Hey? Hi? ya know, I wasn't going to come back and edit this seeing as it's 4:40am and I'm feeling ill again, but I thought to mahself, "maybe people will start complainin'.." I doubt it though. where's the love anyhow? I need motivation people!!

Questions Never Asked
11:47 PM CST

Since Tuesday, I didn't really want to do much of anything. I don't know what it is, but my stomach is seriously pissing me off. actually, on Monday, I was atad nauseous too but it only lasted between 8pm and 8:40pm cause that little girl that's now on Ally threw up and I just caiiin't stand it when that sound effect is made!!! I do NOT care if it's fake! you can show blood, you can kill people, you can have ghosts all up in a dark scary house on a hill! buuut ick....that noise? it makes me nauseous. just like scraping nails on a chalkboard, sliding shoes across a cold concrete floor; it just ain't riiight-ly.

Anyway, I just wasn't feeling well. all I wanted to do was die or go pretend I don't exist in some corner of the universe. I didn't even care about the lonliness and I couldn't even cry. all I felt was bad. I still feel abit bad, but at least I'm clean. I've been taking an obsessive amount of showers lately - at least for me - I was going every couple days for awhile since shaving one day after the next causes a rash on my leg and I have this OCD compulsion to shave each time I shower (don't ask), sooo every couple days. now, I've done twice in a row and skipped one day before that. I think it's cause showertime is the only time I don't feel nauseous or want to die. hot water and removable showerhead. that's. all. I. have. to. say.

It's about due time to fall off the roof, but it just ain't happenin' ...I'd like to grab it by the neck and just say just get yo'self over with!!! I'm sick of being grouchy and contradicting mahself every second! grrraaaah!.


Tomorrow (or technically today) is Valentine's Day. I don't really want to acknowledge it in the traditional sense. I don't have any chocolates after all and I'm going on a chocolate strike to rid my blemishes, sooo damn the man. I mean, I could "splurge" but I splurged last weekend with the cake I mentioned that was brought in for mom's birthday. yet another cake is being brought in on friday I think; a dutch chocolate one...wtf?? are they tryin' to kill me here? I refuse to eat that one. I just refuse!!

Oh yeah, the guest is coming in again on friday; it's like he's always here. at least lately it seems that way. they're going to see Rent ...I would've went, but I guess it's okay they didn't get me tickets seeing as I can hardly budge. I didn't even want to write this entry for garsh sakes!!


Anyway, I feel I'm going nowhere nowhere nowhere ....come have tea with me in the treehouse. there are belgium waffles, too. I'm insane.


Edited to add: in my sleepiness - y'all I slept till 3pm (well, off and on) - I forgot to say it was the 100th entry wednesday....w00t! *throws confetti* ...I really do wonder how many entries I have written in my life. I have seven paper journals full of the old entries I used to write (I no longer write in a paper journal first and type up - it's all improv now which I guess suits me best though it hurts me to think I'll have to print out all 100 entries cause I want concrete proof I wrote them; I could print them all out, but my hand winces in pain at the thought; silly OCD-like me. I should just save a backup copy disk of 'em and that's enough evidence...feh). anyway, 100th entry! I'm too cool, yo.

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