Words aren't coming to me or well, whatever I'd like to say is blocked since I'd rather not talk about it. I'm just trying to forget it exists. that works.

Tiny Broken Fingers in the Doorway
10:28 PM CST

Hrmph, it seems whenever I try to talk about myself or my thoughts, it comes out all wrong. for example, 'icq boy' who is now on 'aim' ...he has gotten more tolerable though he still likes to say 'sexy' and be rather odd occasionally. I realised he was just trying to be snarky which I guess is okay. when I talk about my feelings on someone, I contradict myself since later on I change my mind or maybe I don't, but I still feel bad. when I talk about those I like, it comes off as absurd since I feel all these feelings that shouldn't even be true considering circumstances, so I try to downsize it all. when I talk about emotion I feel, it comes off as negative or toooo much as I've mentioned before; I was quite a drama freak.

Anyway, enough about that, it's rather fun to pretend things are okay and talk about various *real* topics that don't necessarily have to do with me, so maybe I'll try that.


A dream occurred this morning. I haven't had one since the vampire dream I don't think. this time, I was in a store trying to buy stuff, but was told someone was after me and I'd be killed before I entered the store. I watched my back the whole time, as I browsed the store. the person did appear and had a knife in their hand; a person draped in black. I kept escaping him barely. I went up to the counter to buy scissors ...the woman said it would be $5 and I handed her a crisp $5 from my wallet. she shook her head and said it was $5.05. I began to take out a pile of $1's when I said I didn't have enough. wtf? that's five cents! not only am I about to be killed, but I cannot understand something as basic as deciphering price. I think I was going on it being $10 ...not $5.05 ...I'm odd. I recall giving the lady $49 instead and telling her to give me change. she seemed more than abit snarky about this new exchange.

I went back to the hidden spot in the dept store and mentioned my quick departure from being killed. I held the scissors up and began cutting some paper into paper dolls. that is all I remember.

This can be translated to mean that I feel stupid and I'm about to be stabbed in the back, I know I am, try to escape, but it's not long before I am again. that's all I got out of it. perhaps ...perhaps perhaps perhaps.


Trading Spaces was rather freaky tonight; blood red walls and a provocative picture of the HO (homeowner or well, ho in this case :P) wearing a bra up on the wall. when she saw it, she said "Oh no! my shirt says 'Hi Mom!' and she's just looking at me in my bra!!!" Paige then said, "Doug was looking, too.." ewwww gross!!! Doug is rather odd ...he stole from children at the pool cause he was over budget and did something in a basketball court...what? I don't know. mom guessed that he was going to steal the hoops and use it for decoration in the room ..."see, this is what we're going to do..." *evil grin* Doug spooks me out.

The other room was okay, but nothing over the top. just the HO's saying they should steal the pillows caught my interest.


I read about these shirts that A&F made at the MATH+1 forum and thought I'd quickly write my thoughts on it.

I think the Wong Brothers Laundry Shirt is sort've cute, but when I thought about how ALOT of asians were offended by these shirts, that stopped me in my tracks and made me feel uncomfortable for even thinking they were cute. I figure if, perhaps, the little men weren't stereotypically asian from the old times and there were other nationalities of people within the shirt, it would've been more acceptable for all. I know for a fact that I don't care if people portray caucasians on a shirt - like say in a redneck way - "Y'all I need another beer then I'm going to get high and watch NASCAR racing" *picture of guy with moustache, mullet, hat (preferable)* - in fact, that's not going to offend everyone at all. as I read the current thread about the topic, I realise that it depends on how descriminated upon the particular group of people are and well, asians have been descriminated upon in some ways ...not as talked about as blacks, but they have and we read about it in school actually. about the concentration camps in CA for the Japanese. anyway, I found that horrible. I also find it horrible that I kept the joke up that I'd adopt a chinese boy to do my taxes cause they're all smart, of course. geeez. I never said that was a PC joke though.

Actually, yes, I'm glad they pulled them, but the design was cute and perhaps they could've done it in a more PC way or at least less offensive by using their own targeted group as the group to use in the design.


Sidenote to Richard: I miss you. check your mail if you haven't - hope you had a Happy Birthday!

I think it's time for another Trading Spaces now....

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