Bah bah bah ....feeeeeh. I am in one of those moods between doing stuff where I feel like bursting into tears. not cause I'm uspet, but cause I'm spent. weird.

Don't Think
11:53 PM CST

Yesterday, with my good vibes (I like to believe), I got two boxes of xmas cards. wrote out thirty cards total. I took a break to drink tea round card eighteen and the eighteenth drawing. my hands smelled like lead and sweat and they glittered against the redness. oh yes, for once it looked like I had worked. I went into a trance for two hours. as I said before, I cannot get things done unless I press on and ignore all else. the break almost ruined me, but it actually made it better. I felt bad alot of the people in the first batch got crappy drawings and the ones towards the end got my calmed down, meaningful ones ..HAH! feel proud if you get one of the actually good sketches. some looked like blobs cause I was beginning to lose focus. that thing where the pile of cards waiting to be written seem to be growing and not lessening. I hate that mind trick. it makes a person want to just quit for awhile yet knowing if so, nothing will get done.

Anyway, when I took my break or well, around then (I don't quite remember) *santa* came around. when I heard the sirens near the house, I thought one of the buildings was on fire and we were going to catch on fire next. yes, I panic sometimes. anyway, since mom said "look!" in a giddy way and not a distressed way, I knew it couldn't be horribly bad. it was comical though.

I walked halfway down the stairs cause I didn't dress properly that day (wrinkled pjs and my robe which I tightened when I peeked around the corner by the spot where the wall below connects with the stairs) and well, I was dirty looking due to the sweat. I couldn't see much except the christmas lights shining all around the firetruck. I heard one of the neighbours say, "SANTA! Go see!" and some kids squealing I s'pose (I didn't see them run towards the truck really; just shadows in the dark). the sirens continued and I saw cars trying to go around the firetruck which was taking up the whole left side of the road. soon I turned away to walk back up the stairs sayin' I'd probably see it better from the window in mom's room. I could now see santa in the lift (connected to the firetruck) waving plus this other guy next to him; maybe he had a video cam? anyway, the lift kept going up and up and mom grew more and more giddy. it was weird how excited she was about this. she even yelled out, "Hiiiiiii!! Merry CHRIIIISTMAAAS!! YAY!" I was rather scared. alternate universe here (or she was in her hyper mood compared to the depressed whiney mood) ...heh.

Eventually santa (still in the lift) reached the balcony of the apartments across the street; almost riiiight into that guy's place. I heard some whooping and hollering. it seemed rather infested with traffic at this point trying to get around yet slowing down to look.

By the end, he was throwing out candy. mom collected a candy cane then shut the door with a "Thank Youuuu!" then she handed it to me through the railings sayin', "see, open your door sometimes and you get candy" not that I like mint, but the experience was cool. last year santa came, too, but it wasn't as cool cause he didn't stop and he appeared through that area by the pool or something. I forget. I just recall thinking it was bizarre cause I had never seen it before and well, wtf? heh.

Eventually, after my tea, I got back to writing the cards though hesitantly cause I kept viewing comics as well plus chatting which I wasn't doing before. the drawings were better though. it seems the longer I don't think about them, worrying, whathaveyou, things seem to flow smoothly. I was a wreck by the time I finished unfortunately. the one thing about not thinking is that I don't look at the clock either. it took me five hours total to write out all the cards. it wouldn't have taken as long if I just wrote one sentence in each. the drawings were the hard part. oh well. I wanted to make a rather memorable card. actually come to think of it, it did take me one hour as is to write out the addresses without even writing in the cards yet! I'm just glad they're done except for any of you who want cards and weren't on the list. I think I have four left now. if you don't get one cause ya didn't speak up or aren't reading this (which defeats the purpose of what I'm going to say anyway), I still care!


Oh man, I still have some stuff to do, too. I'm not sure I can though cause the vicious falling off the roof incident happened which causes me immobility [which isn't snazztastically correct, yo] ..oh yeah, never eat gnocchi cause it tastes like mooshed bugs without the bloody taste (although the sauce on top represents the blood); just the smashed body texture.

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