Since I saw this at kottke, I thought I really would type up a piece or two from past journal entries that are NO LONGER ON THE WEB! exciting stuff, eh? I certainly would've done it sooner, but I wasn't sure I felt like searching. I'm semi-glad I did though. shows when things started and what kind of person I was back then.

Where we Ponder on the Past: a Special Entry
05:57 PM CST

I'll just write three of em cause some actually make me giggle in a way that I didn't know I was being funny at certain points:

Friday July 3, 1998

It was friday morning. Time to get ready to leave. I was cranky and stressed out, pulling my clothes on slowly. It went by fast as we left the house forgetting a suitcase. None of us knew till we got to the Express check-in at Intercontinental Airport. I was pissed and yelling at dad the whole time in the parking lot, the bus and to the gate C-27 I believe. I got upset and panic came to me when I found out we all got separate seats. One lady was nice and changed seats with me. Me and mom were sitting next to a pessimist. I added in, "Yes, the glass is always half empty." This was all being said when we were flying back to the airport 'cuz of pressurization problems. This kid behind me said, "Wow! We're landing!" His calm dad starts talking about the plane being like a balloon and the pressure being off in this gay voice. His son probably could care less. We were back at the airport for like an hour while they checked things out. If things couldn't get any worse the lady in the tie-dye outfit got up in the middle of the aisle and did yoga poses. She was doing the triangle pose when the guy next to her (not sure of his status to her...very scary if it's her son!) gets up and does the dog pose with his butt in the air. I might add I was in the aisle seat and his butt was in my face. The lady starts to massage his butt while he's still in position. This was very freaky. Mom tells me later that the lady was plucking hairs off her chin for like 12 minutes during the plane ride. Those people need help. Lindsey tells me she happened to see her pass by when we were talking in the airport. In the car, I listened to my cousin's Tori Amos CD with her portable CD player 'cuz all my good crap was in the 'other' suitcase (the one we forgot).

It was actually ok towards the end of the day. We went to Blockbuster and rented 'Dazed and Confused'. I guess RJ (editor's note: um, I think RJ was some guy online I chatted with from time to time and I decided I'd have a horrible trip and he said he was sure it'd be fine) was right in a way (sarcastically).

Monday January 19, 1998/a philosophical sentence

I'm very confused lately and that's what I wanted to talk about today. I'm confused about why Theresa went against me and why Robert is acting strange lately. I just dunno why! Life is so confusing to me in general. I mean, why do people do things? Why did that one guy kill Ghandi? We'll never know. (editor's note: I'm very, very scared. I dunno what I was thinking..haha)

February 2, 1999

Alot has happened since the last entry. For one thing, things are looking better. I dropped the "Prostitution" class (marketing yourself) and now help out the computer teacher in the lab during that period which is much much better!! It all started with dad calling the counselor which I've mentioned. I was given a note to go to her office during first period on monday the 25th. I was alittle bit scared since I wasn't quite sure what dad said to her. She did think I was skipping sooo that's dad's fault. My hands were actually sweating. I get slight panic attacks when I feel uncomfortable and I did 'cuz I thought I would get yelled at. I didn't though...counselors are supposed to help you succeed somehow. She talked nicely to me and asked what was wrong. I told her about the class and right away she gave suggestions on what I could do without changing my schedule which made me relax right away.

She said I could play with her toys and relax while she found the computer teacher. I had this urge to touch this lil doll that was sitting in this basket on her desk, but I resisted. There were retarded kids walking by and I didn't want them to think I was retarded, too...umm that made me seem really shallow I know. I just get scared of them sometimes because some of them can get violent without knowing it. Well enough about that...

Sooo this is how I got out of the "prostituion" class. It went to bloody hell!! muhahah!!! I did feel bad for the teacher though...she seemed sad that I was leaving her class. I did stay in there for two more classes after the change was made 'cuz of some confusion. I didn't actually start my other class till friday of that same week. I think I'm going to like this new class..

Well, that is, if she doesn't make me take apart computers anytime soon!! I hope she doesn't think I'm that good...the counselor did tell her that I was very good at computers and could help her out with anything that needed to be done. I think the computer teacher can tell I'm not as good as the counselor ranted and raved about... it had to do with something dad said to her. Dad doesn't even see what I do on the computer (read my email, surf the web and sometimes update my webpage) all day.

So far, I've organized papers for her, uploaded disks onto two of the computers, and untangled some mice (for computers) and put them back in a drawer. Oook, so that's about all that's been going on. I'm done making my mix tapes and am about to make the tape covers...I'll get around to that soon!! (not that this has anything to do with anything..umm ya).

At lunch I was actually happy for once. Usually I get kinda upset since I'm usually ignored by the group. The farthest it usually gets is Evita saying 'hi' to me when she gets to the table. On rare occasions will she say something more. Now, today wasn't one of those rare occasions, but I felt happy. Well, Michael came to the table to see Rosie (I know these people don't ring a bell...I've never spoken of them..heh). for some reason, he always comes over to our table towards the end of lunch and gets her. If I didn't know it, I think they have something going on. He was tickling her and well, that's a flirting type of action. He did stop and say hi to me and ask how I was. We used to be close friends back in my sophmore year when I was more outgoing. I used to tell him about my computer in Keyboarding. He'd always try to mess me up while I was typing...heh. So, anyway, I think Rosie changed her attitude when he spoke to me. I dunno maaan...I don't think she likes me for some odd reason. Even though me and Evita are friends and well, some of her friends I've become aquaintances with, Rosie has never really wanted to talk to me or say hi. Oh well...really this is nothing. I'm actually ok. I actually don't feel like I'm going to cry every second. This must have to do with getting outta the evil class..heh.

I did have some moments where I felt a panic attack coming on which isn't good at all. I still haven't made up all my work I missed from the days when I was absent, so I'll have to do something about that...I usually don't and that lowers my GPA..

I spoke to some people lately in my classes which is good. In English, especially. I was quite talkative for awhile in there. Plus, in webmastering, I spoke to the spanish girl next to me and helped her with the html code. She told me about her makeup and about Puerto Rico...heh. I need to be more sociable sometimes so I can get friends..well, at least more aquaintances.

I had my debate on insanity in Business Law monday. I only said one sentence, but it was enough to get a participation grade. I thought most of what everyone else was saying was just crap. I mean, it was funny, but come on!! For example, one guy said, "I know I'm INSANE!!!" Our side (the side against insanity) had a better argument going...the other side was just playing around I believe. They didn't give a crap I bet. Soooo since this entry was definitely not organized or had any storyline or point, I'm going to leave. I might say something later if I come up with a story of some sort...argh.


All I have to say is my writing style has at least changed abit. I mean, some of that was giggling inducing. good thing I lost the stuff from 1994...that stuff was horrible!! I talked to the journal like it was a person. at least, these entries were online at some point so it makes more sense that I'm talking like I would to an audience. feel free to bash it or make fun of it. I find it quite hilarious myself.

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