There have been alot of irritants the past few days. small ones, but they're there. for starters, the blemish next to my left nostril. whenever I wiggle my nose, it hurts.

Mushroom Appetizers
10:57 PM CST

Beyond that, there were the UPS and Amazon irritants. one a bigger deal than the other really since I can wait for UPS to return on Monday (I'll just be mad if they come at a bad time again and don't leave the package). it's the Amazon gift certificate deal! I bought two things from the apparel area of their website, so I could get the $30 gift certificate to spend on anything else in their store. I found it a good deal, so yeah. two items came to around $54 or so. today I get an email from one of the stores sayin' they CANCELLED the order cause it's out of stock and they aren't taking backorders right now. what does this mean for my gift certificate? if I just get *one* of the items which isn't even that great since it's just a pair of plain pj pants, I won't get the deal! mom will be rather furious if I have $40 pj pants (this was with shipping and tax cause the apparel area sucks in that dept) and no deal cause I have to have $50 worth of apparel. I'm thinking about writing them an email, but I'm not sure. I forgot to talk to mom about this when she stopped in before going to another movie just now. I'm hoping there's a way to replace the cancelled item with something in stock on the same order or just cancel the whole order and buy $30 worth of stuff anyway cause there isn't enough good apparel I want in their store; no jcrew? what were they thinking!?


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Beyond that, I guess I've been okay beyond feeling rather bloated. I think it's cause of the nerves I've had lately. it makes me not want to eat as much - even having dinner and a snack sometimes upsets it, so I don't know. going through a weird time. I was well enough to get dressed today though. dad should be stopping by with my bread soon. good thing he didn't stop by any sooner since The Guest is visiting. it wouldn't bode well for them to meet. hurrah to fate! heh. or mom wanted to go to another movie cause I told her what happened. either way, hurrah!

I do semi-wish I put on another pair of pants cause these have like three closings and it makes it hard to use the restroom efficiently (sorry if that was TMI, but really; a button, a zipper *and* a metal closure?? hah! these are surefire pants to wear if you do not want to go through with sexual activity though cause it would take forever and a day for someone else to figure it out and I'd be like 'forget it!' okay not that I'd get an offer and this sidenote is waaaay too long! har..).


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The dreams lately have sucked. last week's were better. in all my tenseness, I forgot to write them down; it was the morning before richard came over that last Saturday. mostly I think those dreams were to show the worst case scenarios. one involved me in the shower kneeling on the ground cause I was too tense to stand up when richard appeared around a corner. somehow the shower was in the middle of the living room and it wasn't my living room; some dream world one with bright lights. I think I turned around in shock halfway covering up while holding the removeable showerhead then said, "I thought you weren't going to be this early!!" he just stood there in a stupor staring. I kept crawling into the shadows trying to escape the silent glare then woke up. next up, we were at lindsey's house for some reason. richard was about to appear again. everyone was sitting at a long dining room type table with dates staring at me. I was like "wha?" suddenly richard came from behind me and tackled me to the ground. he wouldn't let go; I almost felt smothered (which made the suffocation jacket thing that happened in reality just abit more premonition-like ..heh heh). he then said something about me not loving him then he said he was a professional football player now and had to go back there soon. I was all crushed when someone mentioned all his trophys and such. I was also confused cause I thought he was into boxing; not football ...hrm.

Anyway, the ones from this week -there were only two due to insomniac mornings- I was in school again and I hadn't done my English homework. this time I think I was supposed to be in college and feared being kicked out for not caring enough thus wasting my money. it was very stressful, tense and scary. I recall sayin' I hoped it was a dream and I'd wake up soon, so I wouldn't have to do the work. that's the only time I've semi-figured it was a dream in a dream. waking up was a relief that time. the next one happened this morning. I was at Red Lobster when I should've been in class on the third level. this was *fun school* so I wasn't stressed. I was all relaxed at this big executive table in a private area with stuffed fish on the walls and a private bar with a waitress staring at me as she washed a glass. I had the mushroom appetizer or somethin' ...they were floating in this bowl type deal and had green things within them. I forget what this really is, but I swear I've seen an appetizer similar somewhere if not there. I thought there must be seafood floating in it, but couldn't find it. I'm weird. it was very good though and I talked to the guy next to me about somesuch then walked off to find the crowd I hang out with on the stairs of the second level. this was a very 'other worldly' type place where I seem untense about all. perhaps it's how I wish it would be though yeah, I was still skipping class to hang out with execs, so that's still bad.


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Okay, between the dreams and now, dad stopped by, but he barely stayed cause he was afraid The Guest and mom would return soon though I told him they wouldn't be back for at least another couple hours. he wanted to bring over my gifts, too!! he was going to go home then bring them, but decided just to go home and bring them another time. oh well. he brought over the bread. no regular white bread; just garlic toast bread. oh well. I have it in a lovely plate after having re-toasted it. he also brought over some cake and garlic non-toasted bread which I said I'd save for mom. apparently I should've been there cause they decorated the place with a tree and lights. I remember from having gone there before though so I had the image in my mind.

At least we had an okay chat beyond him figuring out The Guest was the reason mom wasn't home obviously (mom doesn't drive at night). he said my hair looked nice and I should dress up more often. I only brushed it and threw on some clothes. it is true though. I usually look nice when I don't have pjs on regardless if my hair looks decent on other days, too. it sort've made dad talk to me like a person and not an invalid, so I hold an okay feeling about him at the moment. it's good since it's almost xmas. it should be that way.

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