I fear the computer is on its way to death - I'm all shaky about doing something wrong that may cause it to freeze up. even right now it's slowing down enough for me to think it'll be about to do something bad. *puts a hex on the thing* or no, no, don't want to have it thinking I hate it...*hands it chocolate*

Technology Can Bite My Ass
11:45 PM CST

Okay, I just had to switch to Internet Explorer from AOL's browser cause I ended a task on something important. it stopped being able to type in the box. I'm such a retard.

This entry probably will suck and won't be that long considering that I have no idea when the computer will blow up. it keeps teasing me into submission or something. slooooow sloooow *cursor hops across screen* guuurgle guuuurgle *crack* *snap* ...LIGHTNING SPEED FAST!!!.... normal speed...slooow *hop* *skip* <-- I'm driving j00 nuts aren't I?? muahahahah!!

Okay, whenever it gets like this, I want to backup everything and buy a new computer no matter the cost. I only have like $900-1000 in my account right now. I don't know what sort I could buy with that considering components and all that bladdity blah. sometimes I think this computer is my reason for tenseness. I'd relax in my chair and let out a sigh of relief if I didn't have to worry about losing everything. I just cannot comprehend backing up so much, so I just sit here thinking of ways to save the computer for just *abit* longer. I'm silly. mom thinks the computer is fine. she just doesn't know. I make sure the thing is in top running order before I go to bed, so it really is abit fast at least till afternoon.


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I bought somemore albums last night. insound was having a 15% summer sale on three or more albums bought. I spent about an hour and a half contemplating which three to get. I ended up getting a fourth as well, but it was just an ep, so that makes it sooo much better. it's not a real album if it costs below $10. I hope I made the right decision cause right after I pressed checkout, I changed my mind about ten times over yet again. I'm the worst at making decisions in any shape or form. seriously. I could stand in my closet deciding what to wear for upwards of half an hour if I have that kind of time. I'll try on every combination I can for the hell of it and still not be satisfied in the end. if I have nothing important to do, it doesn't matter as much, but I still at least contemplate it and have something that matches. seriously. it must match and look nice together. weird, yo.

Okay, I went offtopic there. the point is that I spent a scary amount of time staring at a list of albums and not being able to remove one of them without hesitation. I would *readd* it, too if I decided what I was left with wasn't satisfactory. why couldn't I remove the non-satisfactory albums you ask? I don't know. I had to have one cause it was a recommendation and I go for the *surprise element* of not knowing a thing about them. I could remove it cause it might suck, but I cannot. it's a weird phenonmenon.

I still wonder why I didn't get Of Montreal or any Trembling Blue Stars. I did get Belle and Sebastian and Bright Eyes ....The Dismemberment Plan I'm sort've only semi-regretting. I should've gotten the other album by them cause I listened to clips later and it sounded better. I still could like it though cause it changes tone and beat throughout the songs I *do* have. okay enough on that. I'm sure I'll be happy with my purchases once I lay in bed with my headphones, eyes shut and listening. that's the best way to get a feel for an album in its entirety. certain sounds are lost in the air when listened to in an open area. I don't know. with headphones I hear each detail. it would be even better if I had better headphones, but whatever. the Of Montreal song A Collection of Poems About Water has bits that cannot be heard without headphones like the '1, 2, 3, go' bit at the beginning and the talking over the chorus bits. I could sort've hear it when I was on alert, but otherwise, it's tough without headphones.

Alright, anyway, I'll be getting six albums overall in the next week or two since I ordered two from amazon for no reason at all; just cause. losing audiogalaxy made me feel in withdrawal. now I got WinMX, but it doesn't seem to get alot of the groups I listen to or it takes forever waiting for even one result to come back. bleeeh. today I spent three hours waiting to get a Concrete Blonde song. I like it, but geeez, I was about to throw the computer out the window. wait, maybe that's why it hates me.


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Hm, I don't feel like discussing really personal matters right now. I have been feeling slightly depressed and eating all the chocolate and chips in the house the past three days, but it isn't worth talking about. it isn't for any particular event. I'm just tired and restless. the illness being gone has just made me extra weak and more prone to thinking more to make up for the time I didn't think - at least I didn't think about emotional things. just whether I'd get butterflies in my stomach and have to go lie down. I don't particularly want to feel like that again, so I'll take the quiet sadness.

Thankfully the computer is letting me finish. maybe it is moved by my words or plotting its next move while my back is turned.

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