Lacking
11:23 PM CST
Frikkin' Xmas. Cards.!! I'm really starting to lose interest. I mean, I was all about xmas like three weeks ago and now that it is getting too close, I want it to go away. since it's been rather cold and/or rainy the past couple days, mom didn't stop and get the cards/stamps. I really don't want to back out of this and it isn't my fault if I was on top of things before (in thought) and now I'm falling behind. so not my fault! of course, perhaps they would have gotten here sooner if I ordered them online, but it seems silly to have them shipped to send out, right? those achewood ones still tempt me in theory though.
I'm really not mad at mom considering I wouldn't go out in that weather either. I don't have many warm things anyway, I realise. anyway, it's the fact that time is going by too fast and nothing is happening. I just sit here thinking about things and then trying to forget them till things work themselves out. I really should order the gifts though. it's a priority if they're going to get there anywhere near xmas. I don't have to wait for this month's check. charging stuff doesn't make it worth a lick of difference anyway.
As you can see, I'm just rather stressed cause I wanted to do things differently this year and I think things will just be well, sucky if not worse. at least this Thanksgiving was better which is all I could ask (there was still the pumpkin pie fiasco, but at least he didn't ask if I wanted any or I would have EXPLODED; no questions asked). xmas can only be perfect or near perfect in Ohio though ...there isn't any non-ordinary food here or any at all by xmas for some reason (one year I just had a bagel I recall). it's just rather bleak, but things could be better. I don't know how, but they could. I even considered Ohio, but it's too late. it's just TOO late. if I think it's too late for cards (almost), it's frikkin' too late to travel and have my cards sent out AND gifts ordered. that's just a given. maybe back in high school I could've pulled it off considering I didn't make myself responsible for buying any gifts or sending out many cards. I used to travel a few days before xmas at times (depending on when vacation fell that year), so it was doable. now? I don't think it is which will probably disappoint many, but they should've figured. I mean, in theory everything is good. time can stop and we can all have the perfect scenario, but in actuality, I just cannot seem to multitask enough to get it all planned out correctly.
Maybe I just need to buy the gifts, make a note about the cards and shutup. no one will hate me if their card arrives a day late. no one will shoot me down if their gift isn't on their doorstep right on time. in fact, that would just give more surprises since xmas is kind've a "that's ...it?" sort've occasion when you open everything at once. I know it used to be for me, so I rather liked having those traditions of things arriving late or opening certain gifts on one day and some the next. over here, I just will open them all on the actual day. at grandma's there'd be xmas eve and day of gifts. it doesn't matter either way though. I still get the same amount. blah, I'm rambling.
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Was there a point to this? not really. just sayin' ...didn't we just do this all like yesterday? months go by too fast and more people grow distant. lalalalala.
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