03:00 AM CST
Just a couple hours ago, I was talking to some people on aim per usual and I just felt icky again (I ate too fast and too much after not eating much since Thursday), soooo I left without telling anyone where I was going except I *did* say I'd 'brb' to Will. aren't I considerate? he left anyway. gah, I do feel sort've bad for just leaving everyone else hanging; even those I wasn't talking to before since I didn't put any 'away' message up.
I ended up laying in bed with the tv on, then just passing out. yeaaah....ugh. blurry eyed - 1:25am - blech. I look at the Tv Guide channel. that frikkin' Best Sex Ever thing on cinemax was about to begin, soooo uh, I watched that, then brushed my teeth, did the usual bedtime things and crawled in here to see if anyone was still here who I left hanging. no one except Starcat spoke (sorry uh, about that) who I wasn't talking to before I left.
Lesseeee here now ....erm...Friday - I was ill, so I just went and laid down. actually I dunno if I was ill or just needed some Gas X ...seriously, I wasn't THAT nauseous; just my side hurt and it was hard to lay comfortably (oh yes, I'm TMI in the 'we don't even want to know' way now!).
The Guest arrived and they left. I debated richard visiting, but then decided to lay down instead with the notion that he wasn't. I got up when they came back and shut the door. checked mail and all ...blablabla. that was about all I did Friday. the only other thing worth mentioning was that it rained again.
Saturday was abit better. it was sunny out and the pain had left my side. they left around 5pm, soooo I sat around. I played the apple game, looked at forums then made fun of Frank on Trading Spaces at 8pm. hee! it was funny cause the one H.O. whacked him with the paint roller and he went "ooomf! you did that on purpose!" in this squeaky gay voice. that's all I have to say about that.
Anyway, soon enough me and richard debated him coming over that night. I thought perhaps they'd stay out later since mom mentioned indian food. that's like downtown or wherever...I don't know. I figured it would take them longer to get back, but then I realised they left pretty early, so it didn't matter. we debated and debated THEN they came back around 11:30pm. I was like "bah!" and debated somemore anyway. mom was laying on the bed already as soon as she walked in the door or well, not 'as soon as' but ya know, as soon as she walked upstairs and ...you get the point. I'm still not coherant enough yet. okay, so, she said it'd be okay and her and the guest would probably just watch tv in their room and then fall asleep. yeaaah. I debated somemore. he almost didn't come over for the erm, billionth time, but I guess I was convincing enough. I wasn't sure yet since there was always the possibility he'd get lost and go back home like in February. I didn't sit on the steps cause that would be bad karma.
He did take awhile to find his keys and I thought that was the end right there. the guest thought that seemed like an *excuse* and we should uh, drive there and help him find them. uhhh, I was like if we went allll the way there, we might as well either stay or bring him back with us. hee....that's funny. not a'happenin'.
Okay, so back where things are cool and he says he's leaving...uh yes. I'm dragging this story for all its worth. shutup you in the back row with the piece of candy ...yes, you...guy with the jollyrancher! don't make me break that over your head! damn you! -more filler which isn't really part of the plot-
Sooooo....I don't sit on the steps. I sit on the couch instead, then I check my hair in the bathroom, then I sit back on the couch and wait. oh yes, I'm fidgety as hell and the fidgeting didn't stop. before that, I laid down for awhile to supposedly calm down. I didn't want to talk too loudly (mom still said she heard me talking loudly and only me...why is my voice always heard? I swore I was quieter...). by the time I got up it was 1:51am and I figured he wouldn't get lost and there was no need to call since I missed the time or whatever. I was just fidgety and couldn't find the number since I turned off all the lights. it was somewhere in some folder in the computer room. go figure.
It wasn't really awkward besides the bit where I ask who's there cause who would be there at 2am. a serial killer? a ghost? uhh....I'm stupid and I *knew* even before asking, that I shouldn't, but I did anyway to delay the time between opening the door and uh, not opening the door. I'm weird. shutup. I have to create drama here after like 3yrs.
I'm not exactly sure what happened between opening the door and going upstairs. I always block out how weird I react. I think I just looked at the ground and moved over to let him in....I guess. in my little daydream, that is NOT how I react thank you. of course, in the reality daydream, I figured I'd react this dorky. ugh. he asks if he should take his shoes off. I say "whatever", he decided to keep them on, and we go upstairs.
I just sort've turn the light on in my room and start fidgeting with the dvd player. oh yeah, forgot to mention he brought a dvd. we only watched 27min. of it. I turned off the light during that time period since I usually watch movies in the dark unless it's on one of the movie channels and I caught it in the middle, but nevermind that. like three people got killed in the amount of time we watched. I wasn't really reading the subtitles, so I had no idea what was going on. I was too busy talking. will someone please shut me up? somehow whenever someone visits for the first time, it takes me awhile to have a silent moment. of course, when J visited, he said quiet moments are good. gropey hug time was no talky time. there were no gropey hugs in this visit though, so I continued to talk. someone stop this paragraph....
Soon enough, I announced I wanted to listen to music - probably so I could sing and be weird; plus I missed most of what was going on in the movie so I figured why bother continuing when we could do something else - and he said okay. I don't remember what we talked about in the order we talked it in. I just know I started reading entries from my past about the time I was at the grandparents...at one bit where I read about how I didn't want to pour grandpa some sprite, I almost wanted to cry. I don't know why that one and not the one where grandpa traumatised me. I just don't know. maybe I'm supressing the traumatising one still since that one I could read all the way through without getting *too* teary eyed. richard thought I should stop reading when I said it was making me want to cry. I don't know why I did either. I do stupid things occasionally.
Next I got out the depressing poetry, but I didn't read any outloud cause those were embarassing. I just left the book open to a few. next, I sang a few Carissa's Wierd songs or well, just sort've spoke them out. I wouldn't say I was actually singing how I usually sing. I get carried away sometimes. this time I just wanted the lyrics to come out coherant, so I spoke them...yes. Carissa's Wierd is more depressing than I originally thought. I mean, I always thought they were abit morbid, buuut, in a funny way.
The conversations that stick most in my mind are the ones where I ran out of stuff to fidget around with and the music stopped. I swear I didn't recall most of what was said before then cause I was too busy being frantic and I told myself I wouldn't. go figure. well, at the end, he asked me, out of nowhere, what I wanted out of life. I found that something that would be said in a dramatic movie. I sat there and said "well, I don't know...." and he said something about what I want to accomplish or do... and I said I always wanted to write. yes...then I went into my many plot twists. I didn't mention that most those stories I wrote in 8th grade. I still have parts of them, but I'll always miss the one I actually finished. I just don't think I'll ever get over it and it probably wasn't as good as my 9th grade self thought it was. there was an ambulance scene, a dead old guy, good guy vs. bad guy fighting and the good guy getting shot in the leg, but they end up going to Disneyworld anyway. I'm weird.
Hrm....I think around this time (I get my times mixed up), I asked him if he wanted to see the computer. I wanted to stay away from it, but I could not I guess. J was online, so richard decided to mess with him since J said long ago that he was "afraid" of richard. it was just the usual 'stabbing' 'die' thing. I talked to J later and told him it wasn't me, but that was all. he said he figured that out though. *shrugs*
Back in the other room, I don't know what happened. I do recall I put on lip gloss while in the computer room, then I brought up the gloss subject again in the other room. I think I said I put too much on and it was sticky. he then said I should take it off then. I then barely audibly said, "then there will be too little" I don't know what he said, but I then said "bah....bad cycle" and that was the end of the subject. I think I stared, smiled and turned away after like twenty seconds. hmm...now that I've played that over and over again, I have *no* idea what I was trying to get at at the time. perhaps I was flirting, but it wasn't a conscious thing...nope. those I've spoken to thought I should've been braver....bwah! how could I when I had no idea what I was going for then? I do think he said something about being shy, but I don't know if it took place during that conversation. I totally lost track of when statements I recall happened. gee. anyway, Jennifer thought I should've said "well, I'm not" and jumped him. bwah! I'm real sure. though I admit, that *is* a rather good line though I'm all not for lines or plans (not since high school) and it maybe would've worked if I wasn't shy perhaps.
Anyway, there was talk of donuts and I mentioned hating Krispy Kremes. then there was talk of the zoo and we headed towards the door. whoopee! -entry is almost complete if I stop adding side comments; I will stop now-
At the door. I absolutely cannot direct quote the hug comment. I hate misquoting; it was something like "well, ...blablabla... hug" for some reason, I all hugged weirdly. well, weird as in not bad, but as in, I felt sort've really short. it was almost as weird as that time J hugged me and I was on tiptoe cause I was half in the door and half out. no, wait, that was weirder. nevermind.
Okay, this is getting ridiculously long for nothing happening. he left his dvd over here and mumbled something about messaging or calling blahdeblah.
Anyway, the ending notes are in this conversation:
richard: you must include my homosexuality :-(
me: why? hah. I don't usually lie in the journal, yo. unless in a joking manner. I'll mention you wanted me to mention your uh homosexuality if that'll make you feel better.
me: bah! that would mean ya were having thoughts of Frank during the visit...um...no, I hope not
richard: I was
richard: frank is sexy
richard: I love him
me: hee! he's fat and he sweats alot as he paints suns with fruity faces on them in the middle of a room
richard: his sweat is manly!
me: have you *seen* him? hee! I dare ya to turn on the TLC channel at 3pm and decide for yourself :D
richard: he is the essence of being a man
richard: and I love him for that
me: hee! I'm so posting this in the entry to make it even longer!