Second glass of water. third vitamin C drop. this better get better damnit.

The Smoke is Never Gonna Hurt You
11:19 PM CST

Um yeah, zee year of the Bladder Infection has returned I think. well, not all the symptoms are there, but I have a bad feeling about it due to firey pain in sides and such (ya know, now that I think about it, it resembles a brush burn which is very odd; no redness - just the feeling). mom figures it's a pms symptom when I showed where, but it does not feel like one! especially considering that it intensifies when I must use the restroom. going doesn't cause pain, but the urge does. I'm not sure what that means, but hopefully the water will help since the site said six to eight should do it. the vitamin C is just for my own well being. I think vitamin C cures everything!

Earlier tonight, dad stopped by and I really have no idea why. lately he just stops by, says a few words then leaves. verrrry suspicious. anyway, cause of becoming disoriented the past few hours, I wasn't in the mood to have a chat with him. I guess I forgot my 'be civil to dad' promise and sort've grunted in his general direction with the chair turned the other way trying to hide. he asked if it was any of those guys on the internet that got me in a bad mood. I said, "No" snottily and played the copter game still hidden by the chair facing the other direction. he then said, "obviously it has to do with the net. what's up?" "No" I said again then I mentioned how I wasn't in a talking mood to see if he'd "get" it. he never really does. "you're getting pizza soon. that should cheer ya up!" silence. at this point, after a brief pause where I thought he had gotten it, he said, "so, I did a GREAT golf game at the tournament this past weekend." I grunted again. "aren't you happy about that?" "why? it's not my thing." "I'm happy when you do good." "good at what?" "oooh c'mon! now I know you're just in a bad mood." geee, ya think?? heh. really, I try to be as silent as possible so as not to get too "chummy" ...civil is one thing. I just didn't feel like telling him about the pain thing thinking he'd all get that sympathy face and give me a speech about how I used to ride a bike with no hands in fifth grade, so I can get through this.

Mom came in soon enough and she mentioned I wasn't feeling well when he said how I had acted towards him. she asked if the pain was gone yet and I told her no, but it had settled down abit. dad just sat in the corner not saying anything then eventually he got up and I guess went home. I only feel slightly bad, but I gave many chances for us to sit in silence and watch the tv. honestly!


Dream sequence:
1. I was in a big ass store of some sort. there were racks and racks of clothes. apparently there was a sale or grab as much as you possibly can thing going on. most of the clothing was jcrew not surprisingly. someone was holding up plaid trousers and a shirt asking if it was "them" ..I wanted the pants, so I shook my head. there was a display with the pants I bought recently and haven't received yet up on top of one of the racks. there were cute little ankle boots next to them tied around with wires to the pants. very weird. I recall thinking the pants in person didn't look as cool (they better be cool!!). I also saw some tanks and striped button down shirts in another corner. soon enough the line was getting full up front and they were calling last calls in when I woke up wishing there was a jcrew outlet store such as that to peruse in reality. I know they have real stores somewhere. I just haven't researched that yet. just like there are Delia*s stores elsewhere, but not here.

2. Senior year all over again. I *hate* school dreams ...have I mentioned that enough? *HATE* it was anxiety ridden while I realised I didn't remember my schedule. somehow I got it in my head that I was in Opportunities class (whatever that means) and then afterwards was lunch. I wasn't sure which lunch I was to take, but eventually I guess I figured it out since I was with this group of girls next to a table. suddenly the ground began to rumble. I saw a car outside the window by the doors and was frozen. it looked like it was about to explode. suddenly underneath my feet the ground shook again and I looked off to the side where the other table last sat. there was a hole with dirt strewn about like construction was goin' on. the car was suddenly right there going at top speed into the edge of the hole when the glass shattered spraying glass all over the cafeteria. me and the other girls left and they told me we were going to take a field trip. I liked this idea (it reminded me of hanging out with the drama kids junior year - we'd or well, they'd bang on lockers and skip happily up the stairs. I'd follow. we'd go to the library and hang out. okay, so that's a field trip to me, shutup!). we ended up in the parking lot and walked over to this McD's that just happened to be right next to the school! they were still serving breakfast. I stood up at the register and looked over the menu. suddenly one of the employees walked over towards me and asked what I'd like. I stood there frozen forgetting what I'd just read and replied, "um, wow, there's so much there that sometimes I get disoriented not knowing what was there and forget" she stood there with a 'duh' expression on her face and asked again. I finally said, "pancakes ...hmm...not bacon..not bacon...hmmm...fine. with eggs." she rolled her eyes and got out the spatula putted an array of pancakes on the plate. little mini ones! aw! I watched the eggs being scrambled right in front of me in awe. um yes, I have no life in my dream. I see below in the display case are shirts to some disney film. it seemed to be an egyptian theme. I asked for a shirt after seeing one of the girls I arrived with take one. at the register again, it came out to $21 with the shirt being $20. how does that work out actually? pancakes and eggs for less than a dollar (remember, taxes!)? hmm. I didn't get the money out of my wallet till minutes later cause I kept grabbing Canadian money (don't ask) instead of American. after this, I went to find the ketchup. I don't know what I was going to use it for; maybe on the eggs. the girls took a few napkins. I looked and didn't see ketchup there, so walked across to the other side of the counter or more likely, the corner cause it curved in a weird way in the dream. this one guy was at the straw dispenser sayin' he scored some free ones (apparently you have to pay for them). the employee scowled at him with arms crossed over. I took a straw. still no ketchup. the ketchup dilemma continued till wake up time. damn how frustrating!

3. I have no idea. there certainly was one this morning. damnit! *slaps forehead* as I try thinking about it, all that comes to mind are daydreams. augh. nevermind.


I feel the need to end this with something mom wrote back to me (in email) the other night after I alerted her of Pamie's latest entry - which isn't so recent anymore, but um, this was a couple days ago -

I cannot grow old in Clearlake,
daughter I love you, but I gotta borrow some dough...
<-- HAH! yes, if only I had more than $600 to offer! wait till xmas, yo.


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