at my *dream induced* ohio around grandma's neighborhood. there was a dirt road and I was lost going back and forth amongst the houses side by side, row by row. I ended up in a hallway wearing a pilgramish dress. someone in the family said, "but..but he's fat!!" like they were outraged I was seeing him or something. I picked up the ends of my skirt and stomped forward grabbing his arm and saying, "no, no he's not!!" and well, that was the end of it.

friday night was very long and very complex, but I hardly remember it now. all I remember is that at the end a small girl was hanging outside the window of a very tall building. someone was holding her hands to keep her from falling all the way down. someone in the room was trying to kill all the women including me, but I don't recall what happened to me. all I know is that if they'd pick on a little girl with pigtails wearing a nightie, they'd surely pick on me and maybe not in such a polite way as throwing me out a window. um, I'm not sure what that one meant.

the dream of last night was very sketchy indeed. I was at the mall eating only one bite off of each cheese stick in my plate. I realised I couldn't eat cheese and surprisingly, husband guy was sitting at the table with me and I blurted out, "I can't eat this though!! I'm lactose intolerant!" and got very scared indeed, yet I kept eating them. I then realised I don't eat out either, and um, yeaah. it was very surreal. it was a food courtesque type atmosphere yet it seemed we were off on our own ..not near other tables. just off in a corner in another part of the mall where there were coffee shops. soon enough, husband guy was all like, "come on, lets go. the wife won't care." uh??? I soon had another plate of cheese sticks but these were not as gooey. they were tough little things. don't ask what the damn cheese stick infatuation was!! I surely don't know! his wife appeared [I guess I know what she looks like since there was a picture on his site..that's all I can say] and was all eyeing my cheese sticks. I just sorta gave a half smirk and felt atad guilty; who knows why. soon, I was walking, I was walking till I got to this department store and it looked like one of my *dream structured malls* so I knew where everything was. I saw the movie theatre right next to the pillared xmas gift department store with the little pictures of all the movies, I saw contempo, right where it should be, next to the shoe store. it was glorious. a whole mall of my own. I saw other people, but hey, they weren't recognised. it was as if they didn't exist. anyway, back to the story...I walked and walked till I got to the department store. I exited to the parking lot where there was this pickup truck. I was scared and wanted to go home. husband guy reappeared [I don't know where he was while I was wandering about, but who cares] talking to some other people I didn't know. I wasn't sure how I was going to get home. I just hopped in the pickup truck and husband guy grabbed at me, and I was like whoaaah! I had cheese sticks and I'm going to die if I don't get home fast. the ride home was quite dizzy and I felt like something was going to come up..my head bounced and bounced and things spun. I did get home though and that was that.

really, the only dream that freaked me out was the last dream. why the hell was husband guy there?!? I need to lay off the chocolate maaan.

mom thinks it's well and good that I don't have many dreams about josh since that's what jinxed the others. I don't believe in superstition [to a degree] even though I get jinxed quite enough. I just don't think it matters whether I have a ton of dreams about him or not. true, every other person I dreamt about never became my boyfriend, but does it have to do with dreams? I think not!

okay, this rant is over with.

I got another new system on monday I think? yeah, it was monday...maybe? I can't even recall the days they go by so fast. october has rushed right by me without me having a chance to turn my head and say "hello" and breathe in the air, wearing the month like a newly worn in coat [enough with the elaboration!]. anyway, this one has a CD burner. I'm already planning out mixes. I only have 27 mp3's at the moment, but the number is agrowin' and I will have enough quite soon. just to let everyone know, I know I can fit 27 songs on one disk, but these songs aren't all mine [one is mom's] and some don't belong in the genre I want to have on this current mix. so, yes yes!! I am very happy with this system. the keyboard isn't as pillowy as the last one [I just don't find it sexy at all], but the system itself is quite nice. we even rearranged the furniture abit. good feng shui? it feels okay for now.

this one isn't a compaq by the way. it's a hewlett packard. it doesn't make the beeeping noise at least. just that humming fan noise. and, lesss see lesss see, what else? it has more memory. it can do more at once. it's great. and the digicam seems to be working again. good lord! this is great news. at least sorta. I look like hell, so I can't take any till later.

no call from josh [yes, I gave him my number] as of yet. I feel abit sad and abit relieved about this. I had a conversation running through my head of what I would say on the phone with him, but what if he called during a very inoportune time and I just blow it all to hell? I can't plan things the way I want them to happen just from what I think in my head. I would like to be bold. yes, yes I would, but I don't want to scare him off either. that's my problem with many things. and c'est le vie.

I'll be waiting by the phone, but not holding my breath for the chance to hear his voice. uh huh.

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