My face is unacceptable is blemished beyond belief (might as well say I have a rash!) and has been for at least a week. I thought it would go away, but just when I think it's getting better, it gets irritated again!! just a bloody mess! I bioré-ed it like a mad woman - at least it's not as oily when I do that. this is seeming icky. I think I'll just hide under a rock (not that I'm not already).

Too Much Chocolate
11:12 PM CST

Dad stopped over tonight to tell me I'm still on his insurance plan and handed me the card. apparently mom's been paying for this new plan I've been on for two years for nothing; it was unneccesary since I was never taken off the old one! dad has been paying without realising it - they changed the rules that once you turn 19, you dont have to be in college - in fact you can stay on the plan till at least 23 and it might be risen to 25 soon, so I'm safe for awhile! not that I have any emergencies or go to doctors, but I like being covered; knowing if something does happen, I'm not helpless. I talked about that before. it's just good we'll be saving a nice amount of money every month.

Me and him actually had a nice chat in the kitchen - we hardly ever chat where I smile at the end if no one is there to mediate; that's just not done. we did yell at one point when he asked me if I've been going out and that maybe a job would help and I'd enjoy does he not even know me?? he also thinks I like to roller skate and would liiike to learn how to ski up north - he's thinking of taking a trip or was thinking till they said they could only get weekends off to do anything cause of work. insaaane, yo. I have no idea who he thinks he's talkin' to. yes, I could ride my bike with no hands in like fifth grade, but kids learn early - kids are smaht - kids are coordinated better ...well, some are. I'm just sayin' that I can't even stay on a fitness ball without rolling off now and I bang into walls. how can I roller skate? ice skate? ski? I will say it again, insaaaane.

Dad then brought up people he knows who have piercings and tattoos and told me if I wanted to do that and it was part of my lifestyle, he'd be okay with it. erm, well, he doesn't have to worry since I don't even have my ears pierced and pain of any sort ails me. the only extreme thing (well, in a way) that intrigues me is hair dying; that's one thing I must do before I die - not that it's a big accomplishment, but alot of people urge against it sayin' I'll regret. what is there to regret? I think I'd regret more if I didn't do it, just like I regret most things I don't do. indeed. only thing that I have to say that goes against that point is: PERM ...I sooo wish I never got a perm - my hair had an entirely different texture before I got it done and my hair smelled like chemicals for months afterwards and frizzed for years - now it just poofs and is stringy and flat...I'm not sure if it's the perm that did it, but it certainly changed. gaaah. one reason I'm afraid to dye it, since those chemicals did such damage and maybe more chemicals is baaad though it has been years inbetween, so who knows what could happen. if my hair fell out, well, that's the only time I'd be turning back to those people who said "hell no" and hearin' "I told you so" ....otherwise, I'm all for it at some point. maybe after I get it cut, it'll bounce back into shape and take being dyed easier. we'll see.... *went off on a major tangent*

Anyhow, the chat was okay compared to other ones where I yell and leave the room in tears or yell and pass the phone off to mom. he said I looked to have a pudgy stomach - erm, thaaaanks dad, no, really. besides that and the whole "things he thinks I'd like to do but don't" conversation, I'd say it went fairly well. he mentioned the girl at the insurance counter who was around my age who married an attorney ....he said he mentioned to her that I don't get out much (um...) and she said she knew friends like that - and this makes no sense really - they would go out and had jobs, but would stay online from 5pm till the early morning hours. this isn't entirely the same situation, but indeed, alot of people I know do that; stay online that long - including me. this girl escaped this routine cause she has a day job, goes to bed at 9-10pm and married an attorney which she met from going out to clubs and chattering; meeting real people ....greaaaat. really, the same people who go online could go out to the same places too so I don't get it. really, I don't. good for her though; she got what she wanted and escaped the wrath of the 'up late online' routine; niiiice.


I've been eating too much chocolate lately - the urban myth about chocolate and blemishes is beginning to have a fuzzy line ...I'm not entirely sure, but this did appear soon after the binge and yet I continue to eat it!! reason it might be staying; this is just an observation of course. it could be the weather, it could be that mom bought me the wrong facial soap (the one without the acne fighting ingredients), it could be my pillows and sheets need to be cleaned, or some unexplainable phenomenon. I'm just sayin' 34g of fat worth of chocolate in one day is quite severe.

I told mom today that I should stay away from chocolate for awhile to see what happens (this is after I had four mini reeses cookie cups) and guess what? that promise was kept for exactly three hours - I baked some Otis Spunkmeyer Chocolate Chip cookies and ate two of them. there goes that. I didn't even like chocolate much before and now I can't get enough. year 2002 - the year of chocolate. hey, I did start with the Godiva right as the ball dropped; go figure.


Last night I stayed up abit later than usual (quarter to 6am), but it was well worth it since I got to talk to H.G. who gave me some advice and we chatted about schtuff. it has definitely been awhile, yo! he missed ALOT by not being online. he told me he might move back to Texas (that would certainly be interesting) and that we can hang out and be frieeends in real life if so! wheeee!!! he's not sure if it'll be Houston, but hell he can be H.G.Guest Numbaaah Two if he moves to Dallas.

I was happy to know he missed our chats and hearing about my little "boy problems" ...before it was all about the shaun/Will debacle of sorts. now, there's Jorge. I don't try to cause drama (okay, that's a lie; sometimes I *create* it; well, abit different - I don't like real drama), but it just happens with my overreactive mind. anyhow, my new 'game' though I hate games is to not speak to him first; to wait for him to speak to me to see if he cares to talk. this is working remarkably!!! *sarcasm* now, today I saw him there for like 36min (I'm obsessive and he'll read this and then know what I'm up to and that I do care and I suck and if I talk then I lose out anyhow cause I'm double obsessive...oh lord...) and sign off. gaaah. I should just point blank ask if I'm just not wanted anymore; if I should just move on (to my corner and dream about my pseudo cats and house on the hill where I will die old and aloooone) or what?

Last night, during the points where I didn't want to go to bed and before H.G. signed on, I started reading some of the history folder on icq and wondered what ever happened to that...then I realised how blaaah I was to him when he gave hints to wanting to hang out with me in the beginning; when I was upset over the Will thing, when I was sad. I just kept saying I'd be right back or I needed to make a phonecall or I plain forgot his window was blinking at the bottom!! I was so inconsiderate and now, I have no reason to complain; I caiiin't. it is unfair that I get such a nice feeling from reading what he said back then and realise too late since I was preoccupied then ....sometimes I realise everything too late - all that was niiice is missed once it's gone.

I just hope he's just busy though. I really, really do.


Ooooh and richard - *hugs* on the jobfront *flips off exxon* (though dad works there still - erases bad karma-san) - good luck on your dream to be a male stripper ;)
you're still cute ....j00 kn0w it! :P


Jeez, I'm long winded today and to think, I thought I had nothing to say. my brain is always full.

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