It was a very straaange morning. I set my alarm for 8:05am at around 4am cause I wanted to wake up in time for cartoons and thought, Why didn't I think of this before? I'd surely hear the beeping noise or someone would and turn it off! Anyhow, I put the clock on the side table next to my vitamin c drops on top of the box next to my stack of books. when I woke up, it was 10:30am and the alarm was off.

Split Personality
08:24 PM CST

What the hell? I sort've shrugged it off at that point and rolled back over only to hear a violent knocking at the door and whistling. I "pretended" to sleep so whoever it was would go away. then I thought, what if it's the UPS man or some delivery person with my amazon order!, but shrugged and continued to "pretend" to sleep since it was only 11am. what delivery person in their right mind came at that time??

Some strange dreams occurred in the meantime. one was of me and some family I was with; we were told to all stand on the balcony at once. I stepped on it and bounced a few times cause the floor didn't seem stable. I was abit intimidated by these people. the night sky was filled with a billion stars. we all stared up ...I stood in the center, afraid to gather at the sides since I thought enough weight and the thing would collapse. I was the constant paperweight. standing in the center like that.

Soon enough we were on some roller coaster; I was in one of the carts with some of the family members. I yelled out, "This is like Space Mountain!!" I threw my hands in the air and squealed like I was five. the family shrugged and joined in as we went up and around and about at top speeds; I thought we were going to crash, but we kept going offcourse and onto another track over and over again like that. I kept yelling out bits about "Yes, just like Space Mountain; it's just like that night...Space Mountain..." who knows what was up with that; what was the meaning? I don't know if I'd ever been on Space Mountain in reality.

Then I was back at my old house sort've. it was abit different; more modernised. that same family was there - they were in the room that used to be the old computer room just laying about eating spaghetti the mom had made. they seemed very strict and told their kids to stay away from evil and lust or some such crap. I don't know. I went off to my room suddenly after there was too much silence and they were getting on my last nerve with all their rules. I had a weird circular closet and grey walls. one of the boys followed into the room with me. he told me to kiss him. I shook my head. then after much begging, I sort've gave a dry peck and turned away. he said it wasn't good enough and he wanted proof I had done it to brag to his friends (wtf?), so I got out the reddest lipstick I could find. I put it on messily and gave a sloppy moisturised kiss on his cheek; it was quite visible. then I looked in the mirror (I had a whole wall that was a mirror in this place!) and noticed I had smeared it all around the outside. I frowned and turned away.

His mom looked in my direction when the boy came out beaming and showed his brothers and sisters. she stated, "you whore" and took her children and left. what in the hell?


When I woke up after this, I was feeling oh so good lemme tell ya. now the clock read 4:21pm and I just decided to get up. my head felt cloudy and I could barely stand. go figure cause of all the sleep I inevitably got today.


Since the guest is here, I'm always alone when I end up getting up; plus since he came a day earlier than usual - maybe two days if you notice that he came on Saturdays for awhile. a Johnny Mathis concert was Thursday night, so the reason for all that. it was sort've funny how he made his entrance. 'Happy Valentine's Day!' balloon bopping in the window of the back doorway. I grinned. right now the balloon is tied to the small door on the computer desk and wound up abit so as not to hit the spotlights. one burnt out last night; scared the hell out of me. I also got girl scout cookies; not my fav kind, but I had never had these before. they were pretty good. each one had a different animal on it; they were shortbread with chocolate/fudge on the back. I was saddened to eat the koala cause it was smiling. things that smile shouldn't be eaten. it makes me cry. those who cry over that shouldn't be called whores in their dreams.

Yesterday was spent being bored and watching the rest of Utena. it was okay though I blanked out during some of the dialogue and didn't feel like rewinding back, so I missed some lines. I'm not sure if that's the end or not. I don't think it is though I thought it was before I bought it if that makes sense. I think it's not since it said 'to be continued' at the last episode for that volume. eh. I should've known since nothing really bigtime happened between Utena and Touga and I swear there's supposed to be. feeeeh. there were small bouts of something about to happen, but nothing ever did. the slapping was great. I wonder if people really slap people till they get whiplash in real life over a raising of their voice. I know I raise my voice and all I get is yelling back or a "screw you" ...not a slap.


Tomorrow's mom's birthday. I thought what I ordered her would arrive in time since it was bought more than a week ago, but nope. of course not!! all my stuff is known, but not her gift. I hope it comes next week or I'll be very upset and have to tell her about it. the guest got her a tv it looks like. there is one in her room now. as she said on the phone (she called me to ask what I wanted for dinner tonight; oh yes, I get phonecalls), now she can watch Oprah. there's also a chocolate cake in the fridge. I left it alone. I'm trying not to eat alot of chocolate lately. my blemishes are going down. that myth maybe wasn't as much a myth as I recently thought.


Trembling Blue Stars as the sky descends into darkness and eyes closing reminds me of being on a boat. don't ask, but it does. a boat without the seasickness that is. I need more of their stuff that's for sure. mom hates Dirty Three. she calls it my gypsy folk music and she hates it. I recently downloaded Some Summers They Drop Like Flies and she woke up testily and said "screeeech screeeech 'grumble grumble'" she just cannot appreciate instrumental rock for what it is. violins and drums = greatness damnit!

Currently, I'm wondering if I should go to a show on March 03. I just told lindsey about it and she says I should definitely go, but maybe cause she was the one who recommended Dashboard Confessional to me. she said her and her roommate may go to the Pittsburgh show. plus, on a past show, she apparently got the singer Chris' autograph and got to have her picture taken with him. wow! I doubt that would happen if I went to a show, but lucky her. on that same night, The Anniversary is going to play here, too. I love 'em! damn discoteque-ish emo! my fav song to play over and over by them is The D in Detroit - for some reason I could yell out D in Detroit and feel overpowered. I don't know why either.


Oh yeah, the only mail I got today besides another Victoria's Secret (are they trying to entice me to buy more?? not that I've bought much from them, but anyway...they send one every couple days...) catalog, was a card from Dan (sidenote: ya weren't kidding about your handwriting....hee! I was guessing on what it said; and the guest was standing behind me sayin' "what does this Dan guy have to say? is this in cryptic writing?") - very clever-esque and all that. my card was small and childish, but eh. I had to send out 30 ^^

I wish I was making out right now. this may seem random, but it has to do with what's playing on my winamp playlist. kill me.

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