02:27 AM CST
Today was just one of those days. I'm not even sure I figured everything out. I still must work on more glitches and actually do the layout. the sketch just isn't coming out right. it rained again today. it was raining. the rain poured so hard. I looked out the window and it was like a little kiddie pool over by the entrance of the town homes. didn't last long though. it was fast and short just like masturbation. hah! I'm so witty at this time of night.
Anyway, mom searched for a rainbow since the sun shone through the clouds towards the end of this storm. usually this produces a rainbow over the roofs. I wish I could take a picture of one someday :\
There wasn't one there. ah well. at least it looked cheerful while it rained. I hate when it's all dark and scary. I start to moan and pull at my hair. I like melodic rains. the type that cause a swishing sound almost like a melody against the rooftops. it sends me into sleepmode which is perfect. lightning, thunder, sparks, lights going on and off and a river outside against black/grey rain clouds isn't what I'm expecting. like last week. friday was a nightmare. I was so scared out of my mind. I wished I could teleport myself to Japan or something. uhh even Ohio would be more cheerful. I just kept picturing a typhoon gobbling me up in its wrath and I'd disappear. I'd never escape. even if this was a video game, I would die cause I suck at adventure games.
I still long for more out of life lately. I keep having the urge to do things, but then I hesitate. I say 'no, my hair's a mess. maybe once I'm wearing something different. maybe after I take a shower. maybe then but never now. I do expect to go to the pool sometime in the next week or so. I want that to be my first photo excursion. it makes me cheerful to think about future excursions. things I could do that are small. I just need to build up to this. at least I've began to feel abit more normal. I mean, these pains I'm feeling today are cause I'm overworking myself. mom always told me that hardwork makes you forget about worrying. maybe she's correct. then again, when I go to bed and have time to think as I read my book, I start to feel this extra pain in my back, chest, sides, and then I panic. I guess it's good it isn't 24/7 and just at night. I must build up.
I think I'm overworking myself. I mean, at the moment. these weeks are flying by and I have no idea how. one week was taken to buying stuff and ebay, the next for domain registration and payments, and another to catching up on sites and yet another now on building my site. and now, I keep getting emails about writing activities. I mean, just cause it says I'm a writer under occupation in my one profile, doesn't mean I can create movie scripts or interpret poetry for a junior english class. I can do neither really. yet, I help these people out. I send them a polite reply when I could ignore it and I tell them maybe I can, but I can't. I'm too nice for my own good. that movie script guy is still waiting for a reply to his prompt about the plot of his movie. siiigh. I wish I could write scripts, but that's not my field of writing. I do fiction, journal blurbs, stupid essays, weblog commentary, haikus, poetry (that I can't interpret; I have mom interpret them for me when I want to hear what she'll say :P), some fanfiction. I'm not a professional in the least.
Anyway, I'm so tired, my wrists are hurting. I think I'll stop here.
post a comment or response, don't say no, no, no!!
/end cheesy rhyme
02:35 AM - Amber
awesome. listen to my music or die. ;)
12:15 AM - melodywhore
oh yeah, that's lovely... ~:0
I would do an evil face, but I disabled html on here so no brackets show up :P
12:32 AM - Amber
All I wanna do is love ya... and dM rocks... and I must be dreaming.
03:45 AM - melodywhore
doo wop dooo wop!
just thought I'd give a 'shoop' to this thread cause it needs a diva's touch to go with the workings on dM..yes indeed. plus, I feel like being silly.
mom called me a 'silly farter' earlier today. I about laughed my head off.
this entry won't go to hell; there will be intelligent conversation here later! please people, if you see this when it is launched, answer the questions. well, uh I can't cause I already did in the entry :)
01:07 AM - Amber