There was no real sign of a storm earlier today; just overcast with some sun peeking through every now and again. I actually didn't know one was about to occur till Josh messaged me and asked how the weather was ...I found this abit odd unless just for small talk. then the lightning and thunder started, THEN the hail hit against the window and I hid...

I Don't Like The Rainy Days
09:44 PM CST

Mom and I sat in the hallway mumbling about various things. soon, it came to the topic of washing my sheets cause I talked about doing the whites next since I just left them there in the hall for days. I told her that I didn't think the sheets had been washed since the fall. seriously. we were talking about the dust in my room and why I have trouble breathing at night if I'm not entirely already tired before I go in there. I always think I'm going to die. I'm overly dramatic, ya know? anyway, she thought I should dust my knicknacks in there since they probably collect massive dust then asked me about the sheets.

What came out of her mouth after I said "probably October they were washed last" made me go into hysterics. laughing hysterics. oh my! she said "whoa ...dude." and this is something she doesn't usually say at all. she actually laughed harder than I did and said she seriously didn't know where that came from; it wasn't planned at all. we laughed and laughed as the rain pelted the roof and the windows.

To change the subject partially, I mentioned that I wanted to remove all the shelves on my bookcase and rearrange them since they were uneven (I thought I was going to hook up my stereo somehow at the bottom which I figured was more trouble than it was worth considering it would involve drilling a hole through the back for wires...blech - then the stereo broke, so that solved that). mom said that could be my spring cleaning project. lovely. that thing will probably fall on top of me if I start messing with it - seriously - it was abit shaky when nothing was on it before and if I start removing shelves... I'm accident prone truely.


Anyway ....back to storms. there's just something about storms that makes things alot different. there are the quiet storms; the ones that leave melodic sound effects on the roof and lull you to sleep; those are quite pleasant if not depressing cause you wish there was someone special there to share the moment with and not just you wrapped up and looking out the window or picturing a waterfall in your mind. then there are the raging storms; the ones that threaten to knock down walls and kill your safety net. I hate those. I hate the idea that wind could be strong enough and hail could be strong enough to do damage. seriously it sounded like golf balls hitting from all angles and the only place I knew to go was the hallway next to the bathroom. the bathroom is too small for me to want to be completely in there with the door shut for a long period of time unless I was showering (don't ask). when the hail stopped, I felt abit safer though the lightning and thunder kept me with my heart in my throat practically. I just hate it hate it hate it. I have no time to be depressed or feel sorry. I just feel very afraid. I don't know. at least it isn't flooding. I cannot swim and that scares me more.

There were various sirens heard into the night - mom said, "oh probably just an electrical fire" ...just what I want to hear, ya know? hah! then a car drove by and I said, "well, it must be safe enough to drive in - that makes me feel abit better." then mom had the nerve to say, "well, it could be someone who just had a stroke and soon the car will crash into one of those buildings around the corner." uh, niiice. I then thought about this for a second ...depending on how fast the car is going; how far can it drift once the foot isn't pressing against the gas pedal. the things I think about when I know mom's logic never makes much sense at all. she just likes to be absurd...hah.

Soon after this, she looked to be sleeping right by the edge of the stairs. I said, "uh, could you move elsewhere? if you roll over, you'll go bouncing down the steps; that would not be cool." she said she wasn't going to roll down the stairs, yet she tells me not to go near them if I'm just standing next to them and not going down - that I might lose my footing. I worry about that everytime now, too. especially since I did trip on the last three steps and caused damage to myself.


Besides the storm, there hasn't been much of interest at all. just one day after the next without much to be excited about. having Josh return, was about the only surprise I've gotten and it's a very good one at that since he's my connection to André and I like them both.

There were some dreams cause I sleep alot though I only remember one (written below). I told mom earlier that I wished I could sleep forever cause it's my happy spot. whatever good that happens in my waking life, I've had happen in dreams, too, counting stuff that hasn't happened that is good, so I'd rather be in the dreamworld. she 'awww-ed' at that. I do admit, I'm rather a pessimist or at least melancholy, but I don't mind it too much. my only fear is if I could only have one emotion forever. I'd rather not.


The dream a couple days ago - I was in this store with various items. I could stay there till I filled up my bag, so I started perusing the rows and rows of cds and gadgets, tossing whatever into my bag. soon, I wandered off to go fetch something and my bag was gone. this went on and on repeatedly until I yelled out at one of my shopping partners that I had lost 'FIVE BAGS' and was fed up. by now, I wasn't taking any shit, and when I found this pretty ring with a black stone, I picked it up and DID NOT stick it in my newly given bag. I stuck it on my finger.

There were candles, cds, tapes, books. tons of things that I stuck in the bag, but it was 9pm and almost closing time. I decided to come back the next day instead, but I think I slept in the main area outside. I kept the ring on and had forgotten to take it off. I didn't get in trouble.

[edited - yes, I was not feeling well earlier when I wrote the previous parts, so I edited the spelling mistakes and various grammatical errors; I hate when I do that, but I just had to leave the entry behind for awhile since my mind went completely blank and I couldn't continue]

So, the bag thing kept happening till I didn't end up buying anything. I still wonder if I had the ring on when I left for the final time. plus, I now recalled that I went into the store to begin wtih cause I had two coupons. one for a radiohead album and another for a Cure one. I went to that area specifically and those items weren't there. I decided to stay anyway. I never find anything I come in a store for in dreams. I guess that's one reason I shouldn't stay in dreamland. I'd go crazy.


Forum Topic: Storms

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