Somehow I should've seen it coming when it refused to reboot correctly; evil black boxes would appear at times and disappear, sometimes it would freeze, sometimes a new program would be eaten. first word! paaad, then Microsoft Works annnnd theeeen IE (the backup). I was told to install windows XP or anything else, but nothing was done cause I'm a procrastinator and mom refused to pay for it. then it refused to reboot after fifty tries on Thursday. this seemed disconcerting.

Say Goodbye to the Computer..or not?
08:40 PM CST

I laid about in my dark, dark room thinking the world was a cold, cruel and uninviting place ...I cried in early mourning for what I assumed had happened. how it would never come around again. I thought about all those files, everything I had collected and pictured them as dust in the wind. yes, we've had the computer crash before; yes, we've had to get new HD's, new this and that. we've lost files. lost preferences. lost programs. somehow it was worse this time; I felt I was losing more - last time all I had was one magnificent piece of artwork which I still mourn at times. this time I had 200+ mp3's, tons of cam shots unsaved on the domain, conversations from AIM, blahdeblah. I felt like I'd be losing half my liiife, yo. of course, mom said she didn't feel one ounce of remorse for whatever I was losing. she said who cares; her templates were what must be saved or we'd be out on the streets. uh yes. okay, I agreed that those were important, but so was my stuff on another level.

Anyhow, she kept telling me to get out so she could think. I did nothing in my room for what seemed like decades. what did people do before the internet? well, for one thing, I had friends. they'd stop by unannounced when I was sleeping. I swear. well, now, no one comes unannounced and I'm sort've glad they don't since I care more about how I look nowadays. I know I'd look like hell if I just woke up. back to what I was sayin' ...I sat about with tears streaming down my face thinking I'd lose lots of people since my contact lists would be gone, I'd forget passwords. it was all quite silly considering I use the same password for most things and my domain info wasn't on the HD to lose.

I tiptoe back in the room to check up on progress, but mom has went to get the mail. the monitor is a black blank dead screen - not full of life. the room looks alot emptier that way. I had never noticed how a dead screen could make surroundings look different when it's not just the end of a day and it's been turned off for other reasons. I flipped the switch back on and heard it struggle to start up. same over and over and over. mom came in and asked if there was progress. I shook my head with a frown. she said "gimme it...let me see" and flipped that switch like fifty frikkin times in a row - I thought she had gone mad and would break it!

It was all "urk...bllooop...uggghhh" when it finally started. somemore programs did appear on the taskbar not freezing the bottom per usual. we listened to her favourite song on my playlist as the evil black boxes took over the screen (about five of them) was like the Titanic (I haaaate comparing to this gawwwdawful movie, but humour me for once) when the orchestra played as the ship sank. yes, music within chaos....always makes things tons better. no other songs would play either. the screen froze on the last notes. we thought we had lost it for good. caput. gone. deaaad.

There was a saviour though - the restoration disk that came with the HP! it appears that we could restore the right components and not erase the files that we had added on! this was like a dream come truuue. as the disks were stuck in, I took the mouse to press buttons when she didn't know what was goin' on. she knew she'd press 'OK' before taking the disk out and sticking the other in if I wasn't there. anyhoo, it was funnny when she grabbed the mouse back and slapped my hand away sayin' "there cannot be two...there can only be one..ONE HAND on the mouse..not two...uhuh" I rolled on the floor in agony laughs - I swear, I almost diiiied I was laughing so hard. maybe you had to be there...

don't ya just hate when people tell jokes or don't remember the whole thing cause it was improv and then once they're done sayin' "and then..then there were the boxes...and HOOO HAAAA ...then, then there was that pretending the drink is a puppet thing....*wheeeezzze* then, oooh maaan, this is the kicker! then there was the drop of water on the nose trick...that was hillaaaariouuuus" they tack on, "well, I guess ya had to be there. it was the best night evaaah." makes me all "damn...after all that I'm befuddled"


The computer seems to be better than ever now that we restored it. the programs it ate are back too. I was thrilled! the only thing I had to redownload was icq, but I got a newer version which is cooler plus it kept my contact list, so I didn't have to reask for authorisation and furthermore, really couldn't since I don't have anyone's contact info memorised! that would've been icky - besides if they speak first.

Last night I went in a big downloading frenzy - I think I got like nine mp3's; I usually don't get so many at once if it's not from the same artist. it was a mixture of different schtuff. since NBC completely went dead at around midnight, I took a shower earlier and let it finish downloading em all. the only regret about that is the water stuck in my ear. I have been having that happen the past two times; I think it's my sinuses. they're sabotaging my comfortablility factor...damn 'em all to heck!

At the moment, when I speak sometimes I hear an echo and some noise like the water is semi-still there. I cannot describe the noise, but it's a struggling noise. it sucks. I hope it just dissipates into nothingness soon since I've tried all the tricks. whacking my head, tilting sideways, q-tipping to death. nada. it's not even all the way there; just partially. gave me quite the headache. besides that I should be okay and shutup.


More dreams.... I guess the drought is over for good - at least for now. they have been rather crazy lately. like the Insane Clown Posse one the other night. yesss someone who painted their face like a clown, but otherwise was dressed normally was walking down the street and paused by my house. I kneeled down next to the window, so he wouldn't see me. somehow, while I was situating myself, he saw the top of my head and I peered over the windowsill to see the most awful face I done ever laid eyes upon! he had this look like "I'm going to kiiilll you" and picked up his pace and rounded the bend towards the front door. I panicked not knowing what to do. when I came to, I was sitting at a piano; on a black bench. I pressed the keys like I knew what I was doing. I was teaching someone what to do. there were desks behind me - a classroom type setting. I sat down at one of them while the girl attempted to play. I muttered, "just like Tori Amos.." and someone gave me a sheet of paper. the girl next to me in the desk over was Gia (hah!) and she was eating her glitter paint. that was disturbing.

The dream I had this morning was more nostalgic than anything else. Jorge was there (I cannot escape; he was in a dream last week too that I didn't mention. we were laying beneath a fountain that sprayed water on us and we were silent; okay it was odd....and not very long). he said he wanted to give it another try and we were in my room. I laid there while he bit or nibbled at my neck. I didn't say or do anything - probably just what would happen in real life, but whatever. soon enough, it was dinnertime and we were eating at a long dining room table (which we don't own) and there were old people sitting there who I supposedly knew; it was a dinner party of sorts. I held Jorge's hand and he said, "isn't that a bit forward? what? ..with all these people around?" I looked at him with this forlorn look, dropped his hand and made my way back around the table. then we were outside on the street. it was sunny. we played frisbee or some such. I jumped about. we went to the theatre to see a movie, but it looked like a theatre in which you'd see a play. it wasn't entirely dark yet and we weren't sitting next to one another. I have no idea what it means, but I was happiest in the sun.


I need chocolate. damn it all to hell, I haven't had any yet today.

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