I'm drinking hot tea ...I hardly drink it this way, but I'm so cold, I'm about ready to die of hypothermia or something. okay, okay, not 'that' cold, but enough to be abit uncomfortable. the warmness is like stepping into a nice scalding shower that cools off towards the end, but by then the thawing has occured and it no longer matters.

Tea and Unpleasant Conversation
10:10 PM CST

Sorry about the non-entry or warning yesterday. I'm reallly slipping this week. I got carried away yesterday in code; I haven't done real code in forever. it was abit upsetting when I realised I didn't have cgi access on that domain; now I got response that I didn't enable it and I could do it myself next time. I'm such a dunce,eh?

Soon, my lovelies, sooon the weblog will be back and it's about time. I've had such an urge to post links like a pimp I've been dying...palms sweating, mouth salivating, I must dooooo it!! sure, I'm a part of another weblog, but it isn't exactly the same as having my own to love.

The journal was always first, but the weblog took centerstage in 2000! the new source of information and another whole community to grasp onto. the weblog hadn't been very much in demand before that year; at least that's when I took notice. there have been both journals and weblogs for many years on the web. the outpouring of new faces and voices didn't happen till waaay later though. probably before there were like 100 or so on the whole web. now, there are probably thousands upon thousands!

Anyway, weblogs have died down abit, but I still miss doing it, so having one again will be quite a joy. do email if you want to be part of my weblogging team. my old one was dying out anyway. only a couple of us would actually post.


I spoke to Will friday night. it was nice to have someone to talk to again; yeah, Richard is niiice, too, but ya know. I didn't feel any animosity in this conversation though the 'hate your guts' thing almost made me feel something. I mean, it didn't have to do with me, but ya know what I'm sayin'? I try to be vague sometimes when I know I shouldn't bring it up, but still want to. well, I'm just sayin' that speaking to him was nice after all this time (about two weeks).....but hearing he still thinks about me sometimes is abit confusing or maybe sad. at least most of my emotion is gone. this helps things abit.

Speaking of which, I spoke to dad today. we actually didn't yell at each other though we did talk about how he doesn't know me well at all. plus how it's better to be apathetic than outright depressed. he said I should focus on being happy being me. not an easy task seeing as I have nothing to be exceptionally happy about. being apathetic at least keeps me from doing something drastic and that's what we all want, right? not that I've ever done anything drastic...I'm just sayin' I'm not a very happy type person.

Somehow, and I said this outright to him, I think he just thinks of me as five years old or well, how I was at that age. I mean, the way he describes how I am and basically tells me is downright degrading. I mean, it's not that he says anything that would be construed as bad in normal everyday settings, buuut he was telling me all these things that weren't me at all!!! at least not the me that has been for the past six years or more. I can't blame him though since he hardly visits or speaks to me without us yelling about something - one of us at least. I think it's best if we're just civil and not trying to figure each other out.


I might as well say there was no eating of pancakes or making out this weekend. perhaps next, eh? *nudge nudge*


Okay, in less than an hour the cgi access will be mine and maybe I'll get that layout done. my tea is finished, too.

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