throw your hands up! Destiny's Child Style!

 

I don't know what to say really. I live near Houston, Tx, I was born in May 1981 on the sixteenth. some say I like to be crazy to cause attention to myself or do something spectacular or do nothing at all. it's all or nothing. I usually am most outgoing in my own surroundings. if someone visits me, I'll speak out more. if I visit someone, I stay quiet. I work both ways.

I hardly leave the house. you could say I'm an indoor person or a raging agoraphobic with social phobia. either way, I've been called either depending on how well a person knows me. some scoff at the thought that I don't swim or like to go camping, or on boat trips or jump out of airplanes. it's all quite relative. I don't know. I never really liked the outdoors. even before I became one of those people who shakes at the thought of going to the store. I liked to go shopping, to games, to putt putt, but I never wanted to really stay outdoors. how many more times do I have to emphasize here!

being alone or with mom too often can cause life to be pretty boring to tell ya the truth though. my daydreams and imaginative thinking are the only fun that goes on mostly. I try to invite people over when I meet someone interesting online, but it's hard to ever get the schedules straight and when's a good time and when's not. I've met one and I think I scared him into hiding at times. I mean, other times I think he's just shy and I didn't do anything abnormal. maybe looking back and thinking too much causes overreacting. I start to think everyone's against me or finds me a weird oddity. maybe it's cause of "certain" people who make me feel insecure about myself. like I should just change my ways or I'm holding out my real self on them. I always keep it pretty much "real" ...I don't like to use that term too often, but it's true. I don't try to hold out too often. I don't hide behind anything or try to change or blablabla. and I don't do things to spite anyone else except if it's dad yet that's a different story which I won't go into right now. we get along okay right now except for the occasional quibble over the phone where I breathe heavily and feel like throwing something. gaaah. he's annoying sometimes.

my life has pretty much stayed simple yet difficult. I shop, I talk to others, I work on my website, I watch my anime, I read my books, I watch my shows. the only thing that is not to my liking is my health. for all I know, it could be fine since nothing tragic has happened yet; just uncomfortableness. I'm just a hypochondriac and have been since I was eight and refused to budge from my stiff laying down position cause a "germ" might infect me. I got better along the way, but it was really funny when I said if I didn't let the bad "wind air" in my mouth, I wouldn't get sick. that night I caught the flu and never believed anything anymore. I realised that germs could pass through my body whether I had my mouth open to let them in or not. it was inevitable that everyone gets sick sometimes. I just don't like it and still don't. so now, whenever anything doesn't seem right, I throw it waaaay out of proportion and decide I'm dying or have cancer, a tumour or something hideous in me when it could just be gas or indigestion. I sometimes think I'm still here cause it's slowly killing me like smoking cigarettes. not one of those illnesses that kills you right away. I tell ya, I need to stay away from the news and magazines. they corrupt my mind. hah!

I've only been to three states outside of Texas. I find that sorta sad. for real. I sorta feel that I've been to more states than that. Ohio, PA, and Florida (when I was five; we went to DisneyWorld like every kid gets to do). I'd really love to see the west coast, canada and overseas (preferably England, Italy, Japan). I'm not sure when I'll get to do this due to my severe panicking on airplanes. I can barely make it to grandma's house in Ohio anymore. I really want to go again soon. I miss all of them despite being annoyed at times. it's all a part of our demeanor. we must be mean to find the love if ya get what I mean.

I've done webdesign for about five years now. took a class on it senior year, but I already knew most of what we learned. I think it was because it was a beginner's class. I couldn't go into the higher up class since it was only going to begin the year after I graduated. too bad really since that class was waaaay too easy. I made one website for a business after they saw what I did for my final project in the previously mentioned class. The Yoga Institute. mom had to change it since they didn't like my work. more like, they couldn't view it on their ratty old business computer. hee! I'm not downing on them cause well, their business looks nice and mom goes to class there about three times a week. I just sorta feel sad that my first job as a webdesigner didn't really work out. I have nothing to show for that job and it took me a whole summer and part of the fall (thanks to them hating the first layout, so I began on the second one which they also couldn't see!!!). basically, I guess I'm too complex for businesses who aren't saavy in computers. I'm probably not complex enough for other businesses so there goes my contract! I'm not too sad. I might give it another shot someday. nothing else interests me as much except writing which dad told me wouldn't make me any money. I resent that, but that's another story.

I guess that's the end. I hope you learned something through this rambling. be sure to look at the other sections to see certain short facts and my reading list if you're into that sort've thing and not paragraph forms, but then again, why would you be here when this is a text based site? heh.

now I go take a nap

* yeah I am wearing the same outfit in the pool photos cause they were taken on the same day!