I'm still on an exhausted kick though I have been more ambitious despite it. I struggle to stay awake till I'm done looking at thousands of info to jumpstart my brain.

Could You Please Start Explaining
04:41 AM CST

My mind is mostly on money, jobs and and and shopping ...yeah. I'm not sure, but everything is related to those subjects. mom was looking through the classifieds sayin' I should call up to be santa claus. I have no idea what she was insinuating there! it better have been a halfass formed joke or else!

Mom still is complaining about how we can't spend money. I did use a credit card I found the other week. it's a weakness. $20 here, $50 there. what will it hurt? it's my money technically. it's in the account. without it there, it would be just what mom is making. I kept sayin' how I should get my own account and a debit card. $900 is mine. mom wants to keep it simple and she wants the money to stay there. I told her I'd give her some of my money if she wanted. I just want to be able to spend the money that is mine. I did make some of it on eBay and well, the checks I get from grandpa still count as my own despite if I didn't technically earn it. grandpa gives her some checks, too occasionally.

Anyway, I'm wondering how I can keep up with music, buy a new fall wardrobe and more anime in the next decade if I cannot have a debit or use the credit card. hopefully mom will calm down about everything once she starts selling more stuff on eBay. I don't know. I cannot bring up another job to her cause she'll just turn it back on me. getting a job is harder for me the more I think about it. first I'd have to figure out how to drive or work out a system that gets us both to where we're supposed to be without lag time. also, I'd still need that new wardrobe ....my clothes aren't the best for working environment in the least. I have band shirts, weird shirts and maybe four actual nice tops. seriously. the nice clothes I do have cost me enough. one outfit is like $150 when ya come right down to it.

Anyway, I don't see a job happenin' for me till one falls in my lap that I can do from home. I don't think I'm incompetant enough not to have one really. I'm not above it either.


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I finished most of lindsey's gift. all I have to do is coverart for the mix cd and make a small card to attach to it. the "comic" I am throwing in is actually an illustrated zine. I was misinformed (well, it didn't exactly say it was a comic in the description, but ya know ...I assumed), but it's still cute. I think she'll enjoy it. I already read it ...hah. I made sure not to mess any of the pages. it looks unread really.

Mom has yet to get her anything. I gave her more suggestions. it's funny I'm ahead of her considering lindsey's bday is next week. it's not like I just got way ambitious here or anything. I'm procrastinatorx4 (extra multitudes of procrastination points).


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The rain kept me from getting the mail today. I was doing well with stepping out each day up till now ...darnit!

I'm still hoping cause of the money situation with credit cards, that I can get dad to take me to the record store. I need the new Low, Ladytron and Slobberbone. it's a matter of life and death!! okay, I'm being dramatic now.

Tons of good shows coming up, too. I've marked them as possibilities or at least new ones to miss while I try to find people who may not bail out or not be around to ask (hearing about last week's Bright Eyes show from John and "Barista", I'm wondering whether it was good I didn't go cause of Conor and his drugginess or whether I should be disappointed I missed it cause it was apparently brilliant - the song selection seemed good ...I giggle at the thought of him playing the piano with one hand; slumped over).


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My nose is slightly cold, but everything else is fine (physically).

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