Where has my writing ability gone off to these days? February was supposed to be my write everyday month and I've slacked so horribly. I'm not even talking about this cause this isn't exactly serious writing though I s'pose it could be considered an exercise. I just wonder how I can keep playing catch up each week. I'm more than a week behind anyway.

How the Music Stopped
05:40 PM CST

My eyes burn, I'm abit shivery, my tongue still feels burn-y from last night and I feel like I've been hit in the head. surprisingly I still feel better than I normally do mentally considering I got up at 9am in time for the important cartoons. I guess I missed two of them, but who cares?? I like italisising important words today it seems. HAAAH!!

My brain told me last night after putting my book down and turning my light off and I still wasn't sleepy enough by 5:30am, that I wouldn't get up in time and would sleep in till 4pm. it's funny how the brain works. all I have to do is use reverse psychology on it! oookaay, but if I'm aware I'm using it, it doesn't work, so there goes my brilliant plan.

Despite my serious lack of so much as a nap, I feel more refreshed than if it was 4pm and I got hours of sleep. I just feel like a deadweight and spinning in my own dysphoria of having slept a whole day away. today I got to see the sun and that always makes me feel somewhat better about everything even if I feel like I've been kicked in the head.


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The weather has been rather weird lately. I don't know what to say about that. scary storm clouds on Thursday - I think - (cause of the Olympics, hell if I know what day it is anymore though I know today is Saturday) and wind ...the wind blew the tree branches against the window in mom's room. she kept getting scared and telling me to get away from the window when I decided to look out. somehow, I feel nothing horrible will reallly happen. I get brave at times when I feel no sense of danger. I reallly didn't. it wasn't blowing so severely that a tree branch could break the window or the wind itself. it was sunny the next morning anyway. I told her it was just a thunderstorm and to try to block it out. I was going back to enjoy my music in the solitude of the other room. all I do is sit and listen to my playlist till I grow tired and have to download something else to add to the mix and replay it.


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No chocolate except Hershey Kisses in almost a week. I've been eating cinnamon rolls and potato chips for afternoon/late night snacks instead. there's no chocolate anyway unless I bake those cookies mom bought last week. I'm tempted, but the blemishes are finally starting to die down (I think at least) that I'm determined to wait it out abit longer. I got some products to help, too. the clean&clear stick works. I put it on last night and when I looked in the mirror, the one on my nose was minimised and my cheek didn't look so red and irritated as it usually had. I was starting to think it was irritated mostly cause I lay my head on my pillow for weeks without washing it, I just flip the pillow over cause I'm lazy. sleeping on my left side smooshed against the pillow like that, I guess, could cause strange reactions. I've been trying to sleep straight on my back and be okay with it. not sure if it's working out since I still end up turned on my left side when I wake up. ah well. at least it's improving.


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Mom's being social today. she'll be out all night with a friend of hers from yoga I think. a play and dinner. she was invited back to their place to go in the hot tub and spend the night, but she declined. that sounds sort've humourous to me. I picture these people being the party people type and all in their bikinis with diamond jewelry all around their neck, hands, fingers till they shiiiine and drinking their champagne till all hours of the night. that sounds umm entertaining to say the least.

Mom kept looking out the window earlier in her dressed up clothes (she only wears those, for the most part, when the guest comes to visit) sayin' how she's not the social type. she'd rather sit here and be a hermit. I could tell she was abit nervous; hands shaking, frazzled. she kept asking me how her hair looked. it looks better than mine. I can say that much. though mine looks better than it normally does when I don't shower for one night. ah welll. I was sort've ready to just go to bed last night. and I washed my face. that counts.


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There's nothing more to really say except that I caved in to jcrew and spent $225 the other night - as I'm sure *someone* will point out that I said for the fourth time now - actually, I looked at the receipt and that was just the subtotal, sooo shipping cost $14 or some ridiculous price such as that. eh. I don't seem to care about money lately. I have enough and I get a new check next month. I'm going to sell some things maybe later tonight, too, so I'm not worried. maybe mom will be cause she goes on the principle of things annnd she wants as much money as she can keep in the bank account, so she can pay the bills. if it's not hers, she has to use mine for the time being. bleh. I get the concept and don't want to be out on the street with my new expensive clothes in a box with not even a laptop since I don't own one, but erm, I just doubt this amount will be missed so much. if I spent my whole balance that would be another story.

May I add, that I *heart* Carissa's Wierd ...oh yeah and richard lest I forget ;)

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