Ya know that position where a person has their legs spread out like they're going to stretch and another person sits in the center closely? yeah, he's appearing in my dreams yet again!

Rain over Florida
04:10 AM CST

Florida has nothing to do with it really. it just happened that the setting was Florida. I was driving underneath a tunnel with rain coming down the windshield. I can't drive, yet I always do in dreams if there is a scene where I must. I was worried that I was too close to the coast (I'm in Miami) and that the water would come to get me and I'd drown. I guess I decided why the heck not and ended up at a house I didn't even know. I just wanted to get somewhere. I felt silly being there at first. just standing like a doof in the middle of the living room. I didn't even see any people. I began to get abit lonely when I looked up at the area where the living room meets the kitchen; the bar with its high risen chairs lined up. it was Dino standing there. I began to realise I was safe now. no more scary. just nice; good; normal. it was like I ran into a familiar face and it didn't matter that I was in Miami and didn't know how I got there or what this storm was or why I was standing in this desolate living room to begin with.

He walked over to me slowly; wearing just a pair of slacks and a t-shirt I think. barefoot. I walked over towards him and soon it was like he had vanished and appeared behind me. I sank down to the floor and saw candles lining the shelves and tables like we were in a bad WB drama. I didn't turn around to look at him. I just sat and he got in that position and crept in closer. as I felt some warmth overcome me, I just didn't remember anything after that.

I still wonder why I was in Florida to begin with. I remember before I was driving, I was in some fast food restaurant with a group who I was saying goodbye to quickly. I stood at the door as they separated down the block; at this point, there was only some dark clouds looming forth. I figured it would be okay though I felt something was definitely wrong with the setting and I didn't like it. this tells me I shouldn't read books that bring Post Traumatic Sydrome to life when it's not even my memory!! it was in a book :P

The book I'm talking about is The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami. I like the book just fine, but that section where the guy tells his war stories to the main character were disturbing. I began to cry alot and each time I think about 'the book', the image of the man is brought to life. I mean, the descriptions were so realistic that I can ACTUALLY picture the act happening! at least I'm not dreaming about that yet! at least it's only dreams about Dino...siiiiigh with sugar on top! mom tells me I'm going to scare him away if I keep thinking about him all of the sudden. EXCUSE me if I can't control my dreams!! really, now. if I could, I would. though the moment I saw him online that day, I did get a glimmer of a pang in my chest. I know I shouldn't, but I'm so sad and want love NOW that I don't care. seriously. I've waited long enough for FB.

Most would think of me as a semi-whore the way I move on like I do. I mean, I haven't been with one of these people yet I talk about love and joy and how I could never just let it go and find someone else. then I do and it starts all over again. I'm a crush whore. there ya go. crush whore!!

He seemed happy to speak to me again though. he did. he said we'd talk again. maybe that's just politeness though. he was always nice and polite. when he came over that one time last year, I could tell he was the shy type. it is true I did like the type he appeared to be right away. augh. regret for acting weird still. I even wrote him an email a couple weeks ago saying we should hang out again now that he's back and I promise I won't try to make him dance or play any weird radio show tapes..no response.

Sure, I'd like to get to know him again for real. play video games. act less weird. make it be friendlier and let him speak. first encounters are always awkward. I just want to make it right to have a good memory. oh hell, really, I just want to take pictures of rap videoesque pool scenes where I saunter over in an interesting outfit sliding my sunglasses off and jumping him. oh great, I am a crush whore for sure now!

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