The start of the cold does both good and bad things to me. I turn into one of those manic depressive people. Holidays! Xmas! Gifts! Cold! Rejection! Depression! *slumps over*

Woke Up to the Crisp of Fall
11:30 PM CST

Today I woke up at noon wrapped up in my regular covers and the blanket thrown over top huddling like I was in a cave. it was frikkin' freezing! alot worse than when I went to bed. getting up was completely not an option, so I rolled back over and slept till 3pm. I decided maybe I'd hop out in another five or another ten, but somehow I ended up blacking out again instead.

--dream sequence--
Suddenly I'm on a freeway somewhere near the beltway (I think; whatever) on a cellphone asking where there's a more interesting mall to hit cause Baybrook has been outdone. I have no idea who was on the phone. a girl was sitting in the back of the car rolling her eyes and looked to be tied up. I appeared at some mall I've never seen before. inside, I walked into a store that looked like Woolworth's. the same fluorescent lighting and everything. I saw a few indie cds laying atop a notebook paper display.

Walking further back, there were some Oprah books and a Boyz II Men album that looked to have Bright Eyes coverart. I asked the clerk who was a cute looking guy if they sold indie albums back here cause I saw a few left at the front of the store. he scratched his head, laughed and replied, "No, but that would certainly be an improvement."

We walked over to the little café off to the side where through the window you could see shoppers straggling by, peering in occasionally. some of the other clerks he worked with were sitting there, too. I mentioned the trick I played just abit ago (I completely don't remember the trick) laughing in a socialistic way. suddenly amidst my story, I looked off towards the original clerk when he said, "I..I like you" like those guys on Dawson's Creek when they get dramatic. I sort've ignored the comment and went back to my story, but all the time thinking about it. I woke up realising no one really liked me, it was cold and I really wasn't all that fun. maybe witty, but not fun. heh!
--end dream sequence--


The time was 4:45 upon waking up. it felt like I just emerged from a weird world. I was all exhausted stumbling into walls, my head all heavy/woozy. I didn't even make my bed immediately. like on some kind of drugs, I ate three cookies while listening to a new EP that came in the mail which I don't even recall much about cause I was in some other world still then I made myself "presentable" (combed hair, splashed face, got out q-tips, made bed). I came back and played the EP again. I'm not sure it was entirely worth $10.99 for three songs, but oh well. the art is pretty.


Before mom mentioned today how we only eat cause she puts food on the credit card, did I realise how in a bind we are money-wise. I had thoughts of us moving back to the old house or finding an accomodating little spot for dad to stay in this house or moving to Ohio! eep! for one, this house is paid for and I like it though if the bills cannot be paid, well, we won't have any electricity and such. somehow this made me somewhat depressed since it's my fault (to a degree) since I cannot let a month go by that I don't buy something. especially music. I feel bad for buying eight albums (even with my own money) and then those clothes on the exchange card that I haven't gotten yet (this makes me feel pained that I cannot take back what I put on that card now that I'm not in one of those greedy time of the month moods like I was when I filled it out). it's either I return the clothes to make things easier or not buy xmas gifts for everyone or I don't know. I have no idea how to help beyond eBay.

The other day this lady who bought perfume from me on eBay called twice!! I emailed asking if there was a problem and she *almost* accused me of selling doctored perfume. that perfume smelled fine to me; not like alcohol! I have sinuses even! smells should bother me. of course, if I wore it long enough, it would probably bother me, but it smells like it always smelled. I don't understand some people. I noticed she had 0 feedback and well, I don't know. if I was her, even if to me it did smell different, I'd resell it and perhaps I'd get a higher price *plus* a non-complainer. thanks to you, too.

Anyway, I don't think I plan to do anything about that. I don't know. some eBayers can be asses if you refuse to offer a refund. if it was a higher priced item, I would, but it was only $10 fergarshsakes! not the crowned jewel or even a video game system or a computer! this isn't a reason to get all serious. the phone bills alone for the long distant calls will cost enough as is methinks.

Well, if mom makes me give a refund so she won't go ballistic on my feedback system, I'd only offer if shipping is on her cause I refuse to give that back. extra time and money is not what eBay's about damnit! I would've never sold it if I thought it smelled different. honestly, I just don't really wear perfume. nice smelling shower stuff is money better spent.


No. more. albums. till. xmas.!! this is my new mantra. no matter what insound throws at me whether it be the best album since even B.C. times will I give in to the goodness. I'm still expecting the new Sigur Ros, Saint Etienne and Ms. John Soda, so those should tide me over really. I swear.

That's the best I can do beyond actually *making* money. *saving* money. willpower. do I have the powah? do I??

Oh if only I could go back to the times when I wanted nothing. so long ago.

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