This'll be short* since I wrote this in an icq message to someone earlier and I never make such horribly written sentence structure (at least I don't think so - then again that was pretty badly worded itself - I'm just confusing mahself): "sorry I didn't see you come online? I was reading something online" okay, the thing that bothers me is that I put a question mark where there shouldn't be one and I repeated a word twice. I must be brain dead.

11:55 PM CST

I got such a screwed up sleep schedule. now I've made a vow that once I'm done reading what I'm reading and have finished my vitamin c drops, I must go to bed and not a second later. this is my new "rule" to be strict to mahself seeing as I can't go on in a daze forever. last night was the start; bed at 4:30am. I was so proud that I read another short story in my book, had my ice water and turned my light off by 5am. this is when the nightmare began.

There was a somewhat uncomfortable atmosphere going on - like I couldn't breathe right, the bed wasn't shifted right, the sheets were too heavy, I felt all tooo weird. certainly not the least bit sleepy. what had happened? I wasn't sure, but this feeling like I'm going to die urge lasted about two hours ...I didn't see sleep till 7am and the sun was peeking through the shade slightly. probably only then since I had tired myself out with all the tossing and turning I had done. it was so awful. I hadn't had a night like that in forever. I hated it immensely.


There were also weird dreams, but I've been having lots of weird dreams this past week. I complained about not having dreams before - I even giggled when Jorge would say he should sleep next to me and maybe it would help me to dream again. good idea! umm....well, really all I need to dream is to wake up at least once in the morning hours and go back to sleep - it seems that if I have a dead sleep and just get up, dreams are lost. I do that mostly when alot is on my mind or I'm giddy or I can't sleep. all of those were evident before. ah well.

Here's a synopsis of my dreams since the new year - laser pointer pointed at bed at grandma's house from the vent - follow the red dot through a tunnel which looks like a sewer to the basement, Jennifer Aniston and David Schwimmer (did I spell their names right?) are there making a new racy sitcom (it is sooo NOT Friends since I would've seen their character names in my head and not their real names - plus it was tooo racy and dramatic for that) where her hair was messed up and blouse undone and he stood there like he was thinking "uh duuuh?" there was a camera man too who told me to get out of the shot - he looked sleazy and had a white paper rolled up in his hat goin' "come on, that's right! that's riiiight!" --- that girl with the curly hair was there (the reason I got a perm in seventh grade) and she was wearing a blue sweatshirt and she was bouncy. she was supposed to take me to the "secret room" but wouldn't budge from the picnic table - it was somewhat outside, but there was an overhang covering it. there was a slight breeze and I wanted a jacket. I walked off and let her stuff herself with that stupid grin on her face. I went inside the building (what building I don't know but it was where the room was) and there was a metal detector station with a guard next to it. I got abit scared, but then Jorge appeared and gave me a hug. the guard looked suspiciously, but he (Jorge not the guard) picked me up and carried me across the detector line anyway - never getting to see the secret room. ah well. --- I walk around an airport lost with tons of people on either side of me; then I'm in some square room with colours and other people who keep leaving me. I wake up and see 10min of my soap opera - back to sleep and wouldn't ya know...Abe from Days is there and Lexy but Lexy turns into another woman who looks like a dog (sort've morphs like in that snoop video where they turn into's scary I recall this) ....Abe's eyes pop out of his head per usual and he thinks (cause, ya know, they think outloud in soap operas) OMG!! it's my ex wife!! and that was it. umm.


I've had this song in my head allll day. Kissability by Sonic Youth. it's on that mix cd I mentioned that Tim made me. oh man, it follows me around like an annoyance, but a lustful annoyance. I actually walked in the kitchen humming "you've got kissability could be a star, you could go've got kissability, be in the movies...don't ya make me siiiick" (don't know if those are the actual lyrics in that order but that's how I have it stuck) then put my tea in the micro - as I'm waiting, I lick the spoon all seductively ...continuing to sing. I'm such a freak.


I have one more thing to say before my brain runs out of thoughts and I start adding question marks to the ends of statements and repeating repeating repeating (am I already starting? yes I am?) ....the guy host of The Weakest Link isn't scary enough. he sucks. what the hell is this?
This is what I said to lindsey about it: oh maaan! he said "you're the weakest link *laughs* gooooodbye!" like a friend. totally not scary. she twitches her head and barks it out as "g'bye!" as I recall"

They should've just left it alone or if she didnt want to host all the time, just show reruns. this is utter crap. he can't even raise his voice right. it's still on. maybe I shouldn't be watching it in the first place though. nevermind. credits rolling. woo!

[*this wasn't as short as I thought it would be and I kept on having to edit it for stupidity]

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