This weekend there wasn't any anime though there was abit of productivity if you can believe it. not that it was much to write home about. sometimes I wish I lived this alternate life where fun things happened all the time and I wasn't me, but I got to feel it through someone else if that is believable.

My Heart is Grey
10:59 PM CST

Anyway, laundry. I did laundry on Saturday. two loads of laundry. it worked out pretty well too since nothing got ruined and nothing shrunk. I was never really told what to do, but I figure everything out when I'm left to my own devices, I s'pose. everything except driving. I still couldn't drive if someone put a gun to my head. perhaps in a parking lot, but not on the road.

So, yes, laundry. the activity that gives everyone such pleasure, eh? mom went to that social thing with those people and I realised I was running low on pjs and I looked at the hamper then at the washroom then back at the hamper. after a few twists and turns of the knob and some colour detergent tossed in, I was well on my way. it was that simple. who knew?

Now, I guess I should mention the bits inbetween it being simple and me not knowing how to get the water to appear. I was a big retard for like five minutes. I guess I didn't press hard enough on the knob. I was just like 'uhhh' cause it said to turn it counterclockwise and to pull, so I did. I didn't realise I had to push it in and turn at the same time and then pull. damn I'm smooth. bwah!

The big test where people usually mess up when doing this for the first time is not separating. I was told this before I even thought of doing laundry myself. I've thought about doing it before, but mom would take care of it before the guest would arrive for the most part, so I'd stick my hamper out there and she'd just do mine, too. it was that easy. I was lazy, sue me! anyway, so yeah, I knew to separate the clothing into two piles. dark and white. this worked out pretty well. I did that in like three minutes.

I realised that this, such a mediocre task, could be so rewarding. I don't know. maybe it's like cooking. maybe it's like driving. it's like if you were tossed out upon your ass, you could do this stuff without being helpless. not that I'd know what to do if I was tossed on my ass, since non-surprisingly, I don't have the money to own my own place and I caiiin't drive as previously stated, plus I don't have any identification. well, at least I can do laundry, so SHUTUP! I'm not incompetant! I guess I could learn the latter stuff if I tried harder. it always starts with the small things...always starts there.


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Besides laundry, I spoke to the guest on the phone and listed a few thing on eBay.

The Guest - he called for mom, but since she obviously wasn't here I spoke to him abit. it got onto the subject of depression/ex best friends. what lovely discussion. I sort've discussed boys for a moment though since he's always so curious and likes to tease me as such. I had to be honest that not much had been going on; at least not since the almost richard meeting which he didn't even *know* about. I guess mom didn't tell him I tried to invite him over that last night he was here back last week.

As for eBay - just some clothing which haven't gotten bids yet. I'm wondering if it has to do with the small sizes. maybe only fat asses shop on eBay ...hee! I'm hoping they at least get the minimum, since it pisses me off if I have to relist.

Also, I baked the cookies I said I wouldn't bake. now the blemishes are sort've returning. I'm starting to believe that this chocolate allergy mom concocted that I could have might be true. I'd hate it if it were true. it could just be a psychological thing or the way I sleep or the weather. I've been trying sooo hard not to touch my face and I've been using my products.

It just sucks that it keeps disappearing, giving me hope and then reappearing just like that. bah!! even better, bizzzzaaaah!!!!

This has been on my mind since January. I hate my face. or at least the red smudges on my face. at least they aren't looking like they're going to burst anymore. there were a few of the protruding ones which made me look oh so lovely; I thank the editing - brightness/contrast - b/w function when taking pictures. now it's just surface ones. I'm going to go crazy with the product tonight. I need to get serious to get rid of these pesky things.


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One thing that is a downfall of this prolonged non-falling off the roof thing is that I have too many hormonal bouts ...I was rather depressed last night for no apparent reason. I was just reading journals/diaries and it hit me. I was lonely. I wished I had someone to lay down next to me till I fell asleep. when I was sprawled out on my bed last night after I put my book down and turned off my light, I put my hand on the empty spot like a lost blinded fool and when I knew no one was there, I rolled over to my usual left side, right at the very edge and curled up in a ball and cried abit. then my ears were ringing and making shifting/shuffling noises which I couldn't shake. it was odd. I thought it came from outside, but when I blocked off the offending ear to see if I could still hear it, I did not. it was an odd sensation. I could hear the thumping in my chest, too so I figure I was just abit worn out; sick-like feeling. sometimes it sucks being me.

Otherwise, it's quite a joy to be me! I mean, living here, no responsibilities, getting to order expensive things at the drop of a dime, getting to have control over what happens. not that that always brings me joy. sometimes it just makes me feel selfish and stupid. hah.

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