I feel down and exhausted. cloudy day, hardly any sleep, ruined my pants with one swift move (I got up) and now I just feel like burying my head in the ground. I should be happy for certain reasons, but the fact is, I'm not really.

long distance=no love, haven't ya learned?
09:56 PM CST

For one, still I don't get any comments. I feel like a beggar on the streets who just wants a loaf of bread; it doesn't even have to be italian bread with the little sesame seeds. it could be regular sliced bread. still nothing. I have a feeling since I haven't let this go for the years I've had a site, that's why I don't get diarist awards and that's why I don't have a big fan group chasing me down the street. some say I put too much into the net. hell, if it was free, I'd let it go, but it's not; at least for me. paying $300 to dreamhost so I can have a site where only I comment or view or poor H.G. comments, it just doesn't feel like a community. tell me what I'm doing wrong, please.

Now that I've gotten my little whine out of the way, let me tell you what really bothers me the most. I feel like complete hell today and I ruined my pants like I figured would happen. I stayed up till 9am cause I wanted to watch Cardcaptors and though I was awake, I think I zoned out a few times. it seems like the show only lasted five minutes and I saw the beginning, abit of the middle and the end. I caught abit of another show too and I wanted to watch the 9am one until I guess I passed out and didn't wake up for awhile and kept going off and on like that till 3pm. today was a wasted day. I could feel it anyway. as soon as I got the cramp in my side I wanted to waste away. I hate this time, and I hate being mean mccrabby[sic]stainedpants and alienating everyone.

Dino wrote back to me after two months. I was shocked and surprised all at once. this always happens when he comes back. just when I'm about to give up on wondering where he is, he pops up like no time has gone by and it's sorta nice. I liked hearing him ask me about the japanese candy I ate in May (I smiled cause that was a good month and I miss that month and I want it back..whaaah) and that he got a ps2. I could picture him perfectly too cause I remember what he looked like from when he came over way back when. it seems like yesterday though cause my years get all screwed up since I graduated back in 1999. I swear, it's like no time goes by sometimes once a person comes back.

André told me how Josh interpreted the "FB" status. apparently he thought I was kidding cause of the 'fake' part (hey, I believe he was the one who came up with the name; I just shortened it!) and I just wanted to be friends and hang out. yes, I did want the latter, but it's not that I didn't like him. I mean, it was quite obvious I was flirting. who asks a friend if they'd sit next to them on the couch, huh? okay, maybe it happens, but I said it seductively in my head...and maybe he didn't hear it.

So, I think I've gathered that touga kun's name is Shaun (I think?) and that he's only an inch taller than me and he likes sci fi and fantasy books and techno music. this seems like stuff you'd ask in middle school. gather up all the info ya know or there's no match, yo! I feel silly. this is quite silly. I started thinking of more questions in my head the night before and today also. do ya smoke? do ya do drugs? what is the original colour of your hair? what nationality are you? what's your last name? or at least is your first name really Shaun or do you just name picture files that? when's your birthday and your zodiac sign? see? just too many questions I just don't have an answer to yet. now, we're getting somewhere here, but then I panic and realise, I don't really like techno music that much; at least not gaming techno music. and is that all he likes? does he only read those types of books or that type of music? I don't usually have this trouble, but now he supposedly thinks there's a relationship which I don't. my new rule for the year 2001: don't date someone you haven't met. end o' story. hasn't your mama taught ya that? they could be scary and weird! I never said I wasn't! I know I wouldn't travel over here to see me! gah!

Next-ly, everyone thinks I should get into anime voice acting. this was just alittle joke I'd like to toss out if I ran out of job options. anyway, everyone thinks I should do it. even mom, and she certainly wouldn't think I'd find a way to the building. there's an ADV building downtown apparently. it seems everyone has read that anime article in the Houston Press, too. I read two pages of it, but haven't finished. I did see that it might be easy to get hired there even without experience. I mean, I'm not an actor, but I can do anime voices; I always am impersonating and hell, how much does it pay? I'd do it if I had a way to do it :)

Then I could actually say I was in the credits of something without having to appear on screen.

Oh yeah, and when do things pick up on eBay in the fall? those earrings are still not selling. they have till monday and I doubt anyone will pop in by then. I figure I'll wait till high times - that sounds like a place you'd buy drugs, eh? probably is.

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