Okay, okay, *ahem* I'm over the depression. enough of that. I have put it away in the closet with the clothes I never wear - at least for now. ya see, I looked at the sky yesterday and decided it's best to be happy and munch on some Tostidos than to be thinking about jumping out a window. and really those Tostidos were nashty, too. a dry salt - not greasy and sort've stale. this did NOT matter though, ya see? what mattered is that I wasn't thinking about sticking my head in an oven - not that I was before mind you.

Represent Y'all!
10:17 PM CST

Today's dream was rather yicky though to say the least. it involved a guy with geeky glasses and red curly hair stumbling about on my old street as kids ran off in terror. he was "singing" (more like serenly mumbling and jeering questionably at the kids in a drunken stupor) these certain lines that made me want to escape this dream if I could've (sooner!!! I did wake up soon after the song, but damnit, I didn't need to hear it in the first place). the lines (as best to my knowledge since I'm trying to block it out) were: "I glare and stare amongst sodden sheets tangled up, my hands beneath grip something tightly in a lonliness catcall....I need to emerge, but I'm alright just grabbing on amongst the sheets in furvor...." I wanna die now.....go ahead....I may not be depressed, but enough is ENOUGH!!

What is it with my crazy subconscious that makes me dream this schtuff?
Well, the night before I dreamt I had to marry Will though and he was coming for the xmas party. this was straaange. he appeared once in the dream, but we didn't touch or anything. my skirt flew up though and someone said "nice underwear" ...some yicky lookin' guy in the crowd. I seriously need help. probably had to do with reading that Love Hina graphic novel. the little indian girl pulled up her skirt after sayin' "wanna see my panties?" ...okay no more of that before bedtime.

Speaking of which, Will told me he had a dream about me today. I had kissed him and he liked it. hmmm.....I found this mildly arousing in my altered state. hee! mih mih ERUUMPH! *hic* okay, anyway, I wanna tell this dream since it involved me...it's okay, riiight? I found it interesting. apparently he had come over and mom answered the door saying I was asleep and to wake me. he then came into my bedroom and I guess woke me up, thus I rolled over and gave him a hug and a passionate kiss, whence I rolled back over and fell back asleep. he then shook me asking if I had ever kissed anyone before and I pissedly said "noooo!" over and over again. this is sort've funny cause, I swear, this is what I would do, too, eh?


So, that time hath hit! falling off the roof! that probably is why I am no longer that sad...maybe that was the problem in the first place? hrmph. there's still problems that I can definitely see, but still feels like a weight has been lifted off of me.

I spoke to André last night on the phone cause he called. I opened up the big picture window and it was hitting dusk, so the colours in the sky were slowly dissipating into that period between light and dark which is the direct defininiton of dusk anyway. it just seems like things illuminate the street; the colours look like bubbles just made and about to disappear upon contact. so, yes, I stared out the picture window; had my nose pressed against the pane as I spoke cause words come better when I can see outside - ya know? not feel so locked up.

Hmmm....so, I had written him an email telling him what has been up since we last spoke and I guess that's why he called; I'm not sure. it was still a nice surprise. we spoke about anime awhile - I had told him how it was tough reading a manga backwards cause it was the bilingual one. I was reading backwards from right, but was supposed to read it from left, so it made no sense for the first few pages. myyy baaad.

He also told me about how Josh (former FB) was in Planet Anime and had seen the last five minutes of one particular anime he had never seen and found it so hilariously funny that he had to buy it right then. it apparently involves soccer. there was more to it, but I hate getting my facts wrong and I forgot the title :\ André if you come here, please refresh my memory? *begs*
I do know that it had a funny scene involving dumplings and songs about how impressed they were and a chain reaction. this is what I get for listening to this particular explanation while not by the window.

We got to talking about shaun at a certain part of the conversation; maybe at the beginning, but then we went off course and came back to him. hmmm, I sat by the window for this particular part as we went into how I should solve this dilemma. this dilemma of not knowing what I want. I found his explanation about the present giving sort've funny - mom found it mean. she finds things mean lately. heh heh. anyway, it was this, "[André-me voice] no, shaun, no more gifts! I'm just now putting enough time between you and the last gift that I don't feel guilty about it!"
it sort've went like that...hehehehe. I mean, I don't mean to make this seem like bashing shaun day cause really I feel no animosity or confusion about it - I just am in a mood to find anything funny; poking fun is okay. people poke fun at me. stand up comedians do it!

Soooo, yesss....I had some cheering up from that lovely chat. I had missed his rockin' it. even if he doesn't do it on this site, he's still somewhere doing it. *undirties mind*


Oh yeah, guess what?
NEW FEATURE! I tell you what song is my song of the day and you can buy the album if you so choose. I'm not a capitalist though someone told me I was. you can just download, ya know? it's all good. I understand j00...I mostly just want to shaaaare.

Song of the day: Gravity by Luna Sea
Album to buy:
Play it Loud

Previous . Next


Okay. Ya baited me. You know the album's actually called "Lunacy" - I have no idea where this "Play it loud" I see everywhere comes from. But Yeah. Luna Sea *love them*. More songs to grab: Crazy about you, Hurt, Rosier, Providence, Believe, Jesus, In Silence, I for you, Kiss... Actually, ten's enough. For now.

- 11.06.2001 08:05 PM - Mouse


oh, well, I didn't know. I just searched for Luna Sea on amazon, so I'd have something to link. heh. I have no knowledge about the group really, but $42 is a hell of alot for an album (even import wise!)

I already have I for you and Rosier, but I'll keep those others in mind.

so far, my favs I've DLed (besides Gravity and I for you) were Loveless, Desire, Love Song and Shine. yep. pretty cool.

- 11.06.2001 08:32 PM - Amber


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