The beats vibrate in my head and all I can think about is touch; longing for touch, wishing that I didn't look so wrong. bounce my head about, eyes shut, waivering hands across the room as it spins, I am blinded. I feel slightly dizzy half in the dark, with only a few dots of colour bursting through to my subconscious. flow with the music. become the music. yes, I made a mix cd for myself for once.

Intoxicating Sensation
07:46 PM CST

Here's the setlist since I know you're probably curious (Starcat don't read if you want a surprise cause I just changed one song for my own mix...hee!):

and ya never know
1. Carissa's Weird - Flourescent Lights
2. Bright Eyes - A Poetic Retelling of an Unfortunate Seduction
3. Bright Eyes - Haligh, Haligh, a lie, Haligh
4. Belle and Sebastian - If You're Feeling Sinister
5. Bright Eyes - Sunrise, Sunset
6. Neutral Milk Hotel - In The Aeroplane Over The Sea
7. Carissa's Weird - Blankets Stare
8. The Weakerthans - The Last Last One
9. nullStatic - Insomnia
10. melodywhore - maite Ghost (resurrection remix)

dance to mah beat
11. DDR 5th Mix - Ecstacy
12. DDR 5th Mix - Insertion
13. DDR 5th Mix - Era
14. DDR 5th Mix - Healing Vision
15. DDR 3rd Mix Korean - Rose
16. DDR - Tell Me, Tell Me
17. Daft Punk - Digital Love (radio edit)

and lull me to sleep
18. Sigur Ros - Višrar vel til loftįrįsa
19. Carissa's Weird - Sitting in the Smoking Lounge of an Airport with a Broken Heart

view the cd art here:
Never Looking Back


I just finished some pasta. yes, yes, I stopped in the midst of this to eat. it twas good...mmm. I am trying to eat abit healthier despite the fact that I'm gaining weight. yet another pound was added as of today. closer and closer to my goal. anyway, the only really healthy part of this dinner was the veggies on top of the pasta. oh yeah, and olive oil, not butter! still greasy gooood and healthy looking indeed. it looks just like what's pictured on those healthy cuisine packages yet I bet it's better since it's not frozen..erm. brocolli, carrots, corn, green beans on top of angelhair. well, interesting nonetheless. completely thrown together.


Is it weird to be longing for touch and then wanting to be alone all in the course of a day or two? I think my hormones are going clazzy clazzzy. I've even been feeling clammy at times, bloated and then I'll feel this emotion within me. that one night I was down, in the pit of my stomach I could feel myself hitting that low point. I mean, that feeling I used to get when I was truely depressed and wanted to cry. I just couldn't shake it. it took a few hours of saaad saaaad music and a few tears welling up in my eyes before it could dissipate. I don't know what would've happened if shaun didn't come online and realign my thought patterns. they were everywhere that night. just questioning everything and the music wasn't helping for once. then the next day I was angry, but I had a reason. I wrote about it last time. then yesterday, I couldn't stop wanting to be touched. it was this insane longing for a kiss or to be held. I wasn't sure why it came, but it continued into today for awhile now I'm normalling out again. I definitely think it's hormones. I'm about past due for falling off the roof and still not looking forward to it, but when it's late, I worry abit. I just want it over with, so I can check another month off...hah.


The things I ordered should be coming in tomorrow and friday; I can't wait! I haven't had new things (besides food or essentials and not counting shaun's lovely ayumi cd gift) in months! excitement abounds truely!

and eBay....eBay, eBay, eBay; I don't know what I can say. each time I want to list things, I see that it's not doing well that week or I get too lazy to do so. I need to shutup about eBay cause I'm really not doing anything with it. maybe I'll relist the earrings again to bide me time - HAH! I go in circles and I come back around. you just don't know, yo! ya just don't know how hard it is in this eBay field. ya toil and toil and trouble and trouble and no one buys or they don't bid enough and your day in the field wasn't worth the effort. it's like working till you're red in the face, going in to get your payment of a meal and seeing that you're denied. "nope, sorry, no bread and water for you today! go back out there and get those plants greener damnit!" and with eBay it's the same thing except "go back out there and get those starting bids lowered and maybe we'll see..."

I'm making this seem like a horrible business to go into, but really it's not. I'm just whining about it cause I'm too lazy to get up off my ass and do the work cause I predict failure. if I predict it, they'll come, ya know? my horoscope told me I would be good financially in September which I was cause I got my checks, buuut I didn't take a chance and also put up my items! see? that's where I went wrong!! I must learn from my mistakes and go out there like a true fighter, get me grasshoppah-san? yes, yes master.


The beat still rages on in my head. I need a drink and I still want a kiss. darn. I'll go lick my cup. tata.

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