I appear to be late. *tiptoes across the darkened room* I hear weird screwy music in the other room; I thought it was coming from outside, but no, it's coming from across the hall. it's indian echoes and drumbeats. very scary. last night, I attempted to write the best entry evah, and when I pressed 'add this entry' I came to the rude awakening that my site was down at the moment; pressed the back button, but it was too late. I lost the entry!

Shamelessly Late
06:22 PM CST

I basically mentioned that mom was doing her eBay stuff last night, so I didn't get back online till 2am. I had went to my room around 11pm. this was different since I hadn't done that in months; just go off to my room to watch tv. after SNL, I watched the 10 most fashionable videos on vh1 and right after that came the puff daddy story on Behind the Music. man oh man was that dramatic. didn't it just seem like he was at the wrong place at the wrong time each and every time a draaaama hit? sheesh, yo! it's like "no, I had nothing at all to do with the shooting ::shakes head:: it was all a misunderstanding!" yeah, that happens more than once in his world...hah! it seemed this story went on forever, with tragedy after tragedy amongst the pimping. I do admit, the lifestyle and pimping looked like great fun; I'd take out the shootings and anger though...uhh yeaaah. when J-Lo popped into the picture, I was all 'oooh yeaaah!' J-Lo not gonna take it no' mo! none of that drama! I'll just marry my no personality dancer or uhh something. who is that guy? how long were they dating since I didn't even know about it? sheesh! anyway, so, yeah, poor puffy *ahem* I mean P.Diddy (hah! this makes me think of Donkey Kong Country; the little skinny guy who followed the big guy; Diddy Kong?? yoooo! Biggie could be Donkey Kong! they should make Biggie/P.Diddy Country; they rap for bananas, yo!).


Yesterday I didn't do much. me and mom were downstairs talking while she dipped tostidos in two different jars of sauce (spicy lookin' ones) and I ate the rest of the Bistro chips (yes, I finished the bag and felt crappy afterwards). do you ever just daze out when eating? someone's talking to you and you just go "uh huh *munch munch* yeaah niiice *munch* good"? oh yeah, throw in a few head nods as well. I just don't recall exactly what we were talking about during the eating. I just recall she was telling me how she dropped by dad's house to see if he wanted to go to Stahbucks with her since she needed to go to B&N to get a magazine she meant to get last time, but thought they'd have it at The Yoga Institute (the place I almost did a website for). someone was rebuilding the roof though, so mom didn't bother, drove on by and opted to go to the grocery store instead where she bought massive amounts of tasty treats including the chips'n'dip she was eating! okay, okay, maybe I was paying attention and didn't know it! stiiilll, this story had a point. I mostly don't pay attention. yeaah.

When I came back, I saw that H.G. had tried to speak to me. he had said "I'm home!" and then when I told him I was downstairs earlier since he had signed off and came back later, he called me a liar! hah! why would I not respond if I was there? I have no reason not to, yo (at first I wrote ho...oopsies)! after all the promoting I do and all the places I let him pimp, he should thank me. hee! of course, I bet he was just playing around (or better have been). no one calls me a liar. hah hah. I like to give H.G. a hard time... :P


Last night I bought some albums at CDNow with no money. I usually try to stay away from online shopping sites, buuut I was trying to find out where to buy the Aveo album for future reference in google. on page two, I saw a link to CDNow and I was too tempted not to search for more music while I was there. by the end, I had four albums in the cart ($60.81 total including shipping!). I was talking to Will while I was there and he seemed abit giddy that I was about to order albums. we were discussing music at the time, so ya know. I think I was influenced into buying or something. at first, I was just playing around, pretending. I did stop for those few hours to watch tv while mom did eBay, but I still ended up ordering them when I returned.

I bought Spoon (the newest album; thanks to Will saying it was good and I had sampled a couple others off audiogalaxy that day), Aveo (of course! after all that searching...bleh), Bright Eyes (the one with 'Perfect Sonnet' on it; ya know they have alot of albums..), and Sigur Ros. overall, a good mix of music. I'm proud of my purchase though mom said she cried when she saw the receipt sent to her email. whoops.

I could've sworn she said if I got the eBay items up (which I did; partially) then I could order the cds and plus I'd be getting my new check soon, so what the hell. apparently she said I should wait till I get bids or till my next check arrives since it's not that long a wait. whoopsx2. I should listen better, but hell, I was brought in by temptation of the worst kind and was under a spell. I was blinded by lust for new music damnit! must have it! must feel it! must devour! rahrah! burning a disk just isn't enough sometimes....anyway, I still feel bad for not listening.


I stayed up till 6am last night/morning talking to shaun. I was going to go to bed around 5:30 since I was about done reading the Sephirot story (which is very dramatic by the way ^^ I wish I could write at the drop of a hat like that again; I used to in middle school. I think the best was when I made my guy friend beat the fat boy next door to his death. I drew pictures as well; x'ed out eyes and all), but then he had come back. I figured he wasn't going to after the keyboard fiasco or whatever that was. I stayed up since I hadn't really spoken to him in awhile.

Mom was telling me earlier that night after his phonecall (he had called me, but it was a very brief call) that he may be a nice guy, but he's waaay over there and I'm over here. what do I expect him to do for me from that distance? I just sighed in frustration as I looked out the darkened window, and said, "you just don't know how it is..." she thinks I should do things with Will since he's in the same area, which I plan to do, but what does that have to do with me and shaun?

I don't expect him to be my helper (neither do I expect Will; it's not fair to anyone and I don't expect charity); a person to get me out of a jam or whatnot. I see him as just someone I care about on an equal level; someone who makes me happy. I don't see him as how she sees anyone I have any sort of relationship with. she thinks someone is worthless if they can't help me get over my anxiety I think. I don't understand her sometimes.


Dream Corner
I had a couple weird dreams these past few days. I haven't written one down in awhile.

-the marriage dream-
Me and mom were in my room discussing wedding arrangements. mom said, "I'm marrying the guest next thursday" and I looked in shock and said, "I thought you said you were never getting married again!" and she said, "I know, but I just didn't think he was serious ..now I know!" and then we gathered up wedding dresses and such off the floor. I then realised the guest's name was Max (it's not..) and said, "the guy on the Gilmore Girl's is named Max too!" for the record, from the scene for this coming week, they go on a road trip and no marriage takes place. go figure. as Will said, "too much WB, dude" or something...hah! I agree, I agree.

-bad haircut dream-
I was in this cave beneath the sea (it didn't have water in it though it was cavernous and damp). I was searching through the rooms off of the side; it was like a house ...maybe like the Flinstones!! there were stone chairs and stone tables. it was all very quaint. I looked in one mirror which was abit dirty and stared into it...my hair was damp and non-pretty-like. I mentioned how we should head back to land. I then ended up in this mall where these girls were getting haircutting lessons (I guess they were in beauty school). the girl who got me was dark skinned and seemed nervous. she wore her hair long in ringlets and had a clip holding it back. she picked up the front strands of my hair and started snipping. I then said, "what the hell do you think you're doing?!?" as hair fell in piles around me, I felt that I wasn't getting a good haircut at all. I ran from her and refused to pay. I then, ended up at this very posh salon. there were professional photos of stars up everywhere and some people ooohed and aaahed over them saying, "wow! that one's so clear! how did they do it??" like this was the first time they'd seen a blown up studio portrait. I sat in a chair waiting with a magazine while a friend told me these people were great and I'd get my hair fixed up real quick-like. I saw Alice Horton (from Days of Our Lives) in the back eating spaghetti and meatballs and smusing it up with some high execs. very weird. she was all, "yes, yes this is grande. very superb. I..I...I love this place!" finally they got to me. I got some very funkaaay lookin' dude who seemed gay and he was wearing some colourful shirt. his hair was glistening and spiky - short. he was all, "okay, okay.." ::pumps up the chair:: "this is good. we can fix this!" and then my former friend Teri appears and she starts putting mascara on my lashes. I ask her what brand it is and she says, "Luminous ..only the best." once my haircut was done, I didn't like it. when staring into the handheld mirror, my bangs (I don't have any in real life; I grew em out after middle school though they're still there; just longer and blended in with my real hair) were in a poof off to the side with some sort've gel and my hair was stringy. I made a face, put the mirror down and left. hrm...

This shows me that I should not sleep in the daytime hours. I have fucked up dreams.


My stomach hurts and I'm abit jittery; it's overcast outside ...I think I will go. the ending was alot better in the entry I lost.

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