Sometimes, I think too hard. I've been wearing myself out with thoughts lately which creates drama that isn't even there, yo! ..well, unless I want it there. I think I get this sick fucking sense of joy out of creating screenplays in my head I won't be writing down. I swear, my thoughts aren't completely normal. if I decided to write them down, it wouldn't come out right anyway, cause by the time I put pen to paper, the thought pattern would be gone anyway.

I Bump My Head Against the Windshield
09:27 PM CST

So, I've felt abit out of sorts lately. I think it has to do with my screwy time of the month; making me teary eyed. plus, allergies/sinuses. fall/winter can both be a delightful time and a depressing time all at once. I can't explain why cold weather does that for me. it also makes me want to write. I realise I write more when it's cold. just something about getting a notebook out, underneath my covers, with my socks on, huddled up with some music. yes, yes....I recall times like that. the only way to calm my nerves.

Really, last fall wasn't TOO bad though I vented alot. I just always make a big deal out of things. it seems that Will caught on (I'm speaking to him now; this entry is sucking; 'scuse me if I multi-task during it ...sort've like the closed captioning guy skit on Conan) to that.

Anyway, fuck it. do I sound like I'm having a fun time typing out this entry? hah hah.


---

Me and shaun spoke last night. I've been wishing he was here lately; well, okay I've been wishing he was here more than lately, but I mean, more intensely than before since before I was distracted it seemed. I don't know by what, but I was somehow. it did break me abit when he told me he felt incomplete though. I've been feeling abit of the same thing before he even mentioned it. hearing him say the words made it even more profound in my head it seems. I've always felt incomplete though; this isn't anything new. even before him, I felt it. now, I still do cause he's not here. this is seeming entirely too much for a fucking fun journal topic, but my brain's been jumbled up lately, so I'm sorry. I can't seem to be funny at all today.

I just hope this visit he's been talking about happens soon cause my brain can't take anymore thinking.


---

I had Amy's pizza tonight and watched Felicity. damn, for some reason, Felicity made me all sappy, but the pizza was tasty. my sinuses aren't as icky as before though my hands and feet are frozen (yes I'm wearing socks!). I might have an Amy's rice bowl on friday cause I like the *crunchcrunchcrunch* of the water chestnuts. I must say, lately I've been obsessed with Amy's ...tis good and good for you, ya know?

Okay, enough about food. I better kill this entry before it kills me. hee!

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