february 17, 2001
pass the kleenex
and update on FB

9:24pm

I know, I know it has been awhile. more than a week I know. I just haven't felt like writing. my hands have been clammy and cold...I've been in a stupor for the past week or more. a few times I felt like death was coming for me. it was very unsettling indeed. my sinuses keep on going; even worse than before. I just wish winter would end thyself and let me breathe correctly and eat. if you don't ever check the weblog, you wouldn't know that I lost weight. losing weight for me is bad. I can't eat alot with these sinuses. barely 500 calories a day or I feel horrible. what's worse? feeling faintish and numb or feeling sweaty, gross and nauseated? I hate both. I hate my body for treating me so horribly so I can't function as normal.

I finished the book by the way. the one that was making me scared of the world. I guess I got over it since now I switched to nice magazines and anime comics. this is much easier on my brain for now. I don't want to read a serious book for awhile. my brain needs a rest.

today my ear bled from trying to stick something in it to relieve the pressure. my nail caught on the cartilege..yuck. mom wanted me to get away from her with that; she thought it was disgusting that my ear was bleeding. I told her it wasn't viewable! it wasn't! I just held a kleenex up to it and I guess this action made her think trembling thoughts and I guess I don't blame her. I hate the whole idea of blood except this was just a small cut. nothing horrible. it didn't hurt. it was just annoying was all.


valentine's day passed rather quickly even though I was bloated, messed up from the chocolate and down on my luck to get through to FB. I thought he was on napster and this proved he wasn't lost in a forest. this 'boy' must've been a different joshua and I'm glad. I'll get to the rest of the story soon enough. anyway, mom got me dove chocolate [what I got icky on due to an avalanche of sinuses through my nasal and throat passages], a magazine and The Princess Bride DVD. quite pleased I was since I was so distraught about the day for some reason. I haven't gotten to reading the magazine or watching the DVD yet. I tried to watch the rest of Evangelion today since whenever I had it on when the DVD player was in the comp room, I'd never pay complete attention. this time, I was interrupted for another reason and right into episode 5...


mom called out to me and said a "Mr Spook" was blinking [heh; loove her termanology]. I was shocked!! FB's cousin!! mom stayed in the room for part of our conversation telling me things I should ask to find out what happened to FB. I would've asked anyway and she was making me nervous as was the whole situation since when I get excited, my stomach begins to hurt and my ears weren't helping the matter. she soon left after I said I'd get to all of these things with time. we were catching up; I mean sheeesh. I'd hate if I got in touch with someone I hadn't talked to in months and all they wanted to ask me about was my cousin or whathaveyou. not that I wouldn't mind answering questions about lindsey [not that this is even relevant, but she's the only cousin I discuss; nyah!]. okay, so we caught up on stuff and I found out that FB got his computer hacked into when he tried to repair the damage and such so he hasn't been online since new years. he is frustrated and still attending school; taking electives, hoping to finish. anyway, that's good that he isn't lost in a forest.

I wished I could repeat part of our conversation that we had on ethan, but I mustn't since that would be rude. it was just funny what he called him! OMG!! it wasn't rude or anything, just funny as hell. here are snippets from our conversation that are safe though:

the start

Mr. Spook: 8|
8)
8P
8D

Amber: hi?

Mr. Spook: No, low. Very low. Heheheh... 8)

Amber: hahaha. where have you been?

Mr. Spook: Despite what some may postulate, I have NOT been incarcerated. The rumors of my arrest were completely false, so you should forget you never hear those rumors. Been working working. Decided to give ICQ one last go. I may have to sacrifice it soon. 8(

Amber: hee! I hadn't heard the arrest rumour I'm afraid.
aww that sucks :(
where has josh been by the way? I saw him on napster the other day and found it weird; he wouldn't say nothing though.

Mr. Spook: That was most likely Uncle Jim. Josh hasn't used Napster since he got hacked through it.


this is where he tells me what happened to him which I mentioned above
[I still find it funny that I was all acting like psycho chick when 'uncle jim' is the one who was on napster. I feel like an ass now.]


egotistical are we?

Mr. Spook: I am the world. Bask in the variety that is I. Bask I say! 8)

Amber: haha. I thought you were going to start singing, "we aare the world...we are blabla..we make the world a better place..blabla"

Mr. Spook: Then I just sit back and say, "It's all me baby. AAAAALLLLLLLLL me!"

Amber: hehehe. abit egotistical are we now?
maaan, yooo everyone compliments me in the forum and such and I just sit back and say, "uh huh, I'm real suuure ..I have a pimple on my forehead, ya know? I'm not all that" heh

Mr. Spook: Well, I am all that, but I ballannce it by encouraging others to accept all that which is in themselves. It creates an equal and sustanable whole. *make circle like motion with hands* Although I'm all that and others are not all that I am, it's merely that those things of which they are all are composed of a that which is in its entirety different from that which is I, yet is none the less equal. Simple no?

Amber: hmmm that's complex, yo! hahahahaha. I sorta saw my eyes crossing over...hee! but yes, I do tell people when they look nice and all....it's just embarassing when people do the same for me since some go overboard. I look better in pictures :P


one more bit: do you not hear? do you not seee?

Amber: yeaah, it sucks to have sinus/allergy pressure for most of the winter. I want it to be spring soon. whaah

Mr. Spook: It's all mental. What you don't realize is, you don't even HAVE ears. You're just imagining them. 8P

Amber: hahaha yes, and what am I hearing out of then? hee!

Mr. Spook: You hear things? It's worse than I thought.

so those were the basics of the conversation. much fun indeed. I haven't smiled enough lately.


now I sit here with the song Komm Susser Todd off The End of Evangelion soundtrack stuck in my head and I leave with these words, "I rock like Bob!" [taking HG's advice on saying it so you'll believe it cause I do]


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