First entry of the new year (well, beyond the other which is technically in 2002 despite the edits that happened till midnight)! it feels like decades and yet no time has gone by all at once.

Well, You Aren't Bored Anymore
11:37 PM CST

Mostly I've been trying to cheer mom up, discussing dad, and buying cds in short.

Last night I s'pose was the most successful - I've felt that putting my own feelings aside really helps in being calm. if I pretend like I only semi-exist; exist to bring cheer, listen and create then I'm okay. it's when I put all my thought into myself and people doing me wrong that I go astray. okay, anyway, I gave her a shoulder massage and asked what it was exactly that was troubling her. it's apparently dad and money which it always is though this time it's about him not paying his taxes for the past two years thus getting some guy to help him out for $250. he says he feels much more confident with this guy on his side. mom mentioned that she's told him time and time again to do his taxes and that she'd even help him out. he just would say, "I know, I know" and refuse mom's help. she thinks he was afraid she'd try to screw it up for him cause of her *hate* or steal his money secretly. yes, the money he supposedly doesn't have. it's just more debt on his part either way. I told her she should get a degree to be in the profession this guy who's helping dad is in then perhaps she'd get money from him or well, would have more of a duty to pay. it is ridiculous though how he'll feel the need to bring strangers into his business, pay them, act like their friend and yet he comes over here refusing to pay the money he owes us that was written in ink on a document! yeah, that's dad for ya. I try not to let it get to me though. the only time I'll worry is when we don't have the money for anything. it is getting rather stupid. there was no worry of money three years ago (at least I was never informed; I'd just spend like it was nothing and give my friends $20 cause I liked them).

Okay, so after hearing about dad and his soup addiction (he goes to La Madeline's lately for soup ..that and The Coliseum [which doesn't look like it's spelled right though the dictionary says so]), dad and his taxes, dad and why I spoke to him in an angry tone at 4pm on Friday, I finally gave mom a pat on the head and said I should start the pizza which I halfway screwed up on cause I got absentminded.

---

There is one thing that I have not been able to stop this new year (well, it's not like I made a goal about it!) - spending. I thought I could hold off, but all the great sales and albums I didn't get for xmas were looming in my head. made a purchase the other night. it still brings me joy when I hit the submit button. it's like an instant thought that I'll get a package soon and I can pretend I'm loved. of course, with that, comes the guilt of knowing that mom will know I'm helping with the debt and not helping to bring us out of debt. if I had more ambition, I'd try harder to make money. that is one of my goals. I just always look at goals as things that I don't have to start right away. the only ones I have worked on were the sleeping by 6am and the gaining weight (I added food I haven't tried to the grocery list and now I have a nice array of stuff to eat. the wheatables with french onion dip is the best! the wedding soup wasn't bad either). the next one I plan on starting is the layout plan. I have big ideas, so who knows - maybe by the end of winter, there will be something. I'm thinking red and blue; icy faced smirking girl and perhaps a robot companion main image! grey text in pt size 12. perhaps some of this will come to form. it's alot more distinct than my other haphazard ideas.

---

My dream this morning was so intense I slept till four. it involved the writing of two issues of a zine called Waiting. I got out a white coloured pencil and began writing W's across this black panel of cardboard on the packing box. I was showing people the inner pages which involved strips of anime characters. I said I copied the designs from other art and formed my own characters using expressionism. everyone was very impressed. the main character wore glasses and had spiked hair but only in the front; the back was slicked down. I don't know either, but he was in alot of panels in the strip. the covers involved Phillipe looking forlorn in a field with the word Waiting trailing next to his feet. I have no idea what that had to do with my strips. there were little paragraphs within the book to form a class project with the characters. ScottG from squishettes handed me a big wrapped Priority box sayin' it was a project for the zine. I exclaimed, "wow! that's MUCH bigger than the packages I'm sending out" I was just sending out the zines in little envelopes to each person on my fanlist (I wish I had a fanlist!). he then said he made a helicopter to fly people up in that was a project in the zine as well. I just stood there in awe.

I wish all my dreams were that cool. and I wish I had that zine!

---

This evening I watched the first volume of Vampire Princess Miyu. it drew me right in; I wasn't sure it would at first considering I'm more for the humourous anime lately, but it was really, really good. I was sad when that nerd died in the first episode; I thought he'd become a popular character, but uh yeah. that's where the title of this entry comes from; he wanted the good vampire Miyu to turn him into one of them cause it was boring being human. see where that gets you, yo. anyway, I won't say anymore which could be considered SPOILERS though yeah, more people die. that's a given. I started volume two till I got interrupted. maybe later on tonight or tomorrow. I swear I may finish this series sooner than I thought I would (I bought the whole box set; or well I got it for xmas).

---

Had a group squishettes chat this afternoon. it was great to see everyone - I mean my forum is great for random chatting, but this was a bigger group cause not everyone there posts at mine. the killing of basements discussion was the best; I kept picturing a big Tsunami crashing through the basement that was built below sea level. I wish it was possible to have basements here; that's one thing I like about going to Ohio despite the fact that going down there alone would bring creepy thoughts of ghosts asleep next to the furnace in the washroom and my footsteps on the stairs would awake them. anyway, I think it's just that grandma's basement is cool. I always thought of it as a mini-house cause I mean, it has a kitchen, office, closet, living room and washroom with bathroom (not that I'd ever volunteer to use it cause it always was creepy there) that leads to the wine cellar. it's surprising I remember enough about it considering I haven't seen it in awhile and my memory tends to fail me (especially lately). there were many fun things had in that basement though. such as, NYE parties with decorations/banners upon the walls which me and lindsey would create, radio shows, video game sessions, the craft store, dolls dancing in the fake club in the washroom, etcetc. over here, we just have an attic and I refuse to ever pull the string in the hall thinking it would crash down on my head.

Also? I detest the mention of Cleveland as nasty.

---

The snowflakes always sparkle like sun rays on a window pane, but more overcast, more standout-ish. I'd eat one dipped in sugar and spice and rolled out on dough like a good baker.

[this idea was formed out of a random comment on IM]

---

Now email and Ladytron, email and Ladytron. people are lovely.

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Lovely entry, starfish! I like the bit about the snowflake especially. :)

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Is starfish my new nickname? ;)

Thanks! that bit came from an IM though so I don't take full credit (I just formed it from a sentence about sugar crystals on snowflakes which sounded yummy).

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